When you step back and think about it, there’s something very strange about this whole pro wrestling business. Something that may cause those who don’t follow the business to think that the folks in the stands must all be a bit light in the loafers. After all, why would a predominantly male audience spend hours on end watching other men pretend to fight while wearing little more than than a pair of bikini briefs? It would almost be enough to make a lesser man question his sexuality.
With that pedigree, I suppose it should come as little shock that the business has been home to countless transvestites and hermaphrodites over the years. In fact, just off the top of my head, I can name several. There was Sammy, who Mark Henry felt up until discovering that his new woman had a penis. There was Kloudi, the polar opposite of Sunny. There was Darren Drozdov.
Well, anyway, it’s time to throw another one on the scrap heap. But in this instance, the cross dresser in question wasn’t just a man with a penchant for all things silk and lace, but rather a dude who would become WWF Women’s Champion.
So it was on Raw one night in 2000 that fans were treated to a Snow Bunny Match featuring Women’s Champ The Cat and an unnamed, mystery opponent.
Now if you don’t remember The Cat, well, I feel sorry fer ya, as she was one fine kitty.
And, in fact, she was also the only woman in the history of WWF/WWE to purposely disrobe and showcase naked breasts to fans at home.
No wonder Jerry Lawler became so obsessed with The Cat that he spent an entire chapter of his autobiography proclaiming his love for her.
Anyway, her challenger this evening was a newcomer to the WWF ranks, a rather frumpy competitor known as “Hervina”.
And thus the two became embroiled in a heated battle.
Well, as heated as a battle can become whilst exchanging holds atop a pile of snow.
Eventually Cat climbed to the…well, this is where I would normally write “top rope”, but in this instance, there was no rope, just a small platform approximately 4″ above the snow.
But saying, “Eventually Cat climbed to the small platform approximately 4″ above the snow” just doesn’t seem like something an award winning wrestling journalist like myself should write.
Sadly, the Cat’s legendary title reign would come to an end, as Hervina covered her for the 1-2-3.
Michael Cole, who looked to weigh about 83 pounds, went over to get a word with the WWF’s latest Diva.
But lo and behold this wasn’t any old Diva…
…it was Dr. Harvey Whippleman in disguise!
Hmm, I don’t know which of his getups actually looks worse.
As Cole did the phoniest laugh this side of Krankor , Whippleman threw him face first into the snow.
You know, when you’re getting your ass kicked by HARVEY WHIPPLEMAN, it’s time to hand in your Man Card.
And yes, the world was treated to the first ever woman’s champion to ever have a penis.
Unless you count what was hanging between Chyna’s legs.
Hervina’s first order of business? To cut a scathing promo on the initial challenger to his belt, Miss Jacqueline.
Ugly? Apparently you’ve not seen her butt. IT LIKE AN ONION!
Sadly, it was Hervina that got his butt kicked, as Jacqueline speared him and regained the gold in the finest battle of the sexes since the hey day of Billie Jean King.
She then stripped Hervina of his trousers…
…which caused him to retreat to the back, never to be heard of again.
And that was pretty much that. I don’t believe Whippleman has been seen on WWE television in any capacity since his run as Women’s champion, and if he has, well, please don’t bother writing me about it, as I just don’t care.
One thing, though, I do care about. Why was he HERVina? Shouldn’t he have been HARVina?
These are the things that keep me up at night.
Announcer: “The World Wrestling Federation Women’s Champion, HERVINA!”
Michael Cole: “Hervina, congratulations on being the new WWF Women’s Champion. Tell us about yourself, where are you from, what do you do?”
Hervina: “I’m from Wallis, Mississippi.”
Cole: “Wait a minute, wait a minute – you’re not Hervina, I know your voice! You’re Harvey Whippleman!”
Hervina: “That’s right, I’m Harvey Whippleman, a legend here in the World Wrestling Federation, and now I am the World Wrestling Federation champion!”
Cole (doing the stupidest fake laugh ever): “Wait a minute, Harvey, you’re a man! You’ll have to tell all your buddies in Walls, Mississippi you’re the WOMEN’s champion. Ha ha ha.”
Hervina: “You think that’s funny?”
Cole (continuing to laugh): “Yes, I think it’s funny, I think it’s hilarious!”
Harvey Whippleman: “I’m Harvey Whippleman, the World Wrestling Federation Ladies Champion! The reason I’m the Woman’s champion, there’s not a woman in the World Wrestling Federation that can beat me, there’s not a woman in the world that can beat me, because I’m all man. I’m fixin’ to show the world what a man can do….UGLY!”
Jackie: “My best asset? I would have to say my butt. I have such a small, round butt. IT LIKE AN ONION!”