Headlies: King Woods To Marry Princess Peach In Royal Wedding

5 Submitted by on Mon, 25 October 2021, 08:00

Mushroom Kingdom – Following his coronation on last week’s Smackdown, King Xaxier Woods announced he plans to wed Princess Peach next week.

Woods recently won the King Of The Ring tournament in Saudi Arabia through sheer determination, grit, and a vocal fanbase on Twitter. With a crown atop his head and royal scepter in hand, Woods declared his everlasting love to the Princess.

“Ever since I was a young lad and first laid my eyes upon Princess Peach, I knew she was the one for me,” said King Xavier. “Going through the trials and tribulations to save her only deepened my feelings for her. Every Goomba, every Koopa Troopa made me love Peach more. And I’d like to point out that I didn’t have to use any warp zones to do it!” explained the longtime gamer.

The marriage will join the WWE Universe and the Mushroom Kingdom in matrimony. Fans are already excited at the slate of new matchups with the inclusion of characters such as Boo, Shy Guy, and Birdo. Wrestling Observer’s Dave Meltzer recently reported a potential Brock Lesnar – King Koopa match being pitched for Royal Rumble.

WWE CEO Vince McMahon and King Toadstool are sparing no expense for the wedding.

“We’re going primetime with this,” crowed McMahon. “Every major television station will carry it! It’s the wedding of the century! This will make Uncle Elmer’s wedding look like Teddy Long’s wedding!”

“Everyone is invited!” declared King Toadstool. “Even those nogoodnik Koopa Kids and Kevin Dunn. The Booty-O’s will flow freely at this most joyous occasion!”

Despite the joyous news, not everyone was happy to hear of the wedding. Seething with jealousy, the newly-crowned Queen Zelina Vega has proposed to breakfast cereal legend King Vitamin.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
5 Responses to "Headlies: King Woods To Marry Princess Peach In Royal Wedding"
  1. Guy Incognito says:

    Did this article get cut off a little early?
    “Queen Zelina Vega has proposed to breakfast cereal legend King”
    King who?
    Suckas gots to know!

    • Autrach Sejanoz says:

      It’s showing up fine for me, so just so you know, the article’s referring to none other than King Vitamin, AKA King Pedophile (as RD & Blade [R.I.P.] often called him).

  2. AK says:

    Despite the joyous news, not everyone was happy to hear of the wedding. Seething with jealousy, the newly-crowned Queen Zelina Vega has proposed to Nintendo legend King Hippo.

    Fixed it for you. Also would have accepted King Dedede.

leave a comment