Headlies: Fan Thrilled To Have Missed Wrestlemania

6 Submitted by on Mon, 12 April 2021, 08:00

Tuscaloosa, AL – Lifetime WWE fan Ronald Van Der Plunk was relieved to wake up Monday morning with the realization that he had completely missed Wrestlemania.

Morning sunlight filled Van Der Plunk’s bedroom with a buttery glow. Birds happily chirped outside of his window as a gentle breeze roused him from his slumber. A warm sense of satisfaction filled his body while a smile spread across his face. He managed to not watch a single, solitary second of WWE’s biggest event of the year.

“It wasn’t easy, especially after the Network moved to Peacock, but I did it,” said Van Der Plunk joyously. “A full year without WWE. I feel like a new man. My relationship with my family is stronger than ever. I’ve lost weight. My mental health has vastly improved. I even think some of my hair is growing back.”

Van Der Plunk’s “Road To Not Watch Wrestlemania” started at the conclusion of last year’s “Showcase Of The Immortals”.

“After last year’s two-night debacle, I finally broke off all contact with WWE,” said Van Der Plunk. “I’m still mad about that Fiend – John Cena mess. I cancelled the WWE Network, deleted the app, sold all my figures, and donated my shirts to the Salvation Army. I don’t know who needs a Y2AJ or ‘We The People’ shirt, but I hope they enjoy them.”

Instead of checking the results online or listening to a recap, Van Der Plunk enjoyed a nice walk with his family. Rather than watching Monday Night Raw, the group have agreed to make dinner together and play a board game after. They smiled, laughed, and enjoyed their time together, free from the icy grip of WWE programming forever.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
6 Responses to "Headlies: Fan Thrilled To Have Missed Wrestlemania"
  1. D says:

    Same because i heard it was not great

  2. Ben says:

    Quite frankly, that’s a realistic viable option for those who are tired of WWE or pro-wrestling in general.

  3. Richard Gadberry says:

    He’ll be back by Summerslam.

  4. Mr. BOING says:

    I have been WWE free since 2015

    You take it each day and bad gimmick at a time

  5. patrick says:

    I’m a lazy, lazy man. it seemed like a lot of work to cancel the WWE network.
    But then, all the sudden, it was done for me. Like magic.

    Can’t remember the last time I watched a PPV on the network, and thought “man, that was time well spent.”

    I’ve become one of the millions who don’t watch, but will probably continue to listen to wrestling podcasts, and check results.

  6. John C says:

    However upon hearing Baron Corbin was not on the show he raced to the Cock immediately but was not completely satisfied.

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