WWF Raw – July 20th, 1998 – Broome County Arena – Binghamton, NY
Too much Todd, and not enough Skyler! It’s time for WWF Raw, coming to us taped from Binghamton, NY—and the only way you’d know the host city was by reading one of the signs featured briefly on camera.
Vince McMahon is here to make a major announcement (or, as Jim Ross hyped it during a pre-show clip, an “earth-shattering” announcement). But first, he has to recap the events of the past two weeks that suggest Undertaker and Kane are in kahoots. Cameras cut away to various signs in the crowd every time the WWF Raw production team has to edit McMahon’s speech.
The Undertaker then comes to the ring, making the lights go up without any fireballs blowing up in his face like last week. McMahon tells Taker that, by telling him to go to hell last week, he hurt the boss’s feelings. Vince wants to know, one more time, whether Undertaker and Kane are working together, but the Dead Man won’t answer. Therefore, Vince is going to teach Taker a lesson by putting him in a handicap match against Kane and Mankind. This is the major, earth-shattering announcement.
McMahon then tells Undertaker to go to hell, leading Taker to chokeslam the boss. Patterson, Brisco, and Slaughter all rush into the ring, each getting laid out (in the latter two cases, chokeslammed). They all recover surprisingly quickly (thanks to another cutaway edit) and help Vince out of the ring, but Patterson drops him on the way down the steps, leading to a scuffle with Gerald Brisco.
Backstage, the Nation discuss who should be Triple H’s opponent tonight, as one member will challenge for the European title.
The champion comes to the ring with a water bottle, which he jiggles phallically in front of his crotch. Triple H addresses the thousands in attendance, the millions watching at home, and a “fat ring announcer in a black hat” (referring to Jim Ross, who is a commentator, not a ring announcer). He then requests that all these people prepare to suck it before WWF Raw goes to commercial.
Tonight’s WWF Raw is sponsored by WWF WarZone for PlayStation. The game features 16 Superstars, many of whom still wrestle for the WWF at the time of release.
After the break, by which time everyone should be good and ready to suck it, The Rock comes to the ring with D’Lo Brown, who will challenge Triple H. Jim Ross points out that The Rock shouldn’t be permitted at ringside because, unlike Chyna, he has no manager’s license, but the referee allows it. He also speculates that D’Lo is exploiting his chest protector for an added advantage.
Triple H controls the match early on, so Brown takes a breather outside the ring while The Rock distracts the ref. D’Lo then exchanges words with Chyna and throws a punch, which Chyna ducks and counters with a forearm. Jim Ross erroneously calls it a right hand, while Jerry Lawler erroneously claims (as always) that D’Lo lost a tooth. Despite this, D’Lo makes a comeback, even taunting Hunter with the DX chop, but it doesn’t last.
However, a combination of factors (The Rock tripping Triple H, Mark Henry distracting the referee and Chyna, Rocky delivering a Rock Bottom) allow D’Lo to get the pin and the European title in the most earth-shattering thing to happen on a night that has already seen one other thing happen. Lawler says D’Lo is celebrating as if he’d won the recent $125M Powerball jackpot or the World Cup.
A commercial airs for Sunday Night Heat, the new WWF show on USA Network. A year earlier, it was the name of USA’s Sunday night lineup.
Backstage, an irate Triple H knocks the WWF Raw is War sign off a fence, vowing that The Rock will lose the Intercontinental title tonight. And if he doesn’t, he’s still scheduled to defend it against Triple H in six days. X-Pac adds, “You ain’t gonna smell what I’m cookin’. You’re not even gonna see it coming, bee-otch!”
The Brawl For All is up next. It’s the debut of Dr. Death Steve Williams, whom Jim Ross quickly introduces on commentary. Williams’s college football coach Barry Switzer continues the praise in pre-recorded comments. His opponent is Quebecer Pierre, who will wrestle with an eyepatch on, though Jim Ross wonders whether it’s see-through—he’s not saying it is, he’s just asking questions!
Dr. Death takes down Pierre in the opening seconds; Pierre fights back with hard punches that could have really done some damage if he could actually see what’s in front of his face. Williams scores a few more takedowns on Pierre, who keeps turning his good eye to Doc. Unofficially, WIlliams is up 35-5 after two rounds.
Round three opens with Williams landing a bunch of blows to the front, side, and back of Pierre’s head as Jim Ross brags(?) that no other wrestling promotion would do something like this. With just five seconds left in the contest, the referee stops the fight for Pierre’s safety (which is about 2:55 too late). Dr. Death thus picks up the victory in his first appearance in the WWF; it might not be a wrestling match, and it might not be sanctioned by any boxing commission (because his opponent is blind in one eye), but Doc is undefeated.
A replay airs of last week’s premiere of “Land of the Rising Venis”, during which time Jim Ross’s mama fainted. She may have also fainted during the replay, but we’re not sure, so it does not count towards tonight’s tally.
At ringside, Yamaguchi-San wears a tie around his forehead like a stereotypical party animal. He yells at his young, young-looking wife, Kyoko and vows to give her P-U-N-I-S-H-M-E-N-T. For a guy who supposedly speaks broken English, he can spell remarkably well.
Yamaguchi orders his wife into the ring as Jerry Lawler explains Japanese culture; over there, wives are supposed to be subservient to their husbands (and not have sex with other men). Mrs. Yamaguchi, who weighs about 100 pounds, opens the ropes as best she can for all of Kaientai. Next, the teen bride has to crawl through her husband’s legs so he can paddle her. Fortunately, Val Venis makes the save before Yamaguchi risks putting viewers on the sex offender registry. Venis confiscates the paddle, cleans house, and carries the girl away.
The Skittles Slam of the Week is The Undertaker’s chokeslam to Vince McMahon earlier on this WWF Raw.
It’s now time for yet another DOA vs. LOD match; Paul Ellering rides with the Disciples, a Wall Street Journal stuck on the front of his bike. Tonight, Skull faces Animal, who arrives, to Ross’s confusion, without Hawk. Sunny’s not there either, but no one mentions it. Animal tries to wave Hawk down the ramp but gets blindsided by the two bald bikers and their bald biker manager. The DOA and Ellering ram Animal into the steps and try to run over his crotch before Hawk finally makes the save (and promptly gets his ass kicked