You guys have no idea how much I love Jim Crockett’s NWA. My love for that particular promotion runs deep, and I was raised on the WWF from childhood, being a northerner and all. It wasn’t until my adult years that I acquired tapes of mid to late 80s NWA and it opened up a whole new refreshing world to me. Ric Flair and the Horsemen, The Midnight Express with Jim Cornette, The Samoan Swat Team with Paul E. Dangerously, The Road Warriors, Ricky Steamboat, Magnum TA, Lex Luger, Barry Windham, The Fabulous Freebirds, STING, the list of talent during the 80s NWA blows your mind. It provided an outlet for the fans that saw Vince McMahon Jr’s wrestling promotion as nothing more than a showcase for cartoon characters and a circus atmosphere lacking any real in-ring competition. This point was emphasized during NWA television shows by periodically displaying their slogan, “NWA: WE WRESTLE”.
However, when Jim Crockett Promotions was bought out by Ted Turner in 1989, the NWA was put into the hands of office suits that only saw the success of the WWF and wanted to duplicate that successful formula with the NWA-WCW (until January of 1991 when the “NWA” part was removed completely from their name) by adding kid-friendly characters like The Dynamic Dudes (I feel for ya, Shane Douglas, I swear I do) and The Ding Dongs (no comment required) and silly angles, like the one I’m going to talk about today.
After his baby face turn on the heel The Varsity Club, lead by Captain Mike “IRS” Rotunda and Kevin Sullivan, Rick Steiner became an instant fan-favorite, with his child-like demeanor and in-ring ability, especially when he teamed up with his brother Scott (when he could still move his arms). Now I’m sure your first thought is, “There’s a guy that needs a hot girlfriend!” Well today’s your lucky day because you and Turner brass are definitely on the same wavelength.
Around mid-89, Rick began receiving the attentions of a regular ringside fan at NWA television tapings named “Robin Greene” (in real life, Kevin Sullivan’s wife Nancy). Robin was a little woman dressed in a Michigan letter jacket, Woody Allen bucket hat, pigtails and geeky glasses that cheered her heart out for Rick. You know the expression “there’s someone for everyone?” Apparently Jim Ross and the fans immediately thought this was as good as Rick was gonna get and encouraged this fledgling puppy love romance, all the while Rick shrugged off her attentions and denied he liked her, much like a 14 year old boy does. “Aw come on, guys, aw shucks, she’s like a girl n’ stuff, huh huh”.
But this did not stop Rick from taking her on a “clearly not a date” date to the Atlanta Zoo where they’d look and point at the signs…..
…walk around bickering about elephants….
…eating ice cream…
…and walk around some more.
Not sure about you, but two geeks walking around the zoo doesn’t really make for compelling television. You might think it would be, but trust me, it isn’t.
Apparently those in the wrestling business found it fascinating, though, as the WWF had Gene Okerlund and George Steele do the same thing around the same time.
Despite such a romantic non-date, sparks weren’t really flying. The Steiners manager Missy Hyatt saw Robin was getting nowhere with Rick so suggested to Robin that she have sex with the entire locker room to get back at him….or get a makeover.
Like you, I am stunned that Missy Hyatt, the sweet little innocent girl we all know and love, would suggest such a thing.
Anyway, in lieu of a getting herpes, Robin chose to do the latter.
Meanwhile, before his first official DATE with Robin, Rick goes to good ol’ JR for a pep talk.
Yes, JIM ROSS, the same Jim Ross you see every Friday night on Smackdown! To be fair, Steiner’s character at the time was that of the village idiot.
Look at these two. I mean, Jim, would it have killed you to tell Rick to rock that fanny pack in the front?
Just imagine if Rick had a doughnut stuck to his back.
Ross tells him not to be nervous, “it’s an entirely natural act between a man and a woman”. Ah the innocent 80s. How I miss thee. I halfway expected Ross to break out a high school Health textbook and instruct the folks watching at home to separate the boys and the girls for the next few minutes while we watch Jim Ross’s Guide to You-Know-What.
Rick says he has “Ninenty minutes of beaver planned”.
Leave It To Beaver, that is.
As long as Chaz Warrington doesn’t show up, I’m down with that.
After this motivational talk, Rick and Ross go over to Robin’s hotel room and knock at the door. I guess the guy needed a chaperone or something.
“No you knock!”
“No YOU knock!”
“Oh alright!”
They’ve really built up the suspense here. Now I’m wondering if Robin’s hotel room has a mini-fridge and a bar. Those are so cool…and convenient! 🙂
CAPTION CONTEST TIME!
Here’s my entry.
Rick: That’s some far out weed, Cheech, man….
JR: BAH GAWD!
Contest over. Sorry you didn’t get your entries in in time.
So yes, gone is Geeky Robin Greene, HOT Robin Greene is now beckoning Rick as Jerry Lee Lewis’s “Great Balls of Fire” plays.
Veeeerrrry subtle, guys.
Horny Voyeur Jim Ross watches as Rick and Robin get it awn in the hotel room. WHAT SLOBBERKNOCKERS!!!
(Note from RD: Are you happy now, Blade? Our sweet little Triple K has become completely corrupted.)
Alas, Rick and Robin as wrestling’s next Super Couple were not to be, as Robin turned against Rick Steiner and declared herself “Woman”, who would do what she wanted when she wanted without a man in front of her. Here, Jim Cornette interviews Woman and says she’s heartless and cold for turning against Rick Steiner.
Wait a second.
James E. Cornette….
the manager of the Midnight Express…
who made Baby Doll sterile by hitting her in the ovaries…
as a BABYFACE…
in 1989….
DOES NOT COMPUTE!!
DOES NOT COMPUTE!!
WEREFDGOFJMWFIH-sorry, my keyboard went haywire there.
Babyface Jim Cornette?
Horny voyeur Jim Ross?
Sorry kids, gotta run. I need to head to the local car wash to hose away the horror!