The Usos’ career has been remarkable.
Even before the Bloodline storyline, Jimmy and Jey Uso had teamed for over a decade…
…when standard WWE practice was to split teams up within six months to create singles stars.
Consider this: The Usos stayed together four years before winning the tag titles. That’s not just a show of faith in a team, it’s a WWE record.
So when WWE finally pulled the trigger on an Uso vs. Uso match in 2024, there were great expectations. This wasn’t just any WrestleMania match; it was the culmination of a storyline that began in 2020, with history dating back to 2010.
Suitably, WWE hyped the match up with a video package…
…and a Jey Uso entrance with Lil Wayne.
But there was one bad omen: The Usos would settle their feud in a match sponsored by Dude Wipes.
Jey kicked off the match with a dive to the outside to start the match off hot.
Cole noted this was the third match between “real-life brothers” at WrestleMania, meaning that, canonically, the Brothers of Destruction were no longer brothers.
Jey kept up the offense with another dive, a kick, and a flying crossbody before taking a long pause. When he tried to go back on the attack, Jimmy turned the match around with… this thing.
Cole called it a neckbreaker, and Graves called it a pop-up Samoan Drop (that he didn’t get all of).
Jimmy followed this up with hip attacks as the match settled into a deliberate pace that it never broke.
The older Uso then spammed the superkick…
…delivering five…
…over the course of a minute…
…all while yelling “Come on!” a total of eleven times.
Pat McAfee and Corey Graves took advantage of the lull in the action to have a chicken-and-egg debate about Jimmy Uso kicking his brother and sucking.
As Jimmy taunted the fans, Corey noted that, for the first time tonight, there was no Yeet.
But after evading a splash, Jey hit his own superkick.
When Jimmy escaped a Samoan drop attempt…
…he and Jey exchanged not just superkicks…
…but, showcasing dazzling versatility, enzuigiri kicks (not pictured).
“Anything you can do, I can do”, said Pat McAfee. Not better, mind you, but the twins definitely proved they had indistinguishable move sets.
After a standoff, Jimmy escaped yet another Samoan drop attempt…
…and the two traded superkicks again.
“Gimme that sh*t!” said Jey to Jimmy…
…daring him to superkick him again.
He did.
Jey, of course, retaliated with a superkick.
Jimmy, not taking this lying down, then hit back with a superkick while loudly calling the next spot. “Punch me, Josh”, he told his brother, real name Joshua Fatu.
But Josh did not. Would you care to guess what he did instead?
That’s right: Just as Jimmy Uso tried to superkick Jey Uso, Jey Uso superkicked Jimmy Uso.
“It’s been 50-50 so far”, said Cole. Really? That many? My count was 9-5, advantage Jimmy.
When Jey superkicked his brother again, Graves noted that, “That one rocked Jimmy”
“What about the other ten?” asked Pat McAfee, who, like the rest of us, had noticed there had been a lot of superkicks in this match.
And it had all but sucked the life out of the stadium. This wasn’t so much a superkick party as a superkick wake.
Jey then superkicked his brother again before propping him up in the corner (for more superkicks, presumably).
“I’m your twin brother!” yelled Jey. Whoa, plot twist!
After a long pause, Jey reached deep into his repertoire and hit Jimmy with a jumping superkick.
But just when it looked like Jey was going to finish his twin off with a superkick, Jimmy begged him off. He wouldn’t superkick his own brother, would he?
It was a hell of a story: Just as Jey was about to deal the “deathblow”…
…he had a sudden twinge of compassion.
Unable to stand another superkick, Jimmy cried for forgiveness and crawled to his brother, who helped him to his feet…
…only for Jimmy to pay him back with…
…well, you know. I’m not saying the Usos relied too much on one move, but WWE posted 24 photos from the match itself, and eight were of superkicks.
Jimmy then splashed Jey, who kicked out. This left Jimmy absolutely flabbergasted. How could someone kick out of his one move all night that wasn’t a superkick?
The evil twin backed into the corner, waiting intently for just the right time to hit another superkick.
This concentration was briefly broken, however, when he caught his teenage daughter on her phone (possibly streaming a better match).
“Jayla, get off your damn phone”, he told his daughter, no doubt bored out of her skull. “Watch your daddy!”
On the one hand, Jimmy had a point. Here was her dad and her uncle wrestling one of the biggest matches of their career on the biggest stage in their industry. Here she was with a front row seat to take it all in. And she couldn’t go ten minutes without distracting herself with social media or some Tetris knockoff?
On the other hand, yeah. Yeah…
Anyway, Jimmy Uso went back to stalking Jey, but when he finally ran at him, Jey caught him with a spear…
which he followed up with a splash…
…and the pin.
“That took everything, everything in his heart, everything in his soul”, said Cole. “It went against the very fabric in the being of Jey Uso to take his brother Jimmy out tonight”
And by everything in his soul, he meant two consecutive moves that weren’t superkicks.
If it was any consolation to Jimmy, if this match had been scored on points, he’d have won, 10 superkicks to 8.
True, Jimmy Uso vs. Jey Uso may not have been a technical classic.
Yes, it may played out like the last ten minutes of a match that had already gone on way too long.
But it was as intense a physical battle as two people could have while slapping their thighs on every move for sound effects.