Headlies – People Waiting For Annual “Surprise Return Of Sheamus At The Royal Rumble”

19 Submitted by on Fri, 23 January 2015, 08:00


Philadelphia, PA- Dozens of scientists, fans, and bird-watchers have descended on the city of Philadelphia in hopes of seeing WWE Superstar Sheamus return to the ring.

In what has now become an annual tradition, Sheamus is set to be a surprise entrant into the Royal Rumble. Groups of people with binoculars have been camped outside the Wells Fargo Center trying to catch of glimpse of the mayonnaise-hued Celtic Warrior.

“I just know he’s going to be here!” squealed 14 year-old Dawn DiAmonte. “It’s going to be a way better surprise than Randy Orton’s surprise return or when Rob Van Dam makes a surprise return. It’ll be so shocking!”

“Much like the Swallows of Capistrano and the McRib, you can expect to see Sheamus making his yearly return at the Rumble,” said Orinthologist Jacoby Charpentier. “WWE does a very good job of completely forgetting about people when they’re hurt, so many casual fans will be surprised when Sheamus pops up again. It will be like he never left. Again.”

“I hope picking Sheamus counts as double points for my Royal Rumble pool,” said 38 year-old Patrick Reenan.

A brief stir among the crowd was caused by one woman who said she could hear Sheamus’s theme “Written In My Face” being played inside the arena. The crowd was disappointed to learn that what was being played was in fact The Proclaimers’ hit song “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)”.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
19 Responses to "Headlies – People Waiting For Annual “Surprise Return Of Sheamus At The Royal Rumble”"
  1. Andre R. says:

    I dont care if he returns in the Rumble, just that he does return. And as a heel this time. That would be cool.

  2. MJA says:

    I really hope he comes back as a heel. He was a completely believable main-eventer when he was a no-nonsense, tough brawler heel in 2010. And WWE needs main-eventers badly at the moment, especially top heels.

    • Vince B says:

      I’m all for Seth Rollins becoming the champion and the top heel of the company, I think he’s got what it takes.

      • MJA says:

        Rollins absolutely has what it takes. But it’s better to have multiple main-event heels is what I’m saying.

        • Vince B says:

          Oh, definitely! The WWE can’t keep putting good heels in the midcard (Barrett) or having them rarely appear on TV (Lesnar, probably Orton too). We need main-event heels and we kinda need them now.

          • Alexandru says:

            Surprise return at this point is an oxymoron. Just keep Sheamus in the mid card because the mi dcard definitely needs someone with credibility besides Rusev and maybe Ryback

    • Alexandru says:

      WWE needs fresh faces in the main event they tried Sheamus in the main event scene and it flopped he’s better in the mid card. Rollins is a much better fir since he was pushed to the main event spot organically. Also Barrett would be good (assuming he doesn’t get injured yet again)

  3. John Q Occupier says:

    Wrestlecrap uses Proclaimers Reference!

    • raging_demons says:

      If you like that reference you’ll love it when at one time Blade sang his own version of the song dedicated to one Ashley Massaro.

  4. RD Reynolds says:

    Completely believe this to be factual.

  5. Jeremy says:

    What are the odds he’s in the final 3 again?

    • BigPoppaNasty says:

      Sheamus has been in the final 3 each of the past three years. I would say it is a 100% certainty that he will be final 3 again.

      • Thomas Moffatt says:

        A Warlording would work for me – imagine Michael Fucking Cole squealing about how great it is to see him return and then as he steps into the ring BANG he’s straight back out.

  6. Stephen says:

    Not going to lie; if Sheamus changed his theme to “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)”, he’d instantly become my favourite wrestler. People singing along for his entrance would be an amazing spectacle.

    • AdamX says:

      I agree with Stephen.

      Sheamus takes that theme and I will enjoy him once more.


  7. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Haven’t missed him in the slightest since his last appearance – exactly the same as last time around. A great example of a future Future Endeavour.

    With the possibility of Orton returning (reckon he will interfere in the main event and blow Rollins chance to cash in MITB) there is the awful threat there could be the reformation of The Borebarian and the Snorelord AKA The Powers of Plain…

  8. BaltoJim says:

    Sheamus – the Pumpkin Spice Latte of professional wrestling!

  9. Nick Nutter says:

    It’s actually shocking this DIDN’T happen. Thought it was a given.

  10. #OPC says:

    What a weird fact about Sheamus.

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