INDUCTION: Nu Wave Wrestling – So Rikishi and Scott Steiner Walk Into a Bar…

31 Submitted by on Thu, 22 April 2021, 20:00

Nu Wrestling Evolution, 2005

Not sure if you’ve noticed, but the move from WWE Network to Peacock here for us ‘muricans has proven to…well…kinda suck.  The massive library we were all accustomed to having at our fingertips is mostly gone, and we’re left with the most basic of stuff imaginable.  You want a recent Raw?  No problem.  A random WrestleMania? Sure, it’s there.  But deeper dive stuff has been lost to the ether.  It’s almost enough to drive you to drink.

And if you’re lucky, you’d wind up where we start off our induction today, which is with Rikishi and Scott Steiner in a bar!

Really.  Here they are doing shots and everything!

This is apparently a show from something called Nu Wave Wrestling, which I have literally no recollection of.  To be fair, I hardly remember what I had for breakfast this morning so it may have been the biggest thing ever back in 2005, which is the date that is plastered on it.  I believe this was a series in Italy and featured local talent as well as major US stars.

Major US stars like Scott Steiner and Rikishi.  Did I mention they were drinking yet?  Well, they are, and it doesn’t take long for them to tell the bartender he also needs to drink, so he starts getting tanked too.  After this, Rikishi and Scott shake hands, Rikishi puts on a hat, and they leave together.

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

The lovefest continues, as we are now whisked away to a marina, where Rikishi asks a 50-something year old woman to go sit with a very gloomy Big Poppa Pump.  I have no idea why he is in the dumps. Nor do I have a clue where this is going.  In the interest of fairness, though, I will admit I am equally intrigued and horrified.  

On second thought, no, not equally, more like 10% intrigued and 90% horrified.

At this point, I should admit I have no idea what on earth I am watching, but the pendulum has definitely swung back to 50/50 on the intrigued-horrified scale. If this turns out to be 47 minutes of Steiner and Rikishi as wacky buddies going on a series of misadventures, I am all for it.

And it sure seems that’s the direction we are going, as now we get them laughing and playing VIDEOGAMES.  I never would have pictured Big Poppa Pump as a gamer in any way shape or form, but he seems to be having a ball here.  I think maybe they’re playing as Stone Cold and the Rock!

I know what you’re thinking, though.  You are thinking, “RD, this is great and all, but what would really be amazing is if they went for a walk in the park and fed some ducks.”

To which I can happily say…

…your wish is Nu Wave’s command!

And just like any good storyline, all of these precious shared moments lead to a pro wrestling match between the two.

Wait, what?

Yeah, I mean, we don’t even get a commercial or anything, it’s just getting drunk, have fun on a Playstation 2, feeding ducks, then hitting each other in the head with a chair.

Oh, and that elbow drop you just saw?  Yeah, that’s the finish of the match.  

Can we get these guys back out chilling together?  Any petting zoos in the area?

Sadly, we don’t have time to ponder that as it’s time to head to our next match of the evening.  This one features Vampiro taking on, and with the good Lord above as my witness I am not making this up…

…RIKISHI!

Are these two friends too?  I totally want to see them going to see grabbing a pizza, going shopping at Hot Topic, then catching the midnight showing of House of Wax.

Anyway, Kishi has better luck against Vamp than he did against Scotty, pulling out the win by sitting on his foe.

So I am guessing they are not, in fact, friends, but who knows.

Because now Rikishi heads backstages and is immediately attacked by…

Scott Steiner!

Just in case you were confused to Scott’s true feelings, he loudly proclaims, and I quote, “I WAS NEVER YOUR FRIEND!”  

Dude, you fed ducks together!  

What kind of despicable human being are you anyway?

Then we get a vision of Vampiro sitting atop a row of lockers directing traffic.  He motions to Scotty to clobber Kishi with a fire extinguisher, which leads us to a fade to black white!

And now things get truly dark, as we get a HEART RATE MONITOR going over Kishi’s prone carcass.  Thankfully, he doesn’t flatline.  But…

…he does wind up in the HOSPITAL, where the doctor recites the following dialogue:

“De situation izt bad.  He haz bed concussion. He ken’t wressle any meer. Inz my perzonel oopinioon, he could be perelized for de rest of hiz life.”

