Headlies: WWE Erecting Giant Contraption For Shane McMahon to Leap From

8 Submitted by on Wed, 29 March 2017, 08:00

Orlando, FL – During a walkthrough of Camping World Stadium, the site of Wrestlemania 33, WWE CEO Vince McMahon revealed an enormous structure being created for his son Shane to jump from during his match.

“Pyro is going to go off here and here, the confetti when Roman wins will be shot from cannons posted at the four corners of the stadium, and Undertaker will begin his 45-minute entrance from beneath the ramp,” said McMahon to a group of WWE employees. “Any questions?”

“Dad, I have a question. What’s this giant thing being erected next to the ring?” asked Shane.

“’Erected.” Heh heh. I’ll have to remember that one,” chuckled McMahon.

“Good one, Vince! Tee hee!” giggled television producer Kevin Dunn.

“Seriously, Dad. This thing has to be like 2 miles up,” said Shane.

“Shane, m’boy, that is what you’re going to be jumping off of during your match with AJ Styles!”

“What?!” exclaimed Shane. “That’s insane! There’s absolutely no way I’m going to do that. It can’t be safe. They’re still building it. Wait…are they welding pieces of furniture to it?”

“We ran a little over budget, so we’re making due. It’ll hold. Besides, I want them to see this thing from outer space!” dismissed McMahon.

“Is the base made out of Legos?!” screamed Shane.

“It’s a corporate tie-in. It’s all about synergy and marketing and shifting the paradigm and other phrases I don’t quite understand,” explained McMahon.

“People are going to think Finn Balor will be involved. Totally not going to happen. Nice swerve, boss!” said Dunn.

“Shane, you’re the product of my seed. The fruit of my loins. The McNugget to my chicken finger. I know you’ll do the right thing and recklessly throw your body towards the cold, hard ground for the mild entertainment of thousands of people.”

“No,” said Shane bluntly.

“Fine. To prove to you it’s safe, we’ll have someone go up there right now. Kevin, get climbing,” instructed McMahon.

“B-B-But I’m scared of heights, Vince!” stammered Dunn.

“Do it and I’ll hug you in public,” declared McMahon

Before he finished his words, Dunn scrambled up the incredibly tall structure.

Dunn climbed about three feet in the air before urinating himself and falling to the ground. He is listed as “questionable” for Wrestlemania.

PWTorch.com is currently reporting that Finn Balor will definitely be appearing during the Shane McMahon/AJ Styles match.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
8 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Erecting Giant Contraption For Shane McMahon to Leap From"
  1. Mitch Colburn says:


  2. Brian Jacobs says:

    All I could picture for sound in my head reading this is the giant statue of Bender from Futurama chanting “WORSHIP ME” between pyro shots. Now if the test ending can come true, totally worth it.

  3. John C says:

    In the ultimate swerve The Mean Street Posse return but they push Shane off the 895 foot tower of doom which results in only a two count by the ref after A.J. covers him. Following ten Styles’ Clashes onto steel chairs and 13 Phenomenal Forearms off the “Titanic” structure A.J. gets the pinfall victory after Pete Gas slaps Shane in the face very lightly. The Posse are named new commissioners of Smackdown Live and then turn on Styles. This culminates in Rodney defeating A.J. in a Loser Leaves WWE Match on a Pre-event show before next year’s Elimination Chamber ppv. Vince then chuckles over how Southern Wrasslers can’t cut it in New York.

  4. Brian Lichner says:

    Why is this a Headlie? It’s almost certainly going to really happen.

  5. CF says:

    Dear Shane McMahon:

    Your father is continually booking you to leap from incredibly high objects.

    There is a Clue hidden in this.


    Captain Obvious

  6. Christopher Haydu says:

    You did read that they’re going to have a roller coaster there, right? (Since there’s one in the logo.) The logo was probably designed around the idea of giving Shane something new to jump off of. Why else would there be a roller coaster in a WrestleMania logo? That makes even less sense than selling t-shirts of a man wrestling a bear for a WrestleMania that featured no bears whatsoever…. But, hey, selling shirts for WrestleMania 33 that say “the Roller Coaster Conflict” would be cool. Might as well promote Shane even more because it’s not like AJ is going to get anything out of winning this match.

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