Over the years, I’ve pondered adding new sections to WrestleCrap.com. One idea that always seems to bubble up would be to post things that could never make the air today, things that simply were either a product of their time or didn’t age well. I’ve always decided against doing that, as I could totally see someone looking at just that section of the site and getting the wrong idea of what we’re all about here. But what the heck, let’s do one of these trainwrecks today as a good ol’ fashioned INDUCTION!
Straight from a Raw in 2002, we’re getting a Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Keibler Bra & Panties Paddle on a Pole Match! And you can’t even blame Vince Russo for this one as he was nowhere near the company at this time. But do you know who was there? Our other old pal Eric Bischoff!
I know a lot of folks just want me to bury the guy six feet under, but y’all can say anything you want about him, I have no real issues with the guy. And I think even his biggest critics have to agree he was an absolutely GREAT smarmy d-bag. Even Stacy, who is supposed to be the heel in this equation, is completely skeeved out by the guy. I mean, he did just slap her on the fanny as she was leaving, so can’t blame her there.
But it’s not just Bischoff that’s a perv ’round these parts – it’s pretty much every single dude on the payroll. I mean seriously, just check out this backstage Melvin who seemingly helpfully points out that Stacy’s shoe is untied only to become a lowlife of monumental proportions by checking out her backside. This is becoming less WrestleCrap and more WrestleCreep.
And SPEAKING OF WRESTLECREEPS, next we get Jerry Lawler thumbing through a classy periodical that is entitled, and I am just quoting here, “DIVAS UNDRESSED.” Good ol’ JR is also at his lecherous best (or I guess worst) as he nearly pops out of his seat to get a better look at things. Chill out dude, there ain’t a Dark Journey centerfold in there.
Oh and have I mentioned yet that this sure be Dave Meltzer ******* classic is for the prestigious WWF Women’s Championship? I’m sure the likes of Bruno Sammartino and Lou Thesz WISH they could have won gold in a battle like this one!
The action gets underway with Stacy attacking with a boot in the corner. I don’t know that would actually hurt at all, but it does show off Stacy’s giraffe like gams so I guess they’d be applauding this in he back.
Trish comes back with some kicks as this match starts to fall apart seemingly immediately. I wasn’t expecting this to be in any way, shape, or form great, but I did have some hope Patty could pull off something above a dud.
Instead she misses the Stratusfaction and flips upside down in the corner. This leaves her easy prey to have her shirt removed and halfway to losing the match. And my apologies – I really should have explained the rules of a Bra & Panties match to you newer fans. Now try to follow along: to win, you have to strip your opponent to their undergarments. Yes this was a thing that actually happened, and it happened quite regularly on WWE television. And in this instance, we get the added bonus of the winner getting to climb a pole to retrieve a paddle that they can use to smack their foe’s buttock region. Where’s Jack Palance when I need him?
Jack…you are…my number one….GUUUUUYYYYYYY!!!
Trish makes a furious comeback, taking off Stacy’s shirt, then throwing said shirt right in her face. Stacy selling that like she was shot in the head with a cannonball may have been the best thing in this match.
So now it’s down to whomever can remove the other’s pants. Just when it looks like Stacy has the upper hand, Trish reverses a pin attempt and yanks Stacy’s shorts off. Two things of note here: 1) Stacy’s shorts are so tiny it almost looks like she only had a pair of panties on to begin with and 2) Trish doing a quick moon of the crowd before pulling her pants up may be the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.
But things aren’t over yet, as Stacy attempts to KO Trish with a big ol’ boot to the head. If you had that devastating move in your arsenal, why didn’t you use it in the actual match?
Anyway, she goes up the pole and grabs the paddle. Oh no! Surely this will mean utter doom for Trish!
Stacy comes down to give her a paddlin’, but Trish channels her inner Velvet McIntyre and escapes with a hair whip.
She then takes the paddle and gives poor Stacy several whacks on the bum as Jerry Lawler screams in near orgasmic glee.
Not sure about any of you, but just going back and watching this stuff again after not seeing it for many years made me feel, what’s the word for it. Icky. Yes, icky. I know it was a product of its time, and I think that 99% of the time, folks don’t understand that at different points in history society as a whole wanted and accepted different things. Look, I get all that.
But going back and seeing this…all the RD Reynolds of 2024 can say, especially after everything that has come out about Vince, is just…no. Just no. And I say that as a guy who had the biggest crush ever on Trish Stratus. She was my total jam. But yeah, this was a tough watch for me. So for all those folks who will tell you until they’re blue in the face how things were so much better back in the “Attitude Era” or the “Ruthless Agression” timeframe or whatever this would be, I leave you with this quote from one William Joel:
Sing us a song, piano man!
But not that one because I kinda hate it.