Not sure if you heard, but Monday Night Raw has moved to this streaming platform thing called Netflix. Really, it’s true, that actually happened. I know they were keeping it very hush hush, but this actually occurred, this past Monday in fact as I write this. You’d think they’d beat us over the head with that, spending like three hours telling us how great they are, bringing back the biggest names of their past, and more or less putting on the biggest spectacle possibly imaginable.
I kid, I kid, as that is of course exactly what happened. Whether you liked the show or not is up to you, and I’ve heard folks on both sides of that argument, with some claiming it was the greatest show in the history of the world and others calling it an utter disaster of Biblical proportions. But the one thing I heard over and over is that no matter what, it was a huge success as it introduced a lot of new viewers to professional wrestling. It’s of course open to debate as to how many ‘new’ fans they made, but it did make me ponder this: if there were people that had never watched wrestling before, wouldn’t they head out to Google to find out more information on the folks on screen? That’s logical, right?
So that’s exactly what I did Monday night. Sometimes I’d Google who was onscreen at the time, sometimes I’d just stream of consciousness throw a name in the search bar. But no matter who I looked up, one thing kept coming up over and over again:
Yep, “People also ask.” I have no idea what logic Google is using for these items, but let me tell you, these were WAY more interesting that just throwing some dude’s name in there and seeing what the search engine barfed up in response. For instance, the first person I looked up was Triple H.
Like that’s literally the first thing listed. Now in the old days I would have snarked something like “massive ego which causes him to kill people’s careers in wrestling”, but I’ve tried to be a bit kinder in my old age. And you know, that kinda makes sense folks would ask that – if they remember him from his reign of terror in the early part of the century when he was gassed to the gills, I could totally see someone realizing that he had a medical condition.
Which of course he does. Again, this makes sense and I can understand the logic here. So let’s throw another name in and see what we get, namely his wife.
Again, LOGICAL follow up. I get why people would want to know where she is.
A little dated, but fair enough. It doesn’t take long though before the wheels start falling off the Google machine in a pretty insane manner, as I next decided to look up John Cena.
Yes, according to Google the very first “People also ask” when it comes to John Cena is if he’s HISPANIC.
NO, Google helpfully explains, John Cena is NOT Hispanic. You know what the next “People also ask” should be? “Has anyone on planet earth ever really asked if John Cena is Hispanic?” Because I truly believe the answer to that is also no.
Seriously, people apparently ask this. I think we all should agree that such a query should only be answered if presented in this form:
Well we don’t get that but we do get an answer!
And unfortunately for Liv, Dom does NOT like Liv. I personally find that hard to believe, but whatever. Let’s move onward and look up the Wiseman himself, Paul Heyman!
Ok, let’s see…is that his real name, what’s his salary, what’s his religion…wait, what? Who Reigns his religion? That’s just random words strung together? And pray tell why would someone Google Paul E and also want to know “Who are the 5 horsemen of atheism”???!!!!
Oh come on, he’s not THAT bad. Now Google is just making up its own stories. Let’s see, who else could we look up…how about Michael Cole?
Well, I know we will all sleep better tonight knowing that these two are not related. You’d think that was a given, considering I’ve never seen the WWE guy looking the same pigment as Homer Simpson. Still, weird to see an AEW guy even listed when a WWE dude is the primary search.
I mean, despite the fact they just landed a gigantic deal with Max, apparently AEW is so invisible that no one even knows what Chris Jericho does for a living these days! And just when you thought things aren’t THAT weird, I present you my search for Brock Lesnar. But before I do, I want to warn you I am just the reporter here – this was literally what Google told me on Monday night people were asking.
IS BROCK LESNAR’S DAUGHTER A GUY.
WHO ON EARTH WOULD EVER ASK SUCH A THING? Let alone enough that it would be a top result? Has that person ever seen Brock Lesnar? Wouldn’t they be fearful Brock might hunt them down?
And no, Brock Lesnar’s daughter is in fact NOT a guy. Scroll down a bit more and we get another question about Brock’s kids…
You know, that could be interesting. I’ve never heard a single word about Brock’s son. So yeah, what DOES he do? Google, please tell me.
Yep, that’s the sum and total of what the almighty Google had to tell us. Fascinating. And while I didn’t think anything could possibly top this, a search on Hulk Hogan proved me quite wrong.
All things considered, I think I’ll start using Ask Jeeves again.