Sometimes, it can be difficult to write these entries. Sometimes, something is kinda dumb but really needs a good deal of explanation as to exactly why it was idiotic for a promotion to attempt whatever silly character or stupid angle they tried to pawn off to the wrestling public. Sometimes, there needs to be a good deal of backstory written to explain the joke.
This isn’t one of those times.
No, this may be the single easiest entry I’ve ever written.
It all starts back in the mid 1980’s, as a struggling but still prosperous AWA is looking to fill the Metrodome in Minneapolis for its big show, WrestleRock 86.
Taking its cue from the WWF, Verne Gagne’s promotion releases a tape with “2 Hit Songs” (hey it says so right on the tape jacket), Rockin’ and Wrestlin’ and the WrestleRock Rumble.
The first song is so bland that I won’t even waste bandwidth sampling it.
But the second song…wow. It truly ranks up there with anything from Hulk Rules. Your ear drums will be begging for some type of puncture wound just to end the agony.
For starters, it sounds as though someone had just bought a brand new Casio keyboard and set it on “FUNKY DEMO” mode.
Oh, and did I mention there is a VIDEO to this aural atrocity? You betcha!
What better way to start it than with “Killer” Ken Resnick gettin’ down with his bad self?
Or how about a very young Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty? According to the song, they love to wrestle and they love to party.
Apparently at the local Chuck E. Cheese.
Yes, this video had all the greats in the AWA at the time. Not only that, but it featured in depth training footage of legends like Jerry “Crusher” Blackwell. Here, the big guy practices his splash on a helpless piece of 4 x 8.
Damn you, wood – damn you straight to hell!
Speaking of legends, did I mention that the video also contained performers from Legends in Las Vegas putting over the product?
Or skanky Playboy playmates like Glynnda Nutz?
MY GOD – THIS VIDEO HAS IT ALL!
Here’s a little something for the ladies – Scott Hall and Curt Hennig emerging from the pool in Speedos, rappin’ all the way.
Gotta love that bushy moustache and feathered hair. There can be little doubt that Hall had perfected his1970’s porn star look here.
It was a style which Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo also tried to achieve. Sadly, Rotundo wound up looking more like the Village People Construction Worker.
And what would an AWA video be worth without an appearance by THE LARRY ZYBSKO EXPERIENCE?
Not painful enough? Then buckle up and get ready to witness, in all its fury, the RAGE OF GREG GAGNE!
We wrap things up with AWA head honcho Verne Gagne mumbling something about making his 5,376th comeback.
I don’t know about you, but the prospect of a balding 73 year old fossil returning to the ring would have me camped out, ready to buy tickets as soon as they went on sale!
Yeah, sometimes this job is hard.
Sometimes.
But not today.
SPECIAL ALERT!!!
Want more? Well, as a WrestleCrap 2002 CD Owner, you get this special treat – the WRESTLEROCK RUMBLE VIDEO in its ENTIRETY! That’s right! Just click here to view the video in QuickTime format, or here for a Windows Media Player version!
Want even more? How about the song in MP3 format? Right here, baby!
Sounds like someone just got back from K-Mart with a new Casio keyboard!
Ken Resnick: “This is Ken Resnick, and I’m here to say / we got the greatest wrestlers in the AWA / but you’re not here to listen to me mumble / let’s fill you in on the Wrestle Rock Rumble! GET ON!”
Shawn Michaels: “We’re the Midnight Rockers”
Marty Janetty: “Shawn and Marty!”
Michaels: “We love to wrestle”
Janetty: “And we love to party!”
Michaels: “You don’t have to worry”
Janetty: “We’re not gonna fumble”
Michaels and Jannetty: “Cause we’ll be shakin’ to the WrestleRock Rumble!”
Curt Hennig: “I’m Curt Hennig”
Scott Hall: “And Big Scott Hall! The tag team champs, we’ll take on them all!”
Hennig: “So bring on the Long Riders, those dirtball gumbos”
Hall: “We’ll smear those wimps and do the WrestleRock Rumble. HUH!”
Larry Zybsko: “I’m Larry Zybsko, and I won’t be through / Til I get done slappin’ ’round Scott Le Duc / I’m gonna beat that ugly bartender into a bundle / and laugh all the way to the WrestleRock Rumble / OWWW!”
Greg Gagne (trying to sound mad, but winding up sounding like a constipated weinder dog): “I’m Greg Gagne / and I’m in a RAGE! / I want Brody and I want him in a cage / my high flying drop kick will make him see double / I’ll grind him up at the WrestleRock Rumble / WHOOO!”
Verne Gagne – Yes, VERNE F***ING GAGNE: “Just one last word / from the former champ Verne / I’m giving a lot of thought / to one more turn / There’s some old scores that still give me trouble / And I’m starting to get the urge to do the WrestleRock Rumble”