The Mating Game 2

Will The Anvil Bed The Fabulous Moolah?

Let me start off by saying how much I thoroughly hate Valentine’s Day. I spend the day either watching slasher flicks like A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master or reruns of Dateline: To Catch a Predator. Not my favorite day.

BUT, in keeping with the tradition of holiday-themed inductions, let’s take a look at the time on the TNT show when Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart took Fabulous Moolah up on a booty call.

Mean Gene, who must’ve been tanning with either Hulk or George Hamilton recently, introduces “The Mating Game” and describes it as “Love, Russian Roulette Style”.

Now that I think about it, I would like to see most romantic comedies end like The Deer Hunter.

Is that too harsh?

(Note from RD: I can’t believe I’ve been doing this site for nine years, and you got in the first GEORGE HAMILTON reference. Curse you, girl!)

Here comes The Anvil, who notes he’d been burned the last time he was on the show because the bag lady Vince set him up with last time gave him The Clapper, and I’m not talking about the cheap gift that comes out of hiding around Christmas time.

We all had a good laugh over that.

Well just Vince did but you get the idea.

Let’s meet the Bachelorettes.

Number 1: Wasn’t she Larry and Balki’s friend on Perfect Strangers?

Number 2: “HOOOOYYYY!!”

GAH!!

Her crazy eyes just made me flinch. I can’t be alone in that. Though I can hear members of the Wrestlecrap Forum now, “I’d Hit That.”

Ya freaks.

Number 3: “Hiya, Anvil, how’s it hangin’?”

Members of the Forum again, “I’d Hit That”.

You guys, I swear, sometimes….

Now comes the real fun part. Where Anvil asks sexually suggestive questions and expects sexually suggestive answers in return. It’s supposed to be really hot and risque (“Woo hoo! Huh Huh Huh”) but it’s quite eye-roll worthy.

That is, when you can even understand the question.

I think big Jim may be tanked.

Shaddapp??!

Anvil just had a Paul Christy moment there.

Sadly, he didn’t follow it up by asking how many apartment buildings she owned.

And I have no idea what Anvil was asking but Bachelorette #1 says she’d “nurse his booboo and make it all better”. *crickets*

Anvil asks #2 how she’d light his fire in the woods with no matches. “Well, we wouldn’t rub STICKS together”.

“Oooh, that’s suggestive”, says Mean Gene Guccione.

From the look in this woman’s eyes, she could be talking about tea cozies together…now THAT’S HOT!

Anvil asks a question of Bachelorette #3 (“WHERE’S WENDY?!”). Wow, early smarks in the crowd. Must be from Philly but it’s not “Moolah Screwed Wendy” or “You’ve Got Herpes” so I’m not sure.

Anyways, Moolah says she’d wear a sexy red negligee for Anvil in the bedroom. What the HELL is it with Vince and horny octogenarians???

Geez, I’d rather see CRAZY EYE LADY than that.

Anvil hears this and reacts like he’s about to spooge all over the first few rows.

Get a hold of yourself, man!!

(RD: I think if he “got a hold of himself”, the first few rows would really be in trouble.)

Anvil asks Moolah another question (“WHERE’S WENDY?!”) No, not that. But about moves she’d use on him. She says “bodyslams and flying head scissors”. I can’t speak for my friends RD or Blade but that’d rock every guy’s world, boy howdy.

(RD: I can speak for RD, and the thought of Moolah’s crusty inner thighs swinging me around would not, in fact, rock my world. Can’t speak for Braxton, though.)

Hey, Anvil’s got an innie.

Not imperative to the induction but an interesting fact for those wondering.

After a quick break, Gene describes the “Dream Date” the TNT show has set up for him and his date. First off, a $25 gift certificate to “Wilma’s House of Polyester”, where Vince buys all his colorful blazers, I’m sure.

Then whisked off to their next destination in a hearse. Better be careful, Jim, you’ll have to convince the driver that Moolah isn’t the stiff one.

Then a pleasant one night stay at Ed Gein’s old farmhouse. “Look honey! The lampshade has ears!”

And here is where Mark Madden was conceived AND coincidentally where WWE Creative comes up with all their ideas, including THIS one!

Anvil has trouble deciding who to pick for his date so Mean Gene decides to get the audience pick by applause. And whaddaya know, Crazy Eyes wins it! Well this should be an interesting coupling! She’ll still have that wide-eyed look when Anvil drops his pants for her.