It’s always fun going back through these old WWF mags and finding things you don’t remember. For instance, I had no recollection I lived in a world where Jack Tunney and Vince Russo somehow shared a timeline where they co-existed.
But yeah, apparently this happened. In fact, it was documented back in 1993 when Jack Tunney fined Vic Venom (aka, Russo’s pen name during his time on the magazine staff)! Now if you’re like me, you just glanced at that headline and thought for sure it read that Tunney FIRED Venom, which would also be a strange multiverse. Regardless, it was time for him to pony up SEVEN FIGURES for his sins, namely the fact that he referred to the WWF president as, and I am just quoting here, Jack TUBBEY. Good thing he got that deal with WCW, otherwise he may still be residing in debtor’s prison.
Elsewhere in this same article, we learn that Kevin Nash was hanging out with former US president GERALD FORD! And why was that? Because “Gerald Ford was one of Big Daddy Cool’s favorite presidents!” Someone needs to hit up Sean Oliver and get him to ask Nash why this was the case. Sorry, I don’t really buy it’s simply because his last name was Ford. Also, mad props for the little trivia question about which WWF Superstar appears in TMNT 2: Secret of the Ooze! I mean, it probably would have been a good idea to put the answer some place other than directly underneath but whatever.
Let’s see, what else? Apparently Bret Hart went to Toronto. Nice to see he’s traveling his own country. Here he shows up at the Sports Celebrity Festival in a tuxedo, which is out of the norm for him since he prefers to wear sweatshirts. “He looks dapper,” the article tells us, “and we’re sure some of our female readers undoubtedly want to offer different adjectives to describe the Hit Man.” I often question if even a single woman reads any article I write, so here’s your challenge – if you are a woman reading this, drop an adjective for Bret Hart in the comments below. If not, consider my suspicions to be confirmed!
A full page (!!!) is dedicated to Kama, the Supreme Fighting Machine next! Tougher than Mike Tyson, quicker than Steven Seagal, and knows more about martial arts than Brandon Lee! Gotta love the illustration, that looks exactly like something you’d see out of some ghetto Street Fighter II ripoff. I’m thinking Violence Fight. In fact, I could see his victory screen have him channeling Gorilla Monsoon with “Stick a fork in him, he’s done!” since it’s right there on the same page with him!
We also get information on the WWF going south of the border, as “little by little, the World Wrestling Federation is uniting the world!” Fascinating to learn that world peace hinges on professional wrestling. Who knew?
We wrap up with random appearances by wrestlers around the country. For instance, Adam Bomb was at a mall, and Bam Bam Bigelow and Fredy Blassie visited an old folks’ home. Also, King Kong Bundy was pinning parents when he was three years old. Sorry if this whole article seems a bit random, I’m just trying to mimic this article. Seriously, what on earth did I just read?! I’d apologize for sharing it, but if I had to suffer, you should too!