And the academy overlooked this man.

And indeed it is dire straights, to the point that his friends go to his room and give him last rites.

I’d like to think he’s up in heaven right now thinking of the good times he had feeding ducks with Big Poppa Pump.

From there we get a wrestling match, but if you’re like me, you just fast forward until you find…

…Scott Steiner wandering around a castle before spontaneously combusting.

At this point, I want to remind you, dear reader, I am not making any of this up.  It’s just your old buddy and your old pal RD Reynolds reporting the facts.  When those facts include Big Poppa Pump blowing up like the Death Star, I feel it’s my duty to relay such information.

More wrestling follows with whoever this guy is.  This is where I’d normally do some research and give details on this man’s career, but who can be bothered with that when Rikishi is in the hospital clinging to life?

Lying motionless on what appears to be a butcher’s cutting table, Rikishi asks his friend, “Cosa ha detto il dottore?”  Translated literally, I believe that means “please help – the nurse has stolen my keys.”

I kid, I kid.

He inquires as to what the doctors had to say.  In tears, Rikishi learns that he may never walk again.  He implores his brother/cousin/Idontknowwhothisis to go out and get revenge for him.

“PROMISE ME THAT!” he bellows from his deathbed as he cohort promises that he shall do his best.

More Italian indy wrestling follows, and no offense to these men who are working to entertain us, but WHO CARES.  

And with apologies as well to The Vampire Named Kevin ripping off Dustin Rhodes’ stupid WCW gimmick, I don’t need that either.

No, what we need is an update on the main characters, namely Vampiro who apparently is running around on all fours like a dog.  I’d suggest he’s turned into a werewolf, but his name is VAMPIRO after all!

The show comes to its conclusion with another Samoan running around looking like he broke into Yoshi Kwan’s closet and stole his collection of hats.  Wait, that’s Tonga Kid?  The same Tonga Kid that tagged up with Haku like 25 years ago on WWF Superstars?

MIND.

BLOWN.

 

And…well, that sure was something.  I’ve watched a lot of wrestling over the years, and I have to say I’ve never seen anything quite like it.  I honestly don’t know if it was good or bad.  It was totally random, I’ll give it that.

The question therefore is this: should I continue reviewing this series (provided I can even find more episodes)?  

Do you care if Rikishi returns from the brink of death?  

Will Scott Steiner repent and return to feeding ducks?

And what of that Vampiro guy?  Will he change his name to Werewolfo?

As the kids say, let me know if the comments below!


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Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!
31 Responses to "INDUCTION: Nu Wave Wrestling – So Rikishi and Scott Steiner Walk Into a Bar…"
  1. Erich says:

    PLEASE review more of these! You’ve got me hooked, RD, and I gotta see what comes net!

  2. Sean Bateman says:

    Please do more of these, Deal.

  3. Osama Bin Goomba says:

    Dear R.D.,

    BTW, about the current WWE Network selection on Peacock (at time of writing)… EVERYTHING from WWE Network won’t fully show up on Peacock until around SummerSlam. I mean, as I’m writing this, they’ve JUST ADDED stuff like December to Dismember and Cyber Sunday 2006-2008, so don’t worry, they’re adding EVERYTHING from WWE Network onto Peacock, it’s just taking a while and, like I said, will be finished by SummerSlam.

    Love your work by the way!

  4. Preparation Triple H says:

    To quote Milhouse Van Houten, “I fear to watch, yet I cannot turn away!”

  5. Tempest Fennac says:

    I’m curious about what happens on other episodes (mostly due to wondering how much more random it can get).

  6. Hobo with a Shotgun says:

    Definitely more reviews. You can’t end with a cliffhanger like that.

  7. patrick says:

    This was the italian wrestling organization that had Warrior come out of retirement to beat Orlando Jordan for the title, I believe.
    And you KNOW that had to be a 6 star match.

    I don’t think he ever defended it.

  8. Al Boondy says:

    that’s a swan

  9. Acolyte of Glorious La Parka~ says:

    YES, YES, PLEASE CONTINUE THIS

  10. LoganB says:

    If the other episodes of this show are as nonsensical as this one I would definitely read more!

