Headlies: WWE Creative Has Lots Of Ideas For Karrion Kross

3 Submitted by on Mon, 30 August 2021, 08:00

Boston, MA – WWE CEO Vince McMahon has revealed the Creative has lots of ideas for their latest call-up, Karrion Kross.

Since being called up to the main roster, Kross has been without his valet Scarlett and lost to Jeff Hardy, Last week, Kross began wearing a mask and warrior outfit, drawing comparisons to The Sultan and Farooq Asaad. According to McMahon during a meeting with Creative, this is all part of the plan.

“There’s money to be made with Kross, but we need to make it happen. Think of all the money we’d be leaving on the table if he was just some guy. He needs a look, a persona. Something with style and panache. What else can we do this week?”

“Ohh, how about a pitchfork?” suggested Senior Vice President Bruce Prichard. “Classic, highly recognizable, and easily marketable.”

“I love it! Stephanie, what have you got?” asked McMahon.

“I feel we should Rasta-fy him by 10% or so,” said Chief Branding Officer Stephanie McMahon. “Also, Edge coming back as part of The Brood got people talking. Maybe we can do something with blood.”

“Spooky stuff,” said McMahon. “Something like ‘Karrion Kross figure with real blood-spitting action!’ We can work with that. Raw head writer Jonathan whatever your name is, go!”

“We’re not really connecting with Alexa Bliss and Lilly,” said Jonathan Baeckstrom. “Maybe Kross needs a little buddy as well. Maybe a black cat? Fall is around the corner, maybe we can do something with pumpkins.”

“Tons we can do with that!” exclaimed McMahon. “There’s going to be another wall on your cubicle when you go back to your desk. We need to also focus on the female demographic. As a 76-year-old man, I think I know a little something about that. Give him a tutu.”

When the meeting adjourned, an intern was given $50 and sent to pick up supplies from a newly-opened Spirit Halloween store.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
3 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Creative Has Lots Of Ideas For Karrion Kross"
  1. Jerry says:

    To be fair, after years of wrestlers, whose personality was nothing but “I have made my way through the Indies and I am so happy to be a part of WWE now”, I am starving for anything that resembles a real gimmick. If I was Kross, and I’d be given the choice to pick either “Gimp” and “Bland Guy Who Smiles”, I would not hesitate to staple raw tofu onto the costume just to make it a bit more memorable.

  2. Barronmore says:

    Just think what they could do with all that stuff Bray Wyatt tried to return several years ago!

  3. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Meanwhile, Vince McMahon has announced creative has nothing for Toni Storm, “I don’t think the fans will buy into a woman who goes out there and wrestles really well. Perhaps, she could be Eva Marie’s new sidekick… Eva will show Storm how it’s done…”

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