I haven’t been a writer here at The ‘Crap too long but one thing that is mostly consistent within this ever changing world in which we live in, it’s almost always possible to find the comedy in these bad gimmicks and angles.
The Black Scorpion is my #1 favorite Wrestlecrappy gimmick ever. Seriously, I cannot get enough of that angle. I can watch my home-made Black Scorpion compilation every day for 2 weeks and still laugh my head off at the promos, the kiddie magic show segments and the matches.
And then, there’s angles that are simply bad. They’re just bad. No comedy can be found within the black hole of badness. And the worst part of it is when the angle leads to a dead end.
Which leads me to this week’s induction, assigned to me by the Princess Leia to my Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mr. Real Deal Reynolds.
Making his debut as the host of the TNT Show is your friend and mine, Superstar Jesse “The Body” Graham wearing the snazziest pair of Lolita sunglasses that only Jesse can make look macho.
And of course, where would we be without perpetual co-host/stooge/punching bag, Lord Alfred Hayes?
He looks thrilled to be there, doesn’t he, folks?
(Note from RD: I’m guessing he’d rather be there than at his current gig as shill-meister for WrestleCrap Radio.)
Jesse attempts to make his mark as host of the TNT Show by stating that he has scooped all the networks by getting an EXCLUSIVE interview with a fellow Minnesotan.
Former Vice President Walter Mondale?
Garrison Keilor?
While both would have provided the same amount of entertainment value (that being zero), Jesse went for broke, and brought out “the one and only…
Prince?
Wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute here. That ain’t Prince Rogers Nelson. That’s our old buddy the Soul Man, complete with Lionel Ritchie wig.
(Note from RD: A C. Thomas Howell reference? We’re keeping you on staff, kid!)
Now we know whoever came up with this idea was still working with the company twenty years later and gave the go-ahead to the Layla ECW figure.
This is around the time the movie Purple Rain and the soundtrack had made Prince a household name so he was the hottest commodity in the music scene and pop culture at the time, which leads me to believe Vince McMahon had NOTHING to do with this segment. We all know if it was Vince, he would’ve put on a Barry White impersonator.
If Vince was, in fact, hip enough to know who Barry White was.
Which he probably wasn’t. Heck, we should just be thankful that the band wasn’t playing La Grange or something.
So Prince Thomas Howell stands around as generic music that makes Doc Severensen sound like Iron Maiden plays in the background, as Alfred looks at “Prince” like he’s a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater, and Jesse bops his head along and saying to himself, “Oh this is gonna sink right down like the Titanic”, which is coincidently how I felt writing this one up.
Jesse’s EXCLUSIVE interview with Prince includes hardball questions like, “I’m your favorite wrestler, right Prince?” and “how would you like to go on a weight-lifting program?”, to which the Purple One responds, “….yes”
Lord Alfred says he doesn’t listen to Prince’s music, mostly cause it involves lyrics about sex with women and not chasing roided guys around the locker room with your schlong.
Don’t ask, it’s probably best not to know.
Besides, differing opinions is what makes America great, right?
Jesse quickly puts the kibosh on the “interview” portion and asks Prince Apu Nehasabeemapetalan to come out later to perform. Good lord, will it EVER end???!
Later, His Royal Purpleness comes back to the same generic house band music to “dance”.
And while you may think we’re just short-changing you with a three-frame GIF, trust me, we’re not.
Still, to be fair, his spinkick move may have gotten him “best workrate: WWF” in the 1986 Observer Awards.
But wait, here comes Vince! Sadly not in his signature powder blue line-backer shouldered jacket, to tell the non-existent TNT audience (seriously, they haven‘t made a sound the whole show), “THAT’S NOT PRINCE!”
Why, he even had the audacity to call Jesse a “FRAUD!”
Jesse responds to Vince’s allegations of faking everyone out by telling McMahon to take this job and re-staff it, which would happen for real five years later.
Of course, he’d wind up later working for Vince in the XFL, but we’ll just try to ignore that.
Vince takes this moment to apologize for making everyone believe (yeah right) that the real Prince was there. And then…….the show just ends. Yep, that’s it. It just ends.
And Alfred is wondering if he has to beat himself up now.
That, or he’s just REALLY constipated.
This segment clocks in at approximately 5:51 minutes. At least that’s what the VCR says. When I started watching, I was a single 25-year old. When it ended, I was somehow a twice divorced 45-year old mother of 3 insane hellions.
You know, people often complain how the WWF from the 80s is so different than the WWE of today. But I’ve noticed for the first time that both eras have angles that went nowhere, painful attempts at “comedy” with bad celebrity impersonations and long stretches where actual wrestling is not to be found.
I guess things haven’t changed much.