Headlies: Young Bucks, Lucha Brothers Match Changes Earth’s Rotation

0 Submitted by on Mon, 06 September 2021, 08:00

Hoffman Estates, IL – AEW’s tag team title match at All Out between the Young Bucks and Lucha Brothers was so action packed that it literally changed the world.

Scientists have determined that the fast pace of the match, combined with the excessive amounts of flips and twists, actually caused Earth’s rotation to change.

The energetic tag team cage match at last night’s All Out received praise from wrestling fans and abject horror from the science community.

“This is an incredible phenomenon,” said NASA scientist Deon Foucault. “The combination of spinning, twisting, whirling, and twirling by all four participants shifted how our planet turns. All the somersaults, moonsaults, shooting star presses, sentons, corkscrews, and other maneuvers threw Earth out of alignment. The sudden change has thrown our world into chaos. Floods, fires, earthquakes, another Logan Paul boxing match. It’s total anarchy! Run for your lives!”

Fans seemed unphased by the death and destruction surrounding them.

“A sink hole opened up in the parking lot and I lost my car, but did you see that Meltzer driver off the cage?” said one live attendee. “Can anyone give me a ride home? I mean, if it’s still there. If not, I’ll need a place to crash.”

“I thought the Bucks wearing ugly clothes was real heel stuff. Destroying countless live with a killer move set takes the cake,” said journalist Sean Sapp before heading to higher ground.

“Yeah, life as we know it may be coming to an end, but the height Penta got to finish the match was worth it,” said AEW CEO Tony Khan from the safety of a doomsday bunker.

Before California broke off from the rest of the United States, Wrestling Observer’s Dave Meltzer, praised the match. As the large state floated aimlessly in the Pacific Ocean, he said, “7 ¾ stars. It would have gotten 8 if the Tokyo Dome didn’t burn down.”

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.

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