Headlies: TNA Builds On The Success Of The Wheel Of Dixie, Deploys More Carnival Games

13 Submitted by on Fri, 22 November 2013, 08:00


Orlando, FL – Spurred by success of the Wheel of Dixie, TNA has decided to use more traditional carnival games during episodes of Impact.

During a press conference at Universal Studio’s Soundstage 10 Annex Room B, TNA President Dixie Carter explained the company’s amusement game expansion. “Whether it’s used to decide what kind of tournament match Samoa Joe will have with Magnus or who to fire this week, everyone just loves the Wheel of Dixie. It’s proven so successful, in fact, that we here at TNA have decided to spend a large amount of money to bring in other carnival games to help make decisions.”

Flanking Carter was current TNA Television title holder Abyss, current X Division champion Chris Sabin, and current makeup-face Velvet Sky. The three nodded in approval as Carter went down the list of games.

“We’re going to have a raffle ticket drum to determine the number one contender, ‘Feast or Fired’ competition will be decided by that game where you fire a water-gun at a clown’s mouth, and the Duck Pond game will decide if the Knockouts will have a Last Rites match or a Bra and Panties Pillow Fight Musical Chairs competition.”

“Yay duckies!” exclaimed Abyss, clapping excitedly.

“We’re going to give our fans exactly what they want,” said Sabin, clutching a giant teddy bear he won at Frog Launcher.

“If all goes well, we hope to add a few more games like ‘Whac-A-Taz’ a Lei’D Tapa kissing booth, and a ‘Guess What Jeff Hardy Is On’ game,” said a beaming Carter.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
13 Responses to "Headlies: TNA Builds On The Success Of The Wheel Of Dixie, Deploys More Carnival Games"
  1. Gabe says:

    Bearded Lady booth starring ODB… nice work

  2. RD Reynolds says:

    Legit believe this could get better ratings than Impact does today.

  3. John says:

    And what about everyone’s favorite game of amusement, “Guess what the carny will be throwing up on my shows later on”. Using vomiting as a segue I watched the first few minutes of Dixieland: The Series last night on Spike and watching this moron speak for a few minutes makes me almost want to take back all the wooden Linda McMahon jokes I’ve used in the past. Linda may be monotone but you can at least understand their is actually a functioning brain in her head, Dixie I call say for her is, “No shucking way”

  4. GG Duce says:

    I’d like to ‘second’ Abyss’ sentiment. “Yay, duckies!”

  5. Raven7309 says:

    How about Texas Hold ‘Em.vs. Aces and Eights?
    You bet with money, they wager their last remaining shreds of dignity, self-respect, and their stylin’ club vests. 😛

  6. the14thlistener says:

    Step right up folks and win a prize! Guess how much does this sack of flour weigh?!?

  7. Trench Reynolds says:

    Can we get a dunk tank with A Double?

  8. Jeremy says:

    I guarantee TNA’s ratings would skyrocket if they put all the wrestlers in a giant glass box and had a giant claw descend down to pick the next TNA World Champion. Of course the likes of Austin Aries, Bobby Roode, Christopher Daniels, Kazarian etc. would be stuck in a corner impossible to grab, Samoa Joe wouldn’t even be able to be picked up (Scott Steiner says because “HE’S FAT!”), Jeff Hardy would be picked up, but then drop off at the last second doing some insane bump (Kurt Angle would probably do the same), so we’d be left with Sting getting picked (again), or we’d get stuck with Garett Bischoff.

  9. TK says:

    I smell a comeback for Kizarny!

  10. Down With OPC says:

    Back to wrestling’s roots, the carnival.

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