Have you ever noticed that when additions are made to a wrestling family, they almost always flop? I mean, look at Kerry Von Erich. Here’s a guy that was on top of the world, a stellar athlete with unfathomable charisma and a wealth of talent. Next thing you know, along comes the bogus Lance Von Erich, and what happens? Everyone in the family dies.
Coincidence?
Sick joke?
You make the call!
Not all wrestling families keeled over when they adopted. Sometimes, their careers just suffered for it. And that leads us to today’s addition to the WrestleCrap clan, Jimmy Jack Funk.
In the late 1980’s, the WWF had secured the services of two of wrestling’s greatest legends. Terry Funk and Dory Funk Jr. (who was inexcplicably called “Hoss” Funk throughout his WWF run) came into the the WWF and started running roughshod over fan favorites like Hulk Hogan and the Junkyard Dog.
It was apparent to Vince McMahon, though, that something was missing. And thus former Portland grappler Jesse Barr was given a Lone Ranger mask and became the “craziest of the Funks” (Vinnie’s words, not mine), Jimmy Jack Funk.
He’d hoot and holler. He’d rant and rave. He would ring a cowbell and swing a bullrope. He was CRAZY, I tells ya! CRAZY!!!
Of course, that didn’t get him over in the least. Other than a handful of occasions when he teamed with Dory in some tag matches with the likes of the British Bulldogs, he was mired in the midcard and worse. It seemed like he opened more cards than Hallmark. No one really cared about a bogus Funk brother – they wanted the real thing, mainly Terry, whose late 80’s WWF stay was all too brief.
Still, as bad as all this sounds, Jimmy Jack Funk did make me laugh on at least two occasions. He cut one of the funniest promos of the late 80’s, one I still quote to this day. The best, though, was the time he hung Alfred Hayes from a tree during an episode of TNT, the old WWF variety show on USA.
Jimmy Jack may have been crap, but anyone that beats the hell out of Lord Alfred can’t be all bad.
Jimmy Jack Funk: “You think you’re strong?” *hocks a loogy on the floor* “Pick THAT up!”