Over the years here at WrestleCrap, we’ve let a few inductions slip through the cracks that we didn’t consider, you know, horrible. I know some folks have viewed us as the final word as what is bad in wrestling, and we consider it a compliment.
Unfortunately, it’s just not the case.
Well, it’s not always the case.
For instance, those Gooker Award winners? You can take it to the bank that those things were, most assuredly, “the very worst of professional wrestling.” While a couple have admittedly made us laugh (Al Wilson, I’m looking at you), when it gets slapped with that silly turkeyman’s head, yeah…we’re the final word there.
But sometimes, sometimes….we want to induct something just because we think it was funny or goofy or whatever. A guilty pleasure. And rest assured, that’s definitely the case today.
I mean, can a match on the biggest show of the year featuring Booker T and the Boogeyman be horrible?
Actually it can.
It was comical, because when I began to do a bit of research on this one, I Googled WrestleMania 22 and found this image.
That would be John Cena battling…Booker T.
Whom, you will recall from the giant green letters up there, was paired against the Boogeyman.
I’d investigate it further, but I can’t. I mean, look at that logo.
BIG TIME WRESTLEMANIA.
Every time I think about that, I just giggle as I picture Kevin Dunn and Vince McMahon shucking and gyrating, thinking about how a Peter Gabriel song from 1986 would make Mania cool in 2006.
And I say that as a HUGE fan of the 80’s.
SPEAKING OF the greatest decade in the history of human existence, you know who would have been great in the 80’s?
I mean, the wacky face paint, the worms, the smoke stick…why, I can just close my eyes and imagine him squashing the likes of Rene Goulet or Michael Saxon on a Saturday morning edition of WWF Wrestling Challenge.
Two more people that I can add to the list of “wow it would have been fun to have seen ’em in late 80’s WWF” would be…
…Booker T and Sharmell.
But that’s because they would be great in any era of wrestling.
Well, as long as Sharmell isn’t wrestling Jenna Morasca.
Because that was all kinds of terrible.
Other than that debacle, though, this pair is awesome. Booker was always fun to watch in the ring, and Sharmell was excellent as a heel wench.
Why I would have fun just watching them dance around.
Hee hee hee hee…look at them dancing!
Look how happy they are!
Seriously, who wouldn’t love this?
UNDERCOVER LEE MARSHALL!
No no no – that’s not how these things work.
See, I ask a rhetorical question, like “Who wouldn’t love this?” and we get…
Yeah, I don’t know either, dude.
I don’t know how I feel about a run-in by UNDERCOVER LEE MARSHALL.
Just seems wrong.
Now where was I?
Oh yeah, Booker and Sharmell dancing!
I wonder if anyone would notice if I did an induction that consisted solely of three images just repeated over and over again, those being of course…
UNDERCOVER LEE MARSHALL…
Yeah, I don’t know either, dude.
…Booker and Sharmell dancing.
I should really try that sometime.
Anyway, Booker and Sharmell’s fantastic rug cutting is rudely interupted by the upside down antics of the Boogeyman!
They scream “NO!” at each other – TWICE! – and then run away in the most cartoonish manner possible.
Have I mentioned how much I love Booker and Sharmell?
Anyway, all this led us to a handicap match at Mania featuring Boogey vs. Sharrmell & Booker.
But prior to said match actually taking place, the T’s have to walk the long corridor until they finally make the entrance ramp.
If you’ve watched WWE television for oh, say, 10 minutes, you know that’s usually a bad sign.
And if you are still unconvinced, Sharmell claiming that the “freaks” are always attracted to her husband, should have you certain tragedy is soon approaching.
And sure enough they run into…
Pirate Paul Burchill practicing his sword fighting.
Sadly, Booker does not state that he would not take this insolence lying down..
Which is really too bad, because I be the crowd would have really popped when Guybrush, err, Paul, would reply, “Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?”
Next we get Eugene dribbling a basketball for Ted DiBiase…who promptly kicks it away.
Maybe that’s how I get around the dilemna of inducting Eugene or not – just make him Jobber of the Week sometime like we did with Sean, the original basketball victim.
Finally, we get Gene Snitsky licking Mae Young’s feet.
Somewhere, Vince is laughing as we all vomit.
Finally, Book and Sharmell run into…OprahDust.
Because they’re in Chicago, see?
Anyway, he explains that Booker needs to be like them, embrace his inner freak (though I am unsure how Ted DiBiase would be considered a a “freak”?), steal Boogeyman’s worms and put them in his…
…well, we don’t find out, as he whispers it into Booker’s ear. And Booker is completely appalled.
All I can say here is that WWE felt it was ok to show Snitsky frenching Mae’s feet…but they did not think it acceptable to tell us where he wanted Booker to put the worms.
You know what, let’s just move on, shall we?
To the ring we go, and Booker looks none too pleased to be in there with Boogey.
So he has Sharmell start.
Not to sound too smarky, but what a great heel.
Especially when it’s all just a ruse so he can clobber him from the back.
As you might suspect with Boogey in there, this match is pretty awful. On the plus side, there is so much smoke that you can’t really see anything for the first three minutes or so.
I can only guess that Red Mask and Blue Mask’s vette is parked at ringside.
Finally, Boogeyman “boogeys up”…
…grabs his worms…
…and jams them in his mouth.
I really hope Booker doesn’t put them where Goldust suggested earlier NOW.
Sharmell being a good trooper decides to attack Boogey from behind.
Said diabolical plan backfires, however…
…and Boogey shares a mouthfull of worms with her.
Oddly, I find this far less disgusting than Snitsky licking Mae’s krusty foot digits.
One Boogey Bomb later, Booker is down for the count.
Goodnight sweet Booker, we hardly knew ye.
And that was Boogey’s sole WrestleMania match, as he injured himself (actually prior to this match) and was soon future endeavored.
But don’t feel too sad for the guy. I mean, at least he had a match. It was a horrible match, but hey, he won it.
Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often).
Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!