Roach Branch, FL – All Elite Wrestling stable The Dark Order revealed their new tour bus in a ribbon-cutting ceremony earlier today.
Gathered behind a Casey’s General Store, The Dark Order unveiled their previously owned 1972 Winnebago. The dust-covered recreational vehicle has over 400,000 miles, squeaky brakes, and a leaking radiator. Many questioned while the stable purchased such a vehicle.
“Well, we saw The Nightmare Express and thought we should have something similar,” said Dark Order consigliere Evil Uno. “It’s really difficult to cram everyone into Mama Uno’s Astro Wagon so we decided to get something for ourselves. Obviously, we don’t have Nightmare Family money, but we managed to pool our money together and get this sweet baby right here.”
Evil Uno slapped the bumper, causing it to fall to the ground.
Several members of the group shared their excitement for the new vehicle.
“It’s old, it smells, and we all have to cram together when it’s time for bed. It’s perfect,” said Anna Jay.
“It has a hot plate!” said Josh Silver excitedly.
“And an 8-track player!” added Stu Grayson.
“There’s a hole in the floor in case you have to potty!” said Colt Cabana. “What convenience!”
Dark Order leader Negative One stood on the roof of the RV and laughed maniacally.
“The Dark Order is now free to travel the world, spreading our evil like cruel frosting on a Toaster Strudel made of violence!” cackled Negative One. “As long as my mom says it’s okay, nothing can stop us now!”