It’s amazing to see that after so many years away, CM Punk is back in WWE. Not just that, but he’s back where he left, always featured near the top of the card. For years it seemed as though he had vanished and would never reappear, but truth is stranger than fiction. And SPEAKING OF truth being stranger than fiction, would you believe it if I told you Punk also once appeared on Saturday Night’s Main Event? What if I told you it was as a competitor for ECW? While you might nod and smile and say, “that all seems to check out”, trust me, you can’t possibly believe who else was involved in this here bout.
And I’m not talking about John Morrison…or TV or Blade or Elite or Fusion or Hardy or Mundo or Nitro or TV or Superstar or whatever other surname he may have sported at some point in his career. Maybe we could throw him $10 and he would do a one-off as Johnny WrestleCrap. So yeah, this is a set up for these two men as they are heading to a SummerSlam showdown. That being the case, of course THIS match couldn’t be just a one on one encounter and rest assured, it’s anything but. No no, see it’s a tag team bout instead. Naturally, you’d ponder who might Punk get from his past to help him against a hated rival. Jamie Noble? Maybe Colt Cabana? Samoa Joe? No no no – why would he want any of those guys when he could have…
THE BOOGEYMAN???!!!!
Yes kids, this was his partner on this historic, Saturday Night’s Main Event evening. No doubt Punk had watched those legendary SNME’s back in the day, dreaming he too would get an opportunity to battle to the sweet sounds of Animotion’s “Obesession” with one of the worst wrestlers you ever did see as partner, a guy whose best moves were violently gyrating and eating worms. Heck, by comparison Morrison’s partner was a dream…
…and I gotta believe that this would be the only time in history that the word “dream” and “Big Daddy V” would be used in the same sentence.
The match starts and we get Punk and Morrison doing some nice work together. I know Punk is by far the bigger star, but I always thought Morrison was a much better athlete and just a more interesting guy to watch in the ring. Despite that, one is one of the biggest stars in the world and the other is lucky to get a one-off on Rampage. That all said, this was a nice exchange.
The two continue and it’s…you know, it’s good. It’s fine. But all I can think is, ok, great, these two guys are feuding and this is a decent match but..but…you have Boogeyman and Big Daddy V just waiting to get in. Two trains waiting to collide in a manner that would make Gomez Addams proud. Seriously, we get to have Punk. vs. Viscera! Or Morrison v. Boogey! Look closely and you’ll see Boogeyman, hand out, begging for a tag. I mean sure, Big Daddy V is just standing on the apron looking constipated, but at least Boogeyman is out there being a trooper!
And then YES! Boogey gets his chance to shine! Why just look at hime – he comes in the ring and bends over so Morrison can come running at him to use him as a pommelhorse and lauch himself high into the air!
Have I mentioned that Morrison is a really good athlete? He’s making BOOGEYMAN LOOK CREDIBLE! So much so in fact that Boogey heads over to get himself some worms to celebrate. Go Boogey Go!
Sadly this doesn’t last as Big Vis gets in the ring and the match slows to a glacial pace with punches and clubbering and body slams. The fact the ring is now covered in worm guts adds less than you’d expect as well.
A Samoan drop comes next, with V shoving Boogey into the corner so he can gather a head of…well, lukewarm water and come in for a splash. Boogey however sees it coming and moves out of the way. No doubt he was diligently studying footage of his opponent meticulously in the weeks leading up to this match and was thusly prepared. This…THIS is the opening we need, as Boogey can now head to the corner and tag in Punk for that matchup with Vis we have all dreamed of. And he does! But…
…sadly Morrison tags himself in and we get more of this instead. Confession time: I love that spinning body slam. Out with the airplane spin, in with the AIRPLANE SLAM I always say! Now get Viscera back in so we can see you do it to him!
And again, this isn’t bad…but just imagine the greatness we’re going to get when it’s Punk vs. Vis. That’s what the people came here to see so give it to us!
Impossible to believe but true – they edited out the VERY loud “Give us VIS!” chants that echoed throughout the arena. Watch the crowd closely though and you’ll see the fans lips moving to give it away. Or at least you could if it weren’t for the horrible herky jerk filming taking place here. But it will all be worth it…it will all be worth it when…
…Punk pins Morrison with a SMALL PACKAGE???!!!! What on earth was THAT??!!!! You teased us with Punk vs. MABEL and we didn’t get even a sniff of it? A whiff of what would have been guaranteed, delightful, grade-A prime WrestleCrap? Up yours, Vince – up yours!