The real-life couple of Stacy Keibler and Test had some good times in WWE.
As Test’s manager, Stacy gave the Canadian Superstar a snappy haircut…
…got him a gig with something called GGW…
…and branded his fans “Testicles” (which was not nearly as painful as it sounds).
But eventually, their on-screen relationship soured. Test began mistreating Stacy and putting her in harm’s way…
…until a knight in shining armor rode in to kick Test’s medieval ass.
Test refused to bow out gracefully, though, keeping Stacy Keibler under contract. Only a match with Scott Steiner could settle the matter…
…and once Test forced himself on Stacy and vowed to make her his “WHORRRRE”…
…the stakes couldn’t get much higher.
Once again, Steiner leaped to Stacy’s defense…
…and won her June’s Bad Blood event .
And yet this story line was far from over.
Far, far, FAR from over. (Far)
Test and Scott continued facing off in tag matches, including one mixed tag where Test hit his elaborate finisher on Stacy.
After Test started costing Steiner matches, Scott got fed up with what he considered “a load of nonsense”. Test agreed to a match, but only if Stacy Keibler’s “services” were on the line.
Stacy, learning nothing from her buddy Torrie Wilson’s similar wager the previous month, accepted another Human Trafficking Challenge.
Test assured Stacy Keibler things would be different this time:
“‘Cause this time, baby, I’m gonna treat you like the little slut that you are! Heh heh heh.”
Um, rude.
Test’s disgusting plans left even Jerry Lawler shocked and horny.
Sure enough, after feigning an injury, Test gave Steiner a cheap shot to win the match….
…and have his way with Stacy Keibler, in a sexual manner of speaking.
All in all, between this match…
…a skit where Goldust told Lance Storm to kiss the first woman he saw in the Divas’ locker room…
…and another where Eric Bischoff forced himself on Linda McMahon in her home, it was a bad night for consent.
After weeks of doing everything from dancing for Test’s friends to carrying his bags, Stacy Keibler did not mince words: “You’re a jerk! And I don’t trust you!”
But Test pleaded with her to recall the good times. “Remember the Testicles thing?” he urged. “Remember the testicles!?”
How could she not? It’d happened twenty minutes before.
But Stacy wasn’t happy, and neither was Scott Steiner, who challenged Test to — you’re not going to believe this — a match for Stacy’s services.
Test agreed, but with a catch: If he won, he’d win the Big Bad Booty Daddy’s “services” as well…
…meaning Freakzilla would have to watch Test and Stacy doin’ it. That, and he’d have to be Test’s “little bitch”.
The rubber match in the Stacy Series — Scott having won the “Whore” match, and Test the “Slut” match — was thus set for Unforgiven.
An errant Stacy Keibler chairshot cost Steiner the “Bitch” match, meaning Scott would now be Test’s you-know-what…
…Stacy would continue to be Test’s you-know-what…
…and worst of all, the angle would drag on for another month or three.
Scott got put on bag duty the next night…
…then had to team with Test for the tag titles. In protest, Steiner broke up Test’s pin attempt.
Stacy then hit Test with a chair to cost him the match.
But incredibly, this was the last straw for Steiner; sometime in the past three minutes, he’d decided he wanted those tag titles after all.
Steiner grabbed Stacy Keibler by the hair and suplexed her, and suddenly Test was…
…turned on!?
Austin 3:16 says I just broke probation
Two weeks later, with Test injured, Stacy was back to managing Steiner. After she refused to hand Steiner a chair in a match, Scott cornered her with that very weapon.
But before he could do such a heinous deed, Raw co-GM Steve Austin intervened. While he couldn’t lay a hand on anyone unless physically provoked…
…Steiner was happy to oblige…
…and Austin was happy to stomp a mudhole in response.
Having saved the day, Austin shared a celebratory beer with Stacy Keibler. But Stacy wasn’t thrilled with Stone Cold’s choice of beverage…
…especially after he made her take a sip. Offended, Austin gave her a stunner.
Sure, Austin should have been fired for breaking the no physicality rule mentioned literally three minutes earlier.
And sure, beating up a woman — a babyface, at that — was the exact thing Austin had just risked his neck to prevent. But the fans cheered anyway.
Hey, that was just Stone Cold being Stone Cold!
But Test didn’t see it that way, demanding an apology from Stone Cold for touching his “property”. In response, Austin flipped off him and his property…
…before calmly explaining to Stacy that it was her own fault she’d got hit.
Test dared Stone Cold to hit him, so Austin dared him to strike first as contractually required — the same rule everyone ignored when it came to Steve beating up Stacy.
Stacy then shoved Test into Austin, legally allowing Stone Cold to beat him up.
But soon Eric Bischoff spoiled the party. Eager to get rid of Austin as co-GM, he proposed a Survivor Series match: if Austin’s team won, he could get physical whenever he wanted. If they lost, he’d be fired.
But Eric forgot that he didn’t need a match to get Austin fired — Stone Cold had already broken the Board’s only rule when he beat up Stacy last week! I guess it slipped all the writers’ minds that women counted as people.
After accepting the challenge, Austin was joined in a beer bash by Stacy Keibler, who had learned her lesson.
Foley Ex Machina
Over the next few weeks, Test and Steiner formed a bond based on mutual disrespect for Stacy…
…and even tried to make her joined their respective Kiss-My-Ass Clubs…
…until new co-General Manager Mick Foley fired both men on his first night. Stacy Keibler celebrated the long-overdue end to this story line — she was almost as relieved as the rest of us!
Thanks for reading!
