You just gotta love the mid-eighties WWF. Vinnie Mac had created a wrestling circus the likes of which had never been seen before by mainstream ‘merica. New fans, Hollywood, and even MTV were in awe of these newfound larger than life athletes. And Vinnie certainly had his share of giants to keep people tuned in. Fans were introduced to super-heavyweights like Hulk Hogan, King Kong Bundy, Rusty Brooks, Andre Th….hold on a second. RUSTY BROOKS?!?
Hailing from Denton Texas, this 340 pound mammoth of a man would enter the world of wrestling in 1982. Things started off on the right foot for Brooks, as he would be trained by the Boris Malenko. One would assume that being groomed by the Great Malenko could be a potential ticket to the top. Alas, twas not to be.
As the losses mounted it was apparent that Rusty spent less time on perfecting his wrestling skills and more time daydreaming about just how big a bun he would need to have a Malenko w/cheese sandwich. After a few forgettable years in the sport, the man lovingly known by fans as “Porky” would finally hit the big time.It was here in the WWF where Rusty would showcase his superb ability to throw sloppy punches and lay on his back for the whole world to see.
Despite the fact that losses were piling up in record numbers, Rusty would finally seize his chance at greatness and immortality. In October of 1985 he would face WWF Champion Hulk Hogan on national TV. It wasn’t just a title shot for Rusty, it was for the world. Enhancement talent worldwide stood up and yelled “We’ve
Arrived!!”
Warner Bros. began looking into potential copyright infringement lawsuits over use of the name “Porky”. Little kids dreamed about finally getting their LJN Rusty Brooks-WWF Champion action figure. Sadly, one minute and one legdrop later everyone was sent on a bumpy one-way express ride back to reality.
Rusty was no quitter though. For an encore in 1989 he would attempt to do what the Hart Foundation, British Bulldogs, and so many other tag-teams had failed to do: stop Demolition’s record breaking title reign of over a year. To do so would require finding a partner capable of holding his own. He needed a man with a heart of fire and nerves of steel. Unfortunately, what he got was a man of iron…..”Iron” Mike Sharpe.
It didn’t require the psychic powers of Gary Spivey or even Ms.Cleo to predict what the outcome would be. Ax’s elbow off the top rope symbolized more than just the end of the match. This would turn out to be one of Rusty’s last appearances in the WWF.
Its now been over twenty years since Brooks made his debut. Today he can found in his homestate of Florida, running a successful wrestling school as well as wrestling on independent shows. After all this time Rusty finally has added some victories and regional titles to his resume.
As for me, though…well, I’m like all of you: checking Toys R Us every week, in hopes that LJN finally shipped that Rusty Brooks figure we so deserve.
UPDATE!
Since I originally posted this column about a year ago, I have finally given up my trips to Toys R’ Us in hopes of Rusty Brooks merchandise. However, a recent trip to Best Buy a little while ago uncovered a item that, while not as great as a Rusty Brooks figure, it comes pretty close.
As I was browsing the $6.99 and under (aka crappy) section of DVDs at Best Buy, amongst the numerous economy priced, soft-core porns of ex-MTV VJ Kari Wuhrer and outdated 70’s horror flicks, I came across some generic looking wrestling diddy entitled King Of Carnage. Not being one to turn away a brand new, $5.99 wrestling dvd, I figured I’d give it a shot.
$5.99…hell, I would’ve paid $19.99! An unbelievable 3-way for the F.O.W. hardcore title, featuring a slim, lean, and mean Rusty Brooks vs. Barry Horowitz vs. the Sandman. If you see this title at your local Best Buy and are debating about purchasing it, I’ve only got four words to convince you to get it:
Rusty Brooks. Vader Bomb.
$5.99?!? Hell, that’s priceless.