There were warning signs.
There were warning signs that I shouldn’t do this induction.
Now please don’t misunderstand me: there were no warning signs that The Abraham Washington Show shouldn’t be inducted. That was never in doubt, because that thing was horrible, and it was horrible for like 80 weeks straight or however long WWE decided to subject us to it.
But there were warning signs, obstacles, roadblocks all in the way of getting it done.
The family was sick.
My computer, despite saying it had 50 minutes left, shut down completely.
Dreamweaver was constantly crashing.
And then…then there were my peers with their warnings.
I don’t do it often, but every once in a while when I am working on the site I will ask my wrestling “peers” what they think about a potential induction. By peers, I may mean co-writers at WrestleCrap, indy guys I used to work with, or folks from other wrestling sites that I talk with from time to time. Such was the case last week when I sent out the following email:
“I really don’t want to subject myself to this, but I think I’m going to induct the Abraham Washington show. Anybody have any ‘favorite memories’ of this disaster?”
Here’s a sampling of the responses I received:
Jed Shafer: “I only saw the first episode, but what I remember of it was 15 minutes of dialogue more stilted than a 12-foot tall circus clown (see what I did there?) and so many awkward silences, I had to make sure my TV wasn’t on mute.”
Vince Verhei: “No. I have no favorite memories of this show, and it was so bad, I would never even want to view the induction for it on your page. It is out of my life, and I am happy that way.”
Bryan Alvarez: “Trying to avoid watching it.”
Finally, I tried asking some folks about it on Facebook. Here’s the best of the selection of conversations I had:
Ultimate Kennedy: “Are you talking about Raw? I know they had hacked characters of presidents in that new WWE game coming out.”
My reply: “No, I was talking about the bit on ECW they used to do.”
Ultimate Kennedy: “No, can’t say I’ve seen that. See you later, RD.”
Then he immediately disconnected.
Warnings, I say.
For those of you lucky enough to have never seen this disaster, it was basically an awful time filler on WWE’s awful version of ECW. You wouldn’t think a one-hour wrestling show would require filler. Apparently those in charge in WWE felt otherwise, and thus we got a talk show segment.
A horrible talk show segment.
A horrible talk show segment every single week for over six months straight.
Not sure I’ve mentioned it or not, but this thing was horrible.
I mentioned warnings above.
If ever there was a warning, one that should have been heeded, it was the very first Abraham Washington Show that ever made air.
Following an incredibly wooden introduction…wait, no, stop.
Seriously, I can’t continue this induction without talking about something else first.
Look at that hair.
What is up with that hair?
Is that real?
Is it a bald skull cap that is painted to somehow represent hair?
Is it Play-Doh created from a WWE-licensed Fun Factory?
I seriously have no idea, but it is very, very distracting.
Ok, where was I?
Oh yeah, the wooden introduction thing, yeah. It led into an OJ Simpson joke.
In 2009.
And then we got something even better: his first question, in which he asked the Bellas if they’ve always looked alike.
To which they “laughed” and said how funny it was.
WARNINGS.
It would be at this point in an old induction that I would say, “And thankfully, it lasted just one week.”
But not here.
Abraham not only made it back on television, he got a whole set designed for him, with theme music, logos, and couches.
COUCHES I SAY.
What he did not bring was good material.This stuff is so bad my five year old wouldn’t laugh at it.
And he laughs til he cries when I say the word “poop.”
But we got it week. After week. After week. After week.
And it was infectious, which I do not mean in any good way. What I mean by that is the horribleness of the showed rubbed off on everyone that came in contact with it.
How else can you explain Shelton Benjamin doing an interview, and I am quoting here, “In Smurf?”
Which somehow led to Zack Ryder singing Hootie & The Blowfish.
Which then led to Shelton singing Hootie & The Blowfish.
This all made air, mind you.
And it didn’t kill the show.
In fact, we got more stuff, and it was impossibly, inexplicably even worse.
Despite this, WWE was expecting fans to applaud these efforts. You know how I know this?
Yes.
They actually had a sign to tell you when to applaud.
I think that’s supposed to be a joke, but then again, they originally brought Abe i thinking he’d be a babyface.
And that’s definitely NOT a joke.
Still, in the midst of all the utter crap, we got one shining beacon of light.
THIS MAN.
This man would be one Tony Atlas, who was a former wrestler, Mr. USA, and Black Superman.
What he was not was a good interview, thanks to his mumble mouth enunciation. I can only speculate that Ahmed Johnson watched this guy in the 80’s and said, “That right there is the guy I need to emulate in my interviews.”
Except I bet he never said “emulate.”
Or knew what that word even meant.
Anyway, Atlas became Washington’s Ed McMahon, doing introductions such as this one, where he said that Abraham’s guest would be the man everyone thought was the Hurricane, Gregory HAM.
Of course, the most important aspect of Tony being onstage was his ability tolaugh on cue.
And sometimes off cue – at times, Atlas would just laugh in the middle of segments for no discernable reason. At first I thought he was just drunk or stoned or something, but apparently that was part of the gimmick and that was actually really funny.
However, after Tony’s debut, the show vanished and was not seen on ECW the following week.
Nor the next week.
Had someone in WWE come to their senses?
Of course not, silly.
Instead they had a future guest be TIFFANY.
Remember when I brought up the fact that Tony didn’t have the best diction?
Well, now we have the polar opposite: a woman that speaks in the most completely mechanical and wooden manner possible.
What I would pay to see Tiffany and Tony Atlas in a verbal debate.
Sadly, we didn’t get that. Instead we started getting more Zack Ryder (this time reciting poems to Rosa Mendes) and…wait a minute.
What is that?
Top image, over to the bottom right!
They actually made coffee cups for this pile of crap show?
Thankfully, a quick Google Search reveals no further evidence of this, so I have to assume they did not try to sell these.
I don’t know whether to be happy about that or sad, because that would have been the ultimate Someone Bought This ever.
While it seemed nothing could kill the Abraham Washington Show, something could nix ECW and did: low ratings.
But Abraham wasn’t concerned because he was now a free agent. Who would get this great talent and his show?
Raw?
Smackdown?
How about neither?
Only one way to respond to that!
