Heard recently that Conrad Thompson is bringing back Starrcast next year for the All In show in Texas and all I could do was smile. I know some folks don’t like Conrad, but he’s always been so nice to me, just a super guy all the way around. I was part of his first Starrcast show five years ago and had an absolute blast, meeting so many great people who I’d never had the privilege of meeting before. One of those folks I met was one So Cal Val.
What an absolute joy she was, treating us like absolute kings. It was so weird, because me and Blade were just a couple geeks with a website. Well, and the Katie Vick outfit. And a mannequin. And a coffin. And yeah, that got a good reaction out of some folks, like, say…
…Joel Gertner, who literally jumped in the casket with her. Her meaning Katie Vick, not So Cal Val. Wow, this has really gone off the rails. Point being: So Cal Val is awesome, just the nicest person imaginable, and if you ever have the chance to meet her, do so. Having said all THAT, while she’s great, she probably isn’t worth getting stripped to your skivvies on live television for…which actually happened in that treasure trove of WrestleCrap, mid oughts TNA!
The backstory on this one had Val being courted by Jay Lethal, who at the time was working under his Black Machismo persona. If you never saw him doing that one, it’s too bad, as Lethal was really fun as a Randy Savage tribute act. In an effort to really drive that gimmick home, Val was hooked up with him to portray the role of Miss Elizabeth. Just one problem: she had another suitor by the name of Sonjay Dutt.
Known at the time as The Guru, Dutt was doing everything in his power to lure Val away from Lethal and tensions soon went through the roof. This being wrestling, that could mean only one thing: it was time for the two men to fight for her love in the middle of the ring.
This being TNA, that meant one more thing: it was time for the two men to fight for her love in the middle of a needlessly six-sided ring.
This being Vince Russo’s TNA, that meant yet one MORE thing: it was time for the two men to fight for her love in the middle of a needlessly six-sided ring, chained together, with the goal being to strip the other man naked – behold the Black Tie Brawl and Chain match!
So the bell rings and the ref chains them both together, with Lethal being cuffed first. As Dutt is getting chained, Jay just takes off his cuff and locks it onto the top rope. He then begins beating the Guru unmercifully, just wailing away with no regards. I should note this is your babyface hero. At least I think he is.
Ok, yeah, Lethal HAS to be the hero here. Ain’t no way a creepy guy that creepy looking is anything but a creep!
Despite being strapped together with a CHAIN, the two men do their best to tear each other’s clothes off. For her part Val appears absolutely horrified. I mean, if I was an attractive woman about to marry a dude and that dude was busy trying to get another man down to his BVDs, I’d probably have the same look on my face.
And this chain-based bondage sure wouldn’t change that!
Look, here’s the deal – a tuxedo match has historically generally been a comedy gimmick match, with the ones I remember best featuring folks like Mr. Fuji battling Hillbilly Jim or Paul Heyman going against Jim Cornette. It’s for comedy, not something that would be part of a blood feud. And that’s the biggest crime here – it’s not like these two couldn’t have gone out and had a really good match. Instead they’re given a completely impossible task of trying to merge laughs and brutality.
Finally, it’s too much for Val to take and she just turns tail and heads to the back. Whether that is due to the violence on display or the stupidity being shown here is up to you to decide.
Did I mention that given to their own devices these two could have had a really good, action packed match?
Like a REALLY good match? And then…and then….
…we get THIS as a finish. Yes, Lethal won the match with a wrestling move followed by an elbow drop off the top rope. Which again – AGAIN! – begs the question why on earth was this ever a tuxedo match in the first place? Well, yeah, I guess we know why.
We need to have a talk, bro!