So I was at Walmart the other day and with Halloween nearly upon us, the store was stocked with row after row of costumes. They ranged from good to bad to “someone seriously got paid to design this presumably thinking someone else on this planet might be dumb enough to buy it” status. For whatever reason there was a Spider-Man costume that was slightly off color and that made me immediately think of your favorite copyright infringing wrestler ever: ARACHNIMAN!
Yes, this was a thing that actually happened in the wacky world of World Championship Wrestling. I get trying to appeal to kids, Vince made a fortune doing that, but somehow I doubt many kids in the crowd were wow’ed by the makeshift web streamers flying about during this here entrance.
So Arcahi gets in with Lou Fabiano with some basic wrestling maneuvers. This is like every 1990 WCW Main Event babyface match I’ve ever seen. And here I thought I’d expunged all those from my memory.
There is one difference however, as we get just a sprinkling of Spider-Man-esque movements thrown in. Dude, if you’re going to rip off Spider-Man, RIP OFF SPIDER-MAN! Hang upside down in the ropes! Get a manager who looks like J. Jonah Jameson out there yelling at you! And for goodness sake, get the colors right on your gear right!
So Fabiano gets winded and Archniman climbs to the top rope, flying off with what Tony Schiavone called a flying headbutt. God bless you Tony, I’m thrilled you’ve had a career resurgence, but telling me that he “put some cobwebs in the head of Fabiano” really should be grounds for a permanent ban hammer.
We get a sloppy rolling cradle (or victory roll I reckon) and we get the wackiest celebration imaginable. And just like that Tony IMMEDIATELY redeems himself by going to the top ten as fast as humanly possible. Alright, alright, I admit – this wasn’t much of a squash. But any chance we get to make fun of Arachniman is a good thing, right?