I stumbled upon this Giant Gonzalez Hasbro figure on Amazon.
Here’s a picture of the Amazon listing:
Several things crossed my mind immediately when I found this wonderful figure:
1. Someone (and possibly several people) at Hasbro and WWE said amongst themselves “Yes! That Giant Gonzalez guy is really going to connect with the kids! We must strike while the iron is hot and make an action figure of him! Surely this will make us millions!”.
I like how the figure is for ages 4 and up, because if you’re 4 years old, The Giant Gonzalez and Big Bird are pretty much the same thing, right?
Now I want to hear The Giant Gonzalez singing The ABC-DEF-GHI song in the worst way…
2. Check out the Item Title description! How much better would the NWO B-Team have been if they’d been lead by freakin’ Giant Gonzalez?!
Imagine him teaming up with Vincent taking on High Voltage on WCW Saturday Night! LICENSE TO GET RATINGS!
3. What? No spray-painted six-pack abs detailing? Truly a missed opportunity if ever there was one.
4. DOES COME WITH GIANT JAB REAL WRESTLING ACTION AS ILLUSTRATED! Take that, LJN!
5. I bet this sucker sold like hotcakes after The Giant Gonzalez turned face and then immediately left the WWF! I wonder if I can get a custom leather jacket and blue jeans for the figure somewhere?
6. Under $30 for a MINT ON CARD Giant Gonzalez figure? You’d better buy this sucker today before I do, Crappers! Buy one today! They’re guaranteed* to skyrocket in value over the next 20 years!
*NOTE: Not a legally-binding guarantee. Giant Gonzalez figure may depreciate in value comparable to the value of a used tissue. But at least it will look cool displayed on your fireplace mantle.