When I saw Mancow vs. Jimmy Hart listed on the WCW Mayhem 2000 card, I just knew I had to induct it…
…until five seconds later, when I remembered we’d already done it ages ago.
But maybe I was wrong, and I’d confused it with some other wrestling match with a radio DJ. Perhaps Mark Madden vs. Gene Okerlund or Danny Bonaduce vs. Eric Young.
So I searched up “Mancow” and, lo and behold, we had indeed inducted the shock jock over a decade ago for his PPV match with Jimmy Hart. In fact it was so long ago, I wasn’t even part of “we” yet.
But before I gave up on the idea, I checked out the induction and noticed that something was… off.
All over the arena and in the ring, I kept seeing not the Mayhem logo, but “Spring Stampede”. This meant that either WCW put up the wrong decorations, or Wikipedia was wrong about when this match took place.
That is, unless Mancow wrestled Jimmy Hart on two different WCW pay-per-views in 2000. Ha!
Well, you’re not gonna believe this, but…
Yes, WCW not only booked two Mancow-Jimmy Hart matches in the same calendar year, but expected viewers to pay for both of them.
And because there was no conceivable reason why such a match would ever happen twice, the rematch flew right under our radar…
…so much so, that when we uploaded a new thumbnail for the first match’s induction, we accidentally used the wrong match. (I’ve now fixed it)
It would be like if fetish wrestler Michael Nakazawa wrestled video game tournament organizer Alex Jebailey more than once.
[I kid you not, when I looked up that induction to link it here, I remembered that they actually did wrestle more than once.
So, I don’t know. Just imagine Gorgeous George vs. Charles Robinson was actually as bad as it sounded on paper, then they did a rematch six months later.]
…
So how exactly did a radio DJ and a 55-year-old manager end up rekindling their feud, six months and multiple booking committees later?
It started when Jimmy Hart put out an open challenge for a match on Nitro against any all radio DJs in the country. It really wasn’t a bad way to get radio listeners to buy tickets for Nitro. And they would have to buy tickets (or at least get comps), because these matches would take place before the show actually aired. After all, this kind of stunt wouldn’t interest regular viewers in the slightest, and WCW understood this… for a week or two, anyway.
Though there is record of only one such match taking place that year, a loss to “Danger Boy” at a Memphis Worldwide taping…
…Hart supposedly received faxes from the likes of Howard Stern, fellow one-hit wonderRick Dees, and Casey f**king Kasem, all accepting his challenge.
But when Hart started running his mouth about Mancow, his rival showed up and took exception.
Accusing Jimmy of stealing his sunshine, Muller grabbed him by the collar…
…until 3 Count snuck up from behind and wailed on him. Mancow protested like a middle school friend telling you how totally gay you’re being for kicking his ass.
Later, Mancow bought airtime to show the other half of that confrontation, where he knocked over Hart and 3 Count with a trash can.
They didn’t see it coming (figuratively, of course—I mean, Mancow was right in front of them).
It was then that Tony Schiavone told viewers Mancow and Hart would wrestle at that Sunday’s pay-per-view (again). “Believe it or not”, he added.
The incredulous Tony would even tell viewers (incorrectly) that when the two men had wrestled before, it was non-televised.
So inconceivable was it that WCW would charge for this match twice, Schiavone had simply blocked out the first one. And he had done the live play-by-play!
At Mayhem, Matthew “Mancow” Muller arrived in a “Boy Bands Suck” t-shirt—probably due to his run-ins with 3 Count, but not necessarily so.
Accompanying him was an entire entourage of “losers” (his words), which according to Wikipedia included:
“Al Roker Jr., Freak, Jim Jesus, and Turd the Bartender”.
The announcers brought up Muller’s frequent appearances on Fox News, as if that meant he belonged in a wrestling ring.
In the ring, he pandered to the fans in Milwaukee (“the city which I love”). Oh yeah—unlike at Spring Stampede, he wasn’t even in his hometown this time.
But he also cussed out Mark Madden for no apparent reason…
…so it wasn’t all bad.
Jimmy Hart then walked out with a phony-baloney injury and pleaded with Mr. Cow.
But Muller showed no mercy, comparing him to Al Gore: “You don’t know when to say goodbye!”
“I’m George W Bush,” he continued, “and I have already kicked your ass!” For the record, Gore won Wisconsin.
To finish off the most “November 2000” promo ever delivered, he threatened Jimmy Hart thusly: “I may kick you right in your chad!”
“Your hanging chad”, he added, to clarify that he meant his dick.
Mancow was so mad at the pathetic little son of a bitch that he just had to tell his pal what a son of a bitch he was.
But Jimmy (being a son of a bitch) whacked him with his crutch as soon as he turned his back.
Immediately, Jimmy felt the wrath of Turd and Freak in the form of a double clothesline.
While Muller and Hart engaged in what can only be described as a male catfight…
…3 Count showed up and disposed of Mancow’s lackeys…
…then put the boots to the DJ himself.
But Mancow could not be bothered to even acknowledge their kicks, so the two wrestlers gave up and left the ring.
Muller then made the mistake of pulling Hart to his feet, at which point Willy punched him right in the jimmy. (I may have gotten that backwards)
Hart gave Mancow a good thrashing and celebrated, but the DJ came right back with a crutch…
…then hit Hart with his own cast…
…scored the 1-2-3…
…and punched him in the balls immediately after.
Having pinned Jimmy Hart and perforated his chad, Mancow celebrated, while Tony Schiavone made one his most subtly ridiculous calls ever:
“A big win for Mancow!” he declared, with a tone of absolute sincerity.
Sadly, WCW folded before Mancow could capitalize (with another Jimmy Hart match).