Not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it, but it seems that one of Vince McMahon’s lifelong goals is to get rid of your friend and mine, Jim Ross.
Oh wait, yeah, I am pretty sure I DID mention that. Three years ago, in fact, when Ross was humiliated in a series of skits that did little more than make Vince look like a total doofus for trying to can the guy, then realizing he had no one to replace him with.
But seriously…it is kind of amazing, isn’t it? In the span of four years, half of the Gooker Award winners have either directly or indirectly involved Good Ol’ JR.
No wonder the guy gets so pissed off he calls WrestleCrap Radio for therapy.
So it should come as little surprise that in 2008, we once again saw Vince looking to get rid of the old, ugly Okie. After all, anyone can call a wrestling match! There’s no need to know about the history of the industy, know the people in it, or really, come to think of it, have any understanding of the business whatsoever, right? I mean, look at the success stories of Michael Cole and Todd Grisham, people!
And thus, with that line of thinking, WWE fans were introduced to this guy:
His name? Mike Adamle.
Now before you scoff and think that whoever could have possibly thought that hiring this man to replace a legend like Ross had to have been the dumbest person walking the earth, let’s take a look at his resume:
– Former NBC Sports NFL analyst
– Co-host of American Gladiators (Note from Triple Kelly: Adamle was also in the Family Matters/American Gladiators episode with Urkel and Carl squaring off against each other. Please don’t ask why I know so much about that show. It depresses me.)
– Commentator at the 2000 and 2004 Olympics
– Hosted Bravo’s Battle of the Network Reality Stars
– Color Commentator for the Professional Bull Riders
So yes…he could call everything from figure skating to a sport in which clowns distract rampaging heffers. When you think of it that way, it’s actually kind of hard to argue the initial logic behind the hire.
Just one little flaw in the plan: he knew nothing about wrestling.
NOTHING.
He didn’t know the moves, he didn’t know the storylines, he didn’t understand what the business was all about or how it worked. Heck, he didn’t even know the names of the wrestlers. Unless, of course, WWE hired a “Jeff Harvey” without consulting me.
Here’s a useless fun fact: “Nature Boy” Ric Flair’s final interview of his active wrestling career was conducted by none other than our boy Mike Adamle.
Whoooooooooooo!!!
Maybe it should be Ewwwwww! instead.
It wasn’t long before the company decided that having a guy with Adamle’s credentials (and paycheck) just hanging out backstage was a waste of the guy’s potential, so they promptly showed Joey Styles the door and gave Adamle his first shot as a ringside commentator.
Adamle was so thrilled that in one of his first lines, he told Joey that he “had some big shoes to fill.”
Now let me restate that. He told Joey that JOEY had some big shoes to fill.
I’d attempt to explain what he meant by that, but I’ve honestly spent the last six months trying to figure it out and have yet to come up with an explanation. Maybe the guy running WWE.com before was a size 14 or something.
And please, don’t ask me to explain why he thought his commentating partner was THE TAZZ.
But if you thought all Mike Adamle brought to the table was botched lines and the uncanny ability to screw up people’s names, then you’re in for a treat! A treat in the form of zany nutty wacky cukoo lines for guys like John Morrison, and of course, the one no one will ever forget for Kofi Kingston!
I wonder if Adamle is a “Weird Al” fan?Hmmm…
Anyway, so yeah, he sucked as an announcer. In fact, one time he even apologized for it.
But hey, WWE was reportedly paying him a truckload of money, so they gotta put the guy to use.
I KNOW!
LET’S MAKE HIM THE RAW GM!
I will say this: no one could have seen THAT one coming.
Heck, I’m not even sure they clued John Cena in on it, as the look on his face was one of legit bewilderment, and Cena isn’t that good an actor.
(And if you don’t believe me, just rent The Marine sometime.)
So what did he do as Raw GM?
Well, let’s see. The highlights of his run were him wearing really stupid looking glasses…
…and hanging out backstage with Kelly Kelly.
Or as he called her, “K2”.
Never thought you could come up with a name DUMBER than “Kelly Kelly”, but there you have it.
Kudos to Mike Adamle!
Oh! And who could forget that time he gave John Cena some of JBL’s liquid Spanish Fly, in hopes that it would help him score with Mickie James?
Let’s see…so far, that gir’s been in a storyline romance with Trevor Murdoch, stuck her tongue down the Great Khali’s throat, and attempted to to dildo bang Trish Stratus.
I knida doubt John needs a lot of help getting her to lift the tail.
After months of screwing up more names, botching the company’s website, forgetting the name of the company he was working for, telling us that he himself would be defending championships, and perhaps most awesomely being confused as to what, exactly, he was sitting behind at ringside , the stress of being GM just became too much for the poor guy.
And sadly, on October 28, 2008, the Mike Adamle era drew to a close as he resigned from his position (and thus garnering perhaps the biggest pop of anything that happened in WWE the entire year).
I should note that it was only fitting that he chose to do so on the “800th episode” celebration of Raw, since that was actually the 806th episode of the show.
Oh, and for all of you who hated Adamle as GM and thought things couldn’t possibly get worse?
Hope you’re all happy now.
Adamle was let go of his contract in January 2009, so odds are we’ll never see him again in WWE.
In the end, I concur – Mike Adamle being a horrible announcer turned horrible GM was probably the worst thing that happened in wrestling in 2008.
But hey, it wasn’t that bad, was it? I mean, in the grand, Gooker-scheme of things, it wasn’t like he committed necrophilia, pulled stuff out of someone’s rectum, or caused an old geezer die from sexual overload.
So a toast to Mike Adamle: our least horrendous Gooker Award winner yet!