Whaddaya know, the WWE FINALLY had the guts to release a Randy Savage compilation DVD set of his matches, just stopping short of an Ultimate Warrior backhanded compliment/all out hate fest. I don’t want to get into WHY the company has never decided to milk the proverbial Macho cash cow in years past. If you do a Google search for “Randy Savage Stephanie McMahon” and you’ll find the rumors as to the situation, but no one seems to want to verify that. Heck, even Dave Meltzer won’t answer it directly, advising everyone to ask “Oliver”, because “Oliver knows.”
What this man would know about the situation may be the biggest mystery of all.
I joke, I joke. But yes, the DVD is finally here, and at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters. And what a DVD it is. Not only do we get countless Randy Savage matches, but it’s hosted by the exceedingly nutty duo of Matt Striker and Maria. I get the Teacher; he’s a wrestling uber nerd, and for that, I love him. Maria? Well, let’s just say I wouldn’t be shocked if five minutes before the cameras started rolling they had to explain who, precisely, Randy Savage and Elizabeth were. Ah, to have been a fly on the wall for that pre-production meeting. I think it’s in the WWE Divas’ contracts that they’re required to say Miss Elizabeth was their idol to have an excuse to stand there and look worried/blank very prettily, though in a surgically enhanced way.
Anyways, to celebrate the release of this set (which you can help out the site by buying righchere: WWE: Macho Madness – The Randy Savage Ultimate Collection
The year was 2006, ECW made its alleged return to television under the WWE banner and soon went to Hell in an IcoPro-powered XFL blimp. It was also the year of Jack Black’s wrestling comedy Nacho Libre.
Don’t remember Nacho Libre? Don’t fret. You’re not missing much. The best scenes are in the trailer.
Unforgettable moments such as the horny fat lady (cause they all are, amIrightfolks?) setting her sights on the underweight uncomfortable potential male rape victim…
…a young nun being subjected to Franciscan Monk Jack Black’s clenched buttcheeks (3 Hail Mary’s won’t be enough to get that out of your system…maybe you should just cut your eyeballs out, sister)…
…and the scene where Jack Black’s character invites the pretty young Sister to eat toast with him while they sit there in awkward silence for about 5 years….
…and of course the scenes with Nacho and his malnourished tag team partner having a series of hahalarious misshaps in the ring such as fighting midget Bigfoots…or Bigfeets….or maybe they’re tiny Ron Perlmans from the Beauty and the Beast tv series from the 80s.
(Note from RD: Mike Check just called…he said your references are very dated.)
And did I mention this was based on a true story?
There, I just saved you 90 minutes.
And your sides, which surely would have split open from all the laughter.
Regardless, the movie was a modest hit in its first week but word of mouth was not positive and the movie quickly faded from the Top Box Office list. The WWE decided to capitalize on the movie while it was still hot by creating a character called “Macho Libre”, played by Tony Devito, a former member of “Da Baldies” during the original ECW’s final days. Macho Libre was dressed like Jack Black’s character but spoke and gestured like a familiar “Macho” character and wore the same sunglasses that’ll cause you to walk into a wall or knock grandma over.
And what better place to use this character than the BRAND NEW RE-LAUNCHED ECW?!
Why I can hear Paul Heyman’s famous battle cry now:
“This….is EXTREEEEEEEEEEEME!!”
Joey notes “last week we had a friggin’ zombie and now this” as Tazz forces himself into the fakest fake laughter this side of Michael Cole.
Macho Libre then cuts a KILLER promo that the Albany crowd is fast asleep for. I swear, you can hear a pin drop. It’s so silent, in fact, that I’m surprised we couldn’t hear Vince screaming, “Laugh, dammit…LAUGH!” over the headset to his announce crew.
I can only assume that Joey and Tazz are laughing throughout this promo because they are thinking of Rodney Dangerfield in Back To School. “Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!”
“I’m Livin’ La Vida Loca! I’m Livin’ La Vida Loca!” Way to win the crowd (comprised at that time of original ECW fans) over by referencing a crappy overplayed song from 7 years earlier, dummy. “Say everything twice! Say everything twice!”
I’m telling you, NO ONE is saying a word. It’s as quiet as a movie theater showing Nacho Libre!
(Note from RD: I’m confused…Vince killed off Pirate Paul Birchill because he had never seen Pirates of the Caribbean. Are you telling me that he actually sat through Nacho Libre? What kinda sick freak is he?)
“So this is E….C…..W”.
Man, where oh where is the backstage shot showing us Paul E., RVD, and Dreamer? I can just see them banging their heads against the wall and sobbing like DeNiro in Raging Bull.
(Note from RD: Which I also bet Vince has never seen.)
What’s that do I hear?? Generic rock entrance music?? It’s GOTTA be THE SANDMAN!!! YES!! The 5-time ECW World Champ coming through the crowd and doing his non-Metallica royaltied entrance. The crowds are cheering their lungs out because they know what’s coming. Oh yes. If you’ll remember, the first month of the re-launched ECW, The Sandman was given the task of coming to the ring to murder a variety of annoying over-the-top gimmicked characters. I must admit, The Zombie was the best. He ruled so friggin’ hard. RD and Blade will back me up on this. 🙂
The Sandman enters the ring for a staredown while Macho Libre taunts him. “I know we’re in the state capital but not even the Governor can save Macho Libre!”, says Joey.
I’d make a Governor of New York/Client Number 9 joke but I’m not sure how many people visiting this site would get it.
Probably the same amount that got my Bernard Hermann reference from a few weeks back.
Sandman, who has, without question, the greatest pissed off look in wrestling history somehow tops himself here by looking even more irate.
Seriously, look at that guy – would you ever want ANYONE looking at you like that?
And he gets even more ticked as Macho Libre has some harsh words for him. “Let me tell you something something something, OH YEAH!!”
Hey pal, you didn’t have to get personal!
Sandman has had enough, like us all, and quickly dispatches Macho Libre with his trusty Singapore Cane…
…pausing only to down a beer.
Remember that moment right before they revealed Hornswoggle as Vince’s kid and they teased it was Sandman?
If they had actually gone THAT direction, WWE ratings would have gone so high Neilsen would have had to invent a new system.
And a Side White Russian Legsweep finally ends Macho Libre’s WWE…I mean ECW career for the 1-2-3.
Oh come on, Jim.
A wrestling move?
How passe.
*sigh* That entrance-way is sadly the last thing this would have in common with the original ECW.
Macho Libre sucked, Macho Libre sucked. It was not funny, it was not funny. Oh no I’m stuck on “say everything twice”, Oh no I’m stuck on….
(RD slaps Kelly)
Thanks Deal, I needed that.