  11. Enhancement Talent 3 Mark II says:

    I vaguely recall this RD. I think it was on the old Fight Network around this time (2005-2007.) Very vignette heavy. But ripe for inductions, so I endorse your continued reviewing of this series!

  12. Tony says:

    I’m pretty sure this is the promotion where Ultimate Warrior had his final match, against Orlando Jordan.

    Also, of course Scott Steiner was faking his friendship with Rikishi. Everybody knows Scott Steiner hates ducks.

  13. Andy says:

    Wait, is that the same guy that went on to become Mordecai and Kevin Thorne?!

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Thorn

    I think it is! One of his old gimmicks is listed as a guy named “7even”

  14. Magnum_PU says:

    Definitely need to see more….can’t end on a cliffhanger like that show The Event that I watched every episode of only to be left hanging with no closure!

    And also, everything you said about the Peacock debacle is so true. I would also add that the functionality of said random Wrestlemanias is also the shits.

  15. Tony Lorusso says:

    But I thought Scott Steiner hated ducks…

  16. Ant says:

    You have to do more episodes as hopefully it’ll lead to when Orlando Jordan defended the NWE title against The Ultimate Warrior (I’m not kidding)

  17. Dave says:

    That was a swan, not a duck.

  18. Keir says:

    None of this made sense.None of it.

  19. Andy says:

    As Andrea True Connection sang – more, more, more

  20. Mr Boing says:

    Count Floyd from SCTV would often howl
    So maybe he and Vampiro are related

  21. ThePWBPoster says:

    Great induction R.D., so basically Nu Wave Wrestling was indeed crap, but this is the kind of crap you’d want to watch the week after just to see how crazier it gets. So far we got the main eventers like Scott Steiner, Rikishi and Vampiro. Kevin Thorne before he was WWE’s property, and then somehow a wild Tonga Kid appears.

    I am tempted to find out more about this fed, as I have never remembered it as well and yes I do have selective memory….this may be one of those things my mind DIDN’T want to remember. Damn you, mind!

  22. Dog Hands (Lee W.) says:

    At the risk of belabouring the point, I completely agree that we need to see much more of this.

  23. Carl says:

    It’s not too late to do a buddy sitcom with Steiner and Rikishi. You could have an episode where ‘Kish shows up at Steiner’s Shoney’s and mows through the all-you-can-eat buffet. And Steiner thinks, “he’s my pal, but at this rate he’ll eat my way into bankruptcy!” and we cue the laugh track. It’ll be great.

  24. CF says:

    It’s the Italian Mockbuster version of WCW under Vince Russo.

    “Wrestling Ventures International”? (With the flagrant ripoff of Wrestlemanias which have a Federal Injunction against being shown in the USA….)

  25. Karl says:

    Please do more of these? Also is Rikishis “friends” the Full Blooded italians Palumbo and the Bull?

  26. ThePWBPoster says:

    Playstation 2: The good days. 🙂

  27. Richard Phillips says:

    You know what, if I was to pick two guys who would totally do a random coke-fuelled episode of wrestling-Seinfeld it’d be Rikishi and Steiner.

  28. Toxic says:

    NWE was the promotion where the Ultimate Warrior had his last match ever. He beat Orlando Jordan for their world heavyweight title (which he obviously never defended) in Spain, on a card that also featured the likes of Heidenreich and Vito. He hadn’t wrestled in ages, and the crowd was very quiet, most of the audience having no idea who he was and why he was supposed to be a big deal.
    If I’m not mistaken B.B. also had her last match ever in NWE, as “Miss B.”. Their roster was that legendary.

  29. Eddie C says:

    I know this may be a tired cliché to say at this point, but I’m more invested into what happened here than what happens in WWE nowadays. I’m dead serious here.

    Also, PLEASE PLEASE YES find some more of these!

  30. Jay says:

    Actually, this was the promotion which launched the only wrestling event I’ve attended, but in that time it changed its name to Nu-Wrestling Evolution. I don’t know how (I guess , after its italian tour, they managed to get a spanish one with Booker, Raven, PAC and Chris Masters among them, and they even got a deal on National TV. No need to say it was a flop, both the event and the deal.

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