WWF Raw – July 27th, 1998 – Arrowhead Pond – Anaheim, CA
Tonight’s WWF Raw opens with Michael Cole narrating a recap (via stills) of last night’s Fully Loaded pay-per-view, listing off a bunch of Latinate words ending in “-tion”. The show had anticipation, titillation (can they say that on TV?), annihilation, and damn-Nation (not a typo, but a expression of chagrin for The Rock’s faction). The Undertaker ended the show with the revelation that he wasn’t in cahoots with Kane, tombstoning his brother and winning the tag team titles for himself and Steve Austin.
Too much smug and not enough snide! It’s time for WWF Raw is War!
Jim Ross announces tonight’s needlessly complicated feature match is X-Pac vs. Triple H vs. The Rock in a Triple Threat for the Intercontinental title. Plus, Jerry Lawler will present a trophy to Sable, winner of last night’s bikini contest.
But first, The Undertaker is here with new theme music (which debuted last night) and both tag team belts. It’s like this one, but with without the choir or horns. Taker demands an apology from Steve Austin for thinking he’d been colluding with Kane.
Vince McMahon takes exception, though, marching to the ring with Slaughter, Patterson, and Brisco. Vince says Taker’s tombstone to Kane was a ruse to make it look like there was no conspiracy. After all, he had to tombstone Kane three times to beat him at WrestleMania, but only one at Fully Loaded.
McMahon sets up a match between the new tag team champions and the New Age Outlaws (which the Outlaws had demanded last night of Kane and Mankind). He also wants an apology from The Undertaker due to Taker’s recent chokeslam and Vince’s subsequent neck injury, And McMahon wasn’t even due to appear in court this time!
However, Austin (debuting the custom Smoking Skull Belt) interrupts before Taker can say he’s sorry (which I somehow doubt he was going to say anyway). McMahon walks off before things can get out of hand, and Austin apologizes to Taker with a middle finger.
European champion D’Lo Brown (called simply “D’Lo” on the chyron) comes to the ring for a non-title match (Last night’s unadvertised match vs. X-Pac was also non-title until Brown won and retroactively put the title on the line). Brown brags about Euro Disney naming two new rides after him: the Sky High and the Lo Down. His opponent is Vader, who lost to Mark Henry in another unadvertised match. Jim Ross will tell us why the European title is not on the line… after the commercial break. Ooh, cliffhanger!
Triple H, who knows how to take care of business, is on an exclusive poster for people who buy Stri-Dex (which knows how to take care of sensitive skin).
When WWF Raw returns, Jim Ross has the scoop: This match is non-title because D’Lo’s legal advisors recommended against it. Truly earth-shaking stuff! D’Lo scoop-slams Vader—twice—with minimal effort, then moonsaults him for a two-count. Vader responds by stripping off D’Lo’s chest protector, and for once, Jerry Lawler doesn’t squeal about bra and panties. Vader splashes D’Lo on the floor and wins by countout, his biggest victory in six months.
When WWF Raw returns, it’s the second round of the Brawl For All. Bart Gunn will take on Dr. Death Steve Williams, who debuted unannounced last week.
Also in the Brawl For All tournament is Droz, who is profiled in a segment called, “Droz’s World”, where he shows off his home, snakes, guns, tongue, and puke bucket.
When WWF Raw returns, it’s time for the Brawl For All. Dr. Death, who scored an impressive victory over a guy with one functioning eyeball, faces Bart Gunn, who beat his own tag partner on points. Williams scores a takedown in the first few seconds, which referee Jack Dohn announces as worth five points (rather than making the commentators speculate on whether it counted and what the score might be). The boos start about 30 seconds in as the two men exchange punches.
In round two, Dr. Death keeps leaning forward and throwing punches blindly. Bart Gunn, however, scores a takedown that nearly sends Williams out of the ring. Nonetheless, the unofficial score (because the judges won’t say who landed the most punches) has Doc up 15-5.
It’s now time for the third and final round, which Jim Ross astutely predicts will conclude the fight and determine the winner. Fans chant “Boring” after a failed takedown by Williams, followed by one failed and one successful takedown by Gunn. Dr. Death limps when he returns to his feet, then gets punched repeatedly in the face while flailing wildly.
One final left hook by Bart knocks Doc on his butt with ten seconds remaining, scoring the first knockout of the tournament. Cameras focus on a glassy-eyed Steve Williams, mouthguard hanging out of his mouth. The knockout plays repeatedly as Jerry Lawler says he’s just made Dr. Death mad, and Jim Ross assures us he will be back (next March) (for three matches).
Owen Hart interrupts Bart Gunn’s celebration, walking to the ring with a mic in hand as his music plays.
When WWF Raw returns, Hart brags about beating Ken Shamrock and not being a nugget. Therefore, he challenges anyone to take him on right now. After a few seconds of silence, Owen declares victory, only to be interrupted by his own theme music. Out walks Jason Sensation in full Owen get-up. Jason says they should stand nose to nose (meaning “miles apart”, he clarifies), then starts a “Nugget” chant. Owen walks up the ramp after Jason but gets cut off by Dan Severn.
The Beast steps into the ring and takes his jacket off, but while his back is turned, Owen kicks him in the groin. Hart then chokes him with his tie and puts him the Sharpshooter, which Severn promptly escapes. Ken Shamrock, who was supposed to be home with a concussion after Owen hit him with a dumbbell, runs in and chokes Hart out. This causes a DQ, which Dan apparently resents, leading the Beast to choke out Shamrock. Referees and Steve Blackman have to pull Severn away, then separate the tow when they get to their feet.
Backstage when WWF Raw returns, Michael Cole wishes to get a word with Shamrock, who yells at him so hard, he knocks over the set.
Faarooq and Scorpio, the World’s Blackest Tag Team, come to the ring and stand their while Bradshaw rants against Terry Funk at the announce desk. Last night, right before yet another unadvertised match, Funk announced he’d be taking six months off, setting partner Bradshaw off. After their loss to WBTT, Bradshaw brutalized Funk.
The Disciples of Apocalypse come to the ring next, where one of the bald guys counters Faarooq’s patented splash to the knees by… putting his knees up. While the two bikers brawl with Faarooq on the outside, Scorpio dives off the top rope onto them. Bradshaw then flips out on Jerry Lawler for no reason, then brawls with everyone else, including future tag partner Faarooq, to cause a double-DQ. He even gets in a shoving match with Commissioner Slaughter.
Backstage, The Rock addresses both his opponents for tonight, saying that “going two-on-one with The Rock will make you famous”. He said something to that effect last night, too, in home video-exclusive comments. Before The Undertaker or even Billy Gunn, it seems the Rock was making people famous.
WWF Raw returns with this week’s Stri-Dex Triple Action. In this case, the triple action is Chyna’s forearm to D’Lo, low blow to the Rock, and DDT to The Rock, all from last night’s IC title match.
Triple H and X-Pac come to the ring together, along with “DX member and the Ninth Wonder of the World Chyna” (according to ring announcer Tony Chimel). Birthday boy Helmsley does his Michael Buffer shtick before The Rock (whose music begins with the most apathetic “Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?” ever recorded) comes down.
Both DX members double-team the Rock as Jerry Lawler wonders why all three men are allowed in the ring. Jim Ross responds by saying it’s Triple Threat rules and wondering where Jerry Lawler has been for the past decade. Yeah, how could he forget that Hogan vs. Savage vs. André match from 1988?
Triple H hits The Rock with the Pedigree, leading X-Pac to pull Hunter off (the champion). Triple H responds in kind, leading to an argument between friends. Helmsley gets knocked off the apron and into the announce table, leaving The Rock in the ring with X-Pac. Rocky discards his elbow pad for the People’s Elbow, which X-Pac kicks out of because it’s just a stupid elbow drop.
The announcers sneak in a plug for the new Sunday Night Heat show premiering this weekend (Sunday, to be precise). Jim Ross says, “You can’t watch ‘em all if you don’t watch the first one”, vastly overestimating the number of Sunday Night Heat completionists there would be.
Triple H re-enters the match and scores a two count on the champion. X-Pac then hits Rocky with the facebuster to be named the X Factor, but Hunter breaks up the subsequent pin and clotheslines his friend following another argument. As X-Pac and Triple H slug it out, The Rock takes his title and walks away. Hunter kicks out of a pin, after which the referee counts out The Rock, who simply leaves. Triple Threat matches have never had count-outs and never would again, but sure, whatever. Rock retains.
A commercial airs for the Fully Loaded encore presentation; in it, bikini contest footage features “censored” bars covering up both Sable and Jacqueline, despite the fact that Sable was covered up with hand prints, and Jackie’s nipples were covered 90% of the time.
WWF Raw comes back from commercial with Cole in the locker room, speaking to the New Age Outlaws. The former tag champs aren’t concerned about a rift in DX because “money is thicker than water”.
Brakus, who debuted three weeks ago by losing a real fight, now has a fake one. Adorned with a see-through chain-mail bikini top that would make Jerry Lawler blush, Brakus looks to avenge his loss to Savio Vega by taking down his much smaller lackey. The announcers call Brakus the “German Superman” (without considering the implications) and gloss over his ass-kicking to Savio. Brakus makes quick work of Jesús, pinning him just as the “Steroids!” chants start to gain momentum. The German bodybuilder thus caps off his WWF career with his first-ever televised victory.
Val Venis, who has a match when WWF Raw returns, hangs out in the shower with Mrs. Yamaguchi, who i remind you may be a high school junior.
Venis tells Anaheim that the best ride in town isn’t at Disneyland, but in his pants. He takes on Brian Christopher, but before the match begins, Kaientai come out on stage with a katana and giant sausages. A distracted Venis nonetheless fends off both members of Too Much and pins Too Sexy with the fisherman’s suplex. Taka Michinoku then saves Venis from a post-match double-team.
Next, Yamaguchi-san gets on the mic, challenges Venis (and presumably Taka) to a match with Kaientai next week, and cuts a salami in half. “I choppy-choppy your pee-pee”, laughs Yamaguchi.
Michael Cole speaks with LOD after the commercial break. An inebriated Hawk drops his helmet, but Animal carries on, vowing to “kick some butt” against the Godfather and Mark Henry. Jeez, if they’re still keeping Hawk on TV, you’ve got to wonder how bad Sunny was that the WWF fired her last week.
Mark Henry leads his team down the aisle, but all eyes are on The Godfather, or more precisely, his three female escorts. “What a good day for a pimp,” remarks the Godfather. “Pimps up, hoes down”, he continues, echoing what Billy Gunn had said to parody him.
LOD 2000 then walk to the ring; well, Animal walks. Hawk shambles. Next, he trips over the ropes, losing his helmet like the Shockmaster. “Hawk doesn’t look to be himself here”, notes Jim Ross. On the other hand, he says, the Godfather has a “newfound confidence”. After a camera shot of Hawk dozing off, Ross tries to cover for him, saying the Road Warrior had received some disturbing personal news that day; Jerry Lawler takes a while to catch on. King also says that he wishes the bikini awards ceremony was happening now instead of this match—and he’s not even horny!
Hawk tries to jump into the ring but falls off the top rope, allowing the Godfather to beat Animal with a Death Valley Driver. Ross speculates that Hawk, who never tagged into the match, has some kind of virus (on top of his bad personal news); Jerry thinks he could be under the influence of “some kind of debilitating something”.
Up next, Sable, who promises to wear a “new Raw bikini”, will accept her bikini trophy.
After WWF Raw comes back from break, Marc Mero and Jacqueline come to the ring. Meanwhile, Jim Ross recaps the contest while censored stills pop up on screen. The encore presentation, Jim adds, will be uncensored. Lawler is there to present two trophies, including a tiny consolation prize, but he is interrupted by the time keeper. According to a note from Vince McMahon, “body paint does not constitute a bikini”, and therefore Sable is disqualified. Mero and Jackie jump for joy posing with the trophy, while Sable stands by, disappointed but not surprised. She just wishes Vince would have been “man enough” to tell her in person.
“Man enough?” asks McMahon, marching to the ring. The boss kicks Jerry out of the ring, then calls Sable an ingrate. Just then, a fan throws some trash into the ring, hitting McMahon in the back and garnering a big pop; Vince warns the crowd that the next time, the trash would probably hit Sable. During his diatribe, which includes the word, “notwithstanding”, Vince says Sable is replaceable by “any number of bimbos and airheads”. Sable owes him, says Vince while playing with her hair, then warns her not to become “an ungrateful bitch”.
“Gosh,” says Jim Ross. “Gosh!” Sable then flips McMahon off behind his back and takes off her shirt, revealing a bikini. A Raw bikini, perhaps.
Now it’s Jerry Lawer’s turn to say, “Gosh!“ ”Gluteus to the maximus!” he adds before the break.
With no more commercials remaining on WWF Raw, the Outlaws do their schtick on the stick. Then comes The Undertaker (who chucks both tag belts into the ring), followed by Austin (sporting the Smoking Skull belt and an elbow pad for his staph-infected arm).
The match opens with Austin, Gunn, and a fan’s beach ball, which Stone Cold kicks into the stratosphere. Fans boo Billy when he flexes his muscles at Austin, then cheer when Steve does his own pose (culminating in a double middle-finger). Gunn feigns retreat, leading Austin to follow after him and get ambushed by Road Dogg.
Taker tags in to face Road Dogg, even executing the rope walk he’d call “Old School” just two years later. But Billy Gunn chop-blocks Taker before two more foes appear: beach balls. Fans with their backs to the hard cam hit the balls around while Ross notes their “festive mood”.
Road Dogg and Taker trade their signature punches before the Dogg does his own chop block to Taker. Gunn then tags in and draws the ref’s attention from Road Dogg smashing Taker’s knee into the post. Road Dogg tags in again, chokes Undertaker on the second rope, then gives him instructions loud enough for viewers to hear but not clear enough to understand. Road Dogg tries to crash onto Taker but crotches himself, leading to a hot tag to Austin. Stone Cold hits Road Dogg with a stunner and pins him to retain the titles. Undertaker then chokeslams Billy Gunn as Jim Ross questions Gunn’s parentage.
Austin grabs some Steveweisers and tosses one to the Dead Man, but while Taker drinks it, Kane and Mankind sneak-attack his partner. WWF Raw goes off the air amid the chaos.