Like many of you, my holiday season isn’t complete without at least one viewing of A Christmas Story. I mean, with the goofy 24 hour showings, how can you NOT watch it? It’s almost like TBS is seeing if you can watch it in various chunks, kinda like a puzzle, then you put it together in your brain. And honestly, I’ve often wondered if I had nowhere to go, if I had nothing to do that day, I’ve wondered if I could just sit and watch it over and over again. In many ways, it is not only the ultimate Christmas movie, it is one off the best movies ever. Period. The characters are wonderful, the plot is great, and the comedy contained therein is just fantastic.So when I heard that there was going to be a sequel this year, I immediately thought, “Hmm, that sure sounds like a bad idea.” And when I saw the trailer, I learned it wasn’t just a bad idea, it was the worst idea in the history of man.
But it was only the worst idea in the history of man for about 2 days. Because after that, word got out to you, my Fellow Crappers, who decided that I, RD Reynolds, should review it this year for Christmas.
YOU told me I had to do induct A Christmas Story 2.
This meant I had to watch it, study it, do screen grabs, and then write a pretty in-depth analysis of it.
I’ve never said this before, and I likely will never say it again…and it’s absolutely not in the spirit of the season…but I need to say it.
I absolutely hate each and every one of you.
So the movie opens the same as the original – with a shot of the house.
And it kinda looks like the same house.
If that house was cut in half and built in 2009.
Seriously, the siding on it looks nicer than the siding at the Reynolds ranch (which was built like 11 years ago).
So yeah, it looked kinda something like the original.
And that’s a theme throughout the movie – stuff is sorta the same.
Only now it’s been stripped of all its humanity and character.
Probably a lot like the bloodsuckers who decided this movie needed to be made.
This is Ralphie.
No really, it is.
He is now 15 years old.
Note I said 15 years old, not oldER.
I understand your confusion: when I first saw him I was like, “So this is the story of a 23 year old Ralphie? That’s weird.”
Next we meet Randy, who appears to be 3 years older.
The mother, on the other hand, appears to be somehow YOUNGER than she was before.
I’d seriously rant and rave about these bizarre time space continuum issues, but that would take away time to discuss the worst part of this film…
THE OLD MAN.
Who they have completely butchered beyond belief.
It’s like they went up to the actor (Daniel Stern) and asked him if he had ever seen the original.
He said no.
They told him, “Well, he says ‘It’s a clinker!’ in it. Can you do the same?”
Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often).
Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!