Let’s get this out of the way so those of you who are easily offended are offended easily. And early in this induction. I have always though the Undertaker’s WrestleMania win streak was blown way out of proportion. While there were no doubt some classic matches during his run, there were a LOT of horrible ones as well. If you didn’t live through early Undertaker, you really have no idea just how awful some of those bouts were. You could argue that a lot of that could be put on who he was in the ring with, and believe me, I won’t argue that, as the poor guy had to battle the likes of Giant Gonzalez on the grandest stage of them all. But even with that in mind, so many of these Undertaker matches were just flat out slow, bad, and boring. And the one we’re covering today is a perfect example as he is battling King Kong Bundy.
Bundy of course was no stranger to WrestleMania and in many ways, his Mania track record was pretty interesting as well. After all, at the first Mania he “set the record” for the fastest win in WWF history (I mean he didn’t, but …), at the second he main evented against Hulk Hogan, and at the third he elbow dropped a midget. After that he vanished from the WWF’s biggest show for eight years before showing back up as part of Ted DiBiase’s Million Dollar Corporation to take on The Undertaker.
Even at this point, Taker was still working out all the finer points of being the Dead Man. It’s weird how we take it for granted that this entrance was always the same, but it wasn’t – it was tweaked here and there until it was just right. Despite all that, Bundy appears wholly unimpressed.
That or he REALLY had to take a crap. Could be either. Could be both.
Back to my original point, the WWF was trying different things, such as including a new black and purple color scheme. Because when you think, “What color should the scariest man in wrestling wear”, your mind naturally screams “COSMIC PERIWINKLE.”
I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that we had a special referee for this match, that being Larry Young. American League Umpire Larry Young I should note. Why a baseball umpire was assigned to this particular match is honestly anyone’s guess, as neither Vince McMahon Jerry Lawler bothered to explain.
Oh good gravy…I’d almost forgotten about this. Ok so this was the period where everyone was stealing the Undertaker’s urn which sometimes (but just as frequently not) caused Undertaker to be “weakened”. If you think that sounds dumb, believe me, it was even worse than it sounds. So yes, at this point Ted had the urn and guarded it like a mother hen.
So the match starts and we get the normal early 90’s Undertaker parcel of moves. Punch punch punch, followed by kick kick kick. While this isn’t too exciting, I do at least have to give Bundy credit for his selling here, as he flaps his arms around in comical fashion, like the world’s tubbiest baby bird trying to figure out how to take his first flight.
And no, I have no idea why I’m making so many BIRD REFERENCES in this induction. Wasn’t the plan coming in, I can tell you that.
SPEAKING OF TAKING FLIGHT…Taker goes to the top and hits Old School on Bundy. Well, I guess at this point it wouldn’t be Old School at this point, so they just say, “look, he’s walking on the top rope!” That’s way too verbose. C’mon Vince, “New School” was right there!
Taker hits clothesline after clothesline, finally knocking Bundy off his feet and taking full control. However, he turns his back like a moron, which allows Bundy to hit a clothesline of his own, which enables Undertaker to fall backwards to the fall and right next to DiBiase and thus once more the Undertaker has the urn. Gotta say, I wasn’t expecting the big payoff two minutes into the match!
Taker gives the urn back to Paul Bearer who is overjoyed as you’d expect. More early Taker tweaking: now if you opened the urn, it would shine a light into the sky. Also, the urn also was like ten times the size it was originally. Was the guy who died a really fat Max Dillon? Make all the jokes you want, but the urn was back where it belongs and the world was happy.
Until, no joke, thirty seconds later, when Kama (the Ultimate Fighting Machine!) runs in and steals it right back. Yep, this WrestleMania match is now just fodder for one of the stupidest storylines you ever did see.
How stupid you ask? Well, we get an inset promo as Kama tells us of his grand plan for the urn – he’s going to melt it down and make it into a necklace! If you think that’s an idle threat, believe me, it actually happened…and somehow has never been inducted as best I can tell. Time to add another one to the “to do” list!
Back in the ring, Bundy is able to take control which he does with a chin lock. Because you can’t spell WrestleMania without REST (HOLD).
At this point, Bundy decides it’s time to go for the kill and hits Taker with his finisher, the Avalanche. Taker no sells that though and kicks Konger in the face. He follows that up with a body slam that has Vince beaming with delight. I guess that’s cool and all, but you know what will be even more impressive? When Taker wins this match with the tombstone.
I mean, he doesn’t do that, but it would have been cool if he did. No, instead he lands a flying clothesline and gets the three. Another crappy match in a line of them for Undertaker. Anyone want to tell me how cool the streak was again? Go back and watch this and that Gonzalez match and get back to me.