If you’ve been a long-time reader of Wrestlecrap, you’ll know that our inductions all tend to fall into one of these seven categories:
A. Bad wrestling gimmicks
B. Bad wrestling matches
C. Bad wrestling events
D. Bad wrestling media
E. Bad wrestling angles with Kane
F. Bad wrestling angles without Kane
G. Feces
Now, to see if you’re a true Wrestlecrap fan, take a guess as to which category OVW’s Poop in the Pool match falls into.
The correct answer, of course, is G, although B is also acceptable for partial credit. To the best of my knowledge, there has never been any instance of excrement on a wrestling program that hasn’t been inducted into our hallowed halls nor will be inducted in the near future. And the future can’t get any nearer than right now!
The story behind the match begins three weeks earlier, when Taryn Terrell, (the former Tiffany of WWE) defeated Heidi Lovelace (the current Ruby Riott of WWE) for the OVW’s women title…
…thanks to crooked officiating by guest referee Taeler Hendrix.
The following week, Hendrix, dog in tow, demanded that the new women’s champion grant her a title shot.
This was our first sign that things were to go awry, as dogs in wrestling usually suffer some terrible fate like the cases of Matilda, Pepper, Lucy, and Alex Porteau.
When Terrell refused to capitulate, Hendrix ordered her boyfriend Dylan Bostic to take her dog and follow her around with a bucket.
Later that night, Terrell (or Terrelle?)…
…successfully defended her title against OVW’s other pale redhead, Scarlett Bordeaux…
…then rebuffed the out-of-the-blue advances by Bostic.
This distraction allowed Hendrix to sneak up behind Taryn and empty a bucket on her head.
Poor Taryn freaked out and melted like the Wicked Witch as the horrified announcers explained the scope of the tragedy.
“That’s dog poop!” said one announcer.
“That’s an odious smell!” said another announcer with a thesaurus.
“Do you smell that? Aw, that’s disgusssting!”
And so, after being denied a title shot for an entire episode of TV, Taeler Hendrix finally got her wish for a title match again Taryn Terrell. And not just any match….
It’s Poop in the Pool! You know what means? There’s poop… in the pool!
Now is as good a time as any to remind you that OVW was a TNA farm league at the time, and both women were contracted to the #2 wrestling company in the US.
Despite the match’s title, “Poop in the Pool” wasn’t a command like “Beat the Clock”, “Spin the Wheel”, or “Kiss My Foot”, and the rules weren’t that the first person to poop in the pool wins.
Instead, if Taeler Hendrix lost, she would get dumped into a pool of poop, while if Taryn Terrell lost, she would lose her title… and also get dumped into a pool of poop. After agreeing to those conditions, Terrell kind of seemed like she needed a new agent.
One small consolation for Taryn was that rather than a full swimming pool filled with dog feces, it was simply a tiny inflatable pool barely large enough for a toddler. And it was parked right in front of the announcers’ table.
The announcers explained the complicated, loser-gets-put-in-poop rules a few times for the uninitiated, while never missing an opportunity to say, “poop.”
Neither did the participants, as Taeler insisted to no one in particular, “I am not going in that poop!”
“Yeah you are!” said a fan. Who would win this argument? We’d find out in a few short minutes.
The in-ring action ended up being truly worthy of its special stipulation, with Taryn and Taeler exchanging hair pulls for most of the opening minutes.
Outside of the ring, Taryn engaged Taeler in a slow-speed chase around the squared circle. But can you blame them for being careful? There’s, in case you didn’t realize, a pool of poop at ringside.
And in case you had also forgotten why there was a pool of poop at ringside, one of our brilliant announcers chimed in, genuinely curious about his colleagues’ recollections of very recent events.
“Taeler dumped her dog’s… stuff on top of Taryn. Do you guys remember when that happened on OVW television?” Because it happened twelve days ago, and it led to the Poop in the Pool match they were watching just then, the answer was “yes”.
He then reminded us that:
1) It was disgusssting, and
2) The guy at the sound board needed to do some some serious de-essing on his microphone.
As the action got heavier, both Taryn and Taeler each almost got thrown out of the ring and into the pool…
(the pool of poop).
When Taeler’s boy toy Dylan attempted to intervene, the thesaurus-thumping commentator flexed his vocabulary muscle and told his colleague that he needed to see his oculist. He would have sounded even smarter had he not then told him to check his eyes for “Cadillacs”.
Three minutes into the match, we got our first wrestling move – a snapmare.
Later, the two women threw some of the dullest knife-edge chops you’ll ever see.
As Taeler sold the damage to her chest, one member of the crack commentary team declared that Taryn had just given her a “boobectomy”. It was okay to make that joke, it turned out, because Taeler had once been misdiagnosed with cervical cancer, not breast cancer. Otherwise it would have been in poor taste, right?
The match ended with Terrell attempting a flying body press, but Taeler rolling through to get an awkward pinfall. This was eerily similar to the ending of Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre at Wrestlemania 2. In fact, judging by all the hair pulling and snapmares in this match, I could swear these two were trained by Moolah (except they got to keep their whole paycheck).
Despite the commentary team having reminded the audience repeatedly of the rules of the match, one announcer had to be reminded what happened to the loser and was shocked that the “Poop in the Pool” stipulation was mandatory, not a volunteer thing.
Terrell was obviously hesitant to take a dive into the feces tub…
…so Hendrix prepared to kick her in, telegraphing it so far advance that Stevie Wonder could have seen what would happen next – and he wasn’t even in the building that night!
Taeler missed and got pushed into the pool, where she flopped around unconvincingly in the simulated feces for a (semi)solid thirty seconds.
Ex-champion Taryn Terrell had the last laugh, proving that there are some things more important than championships –
– like not falling in dog poop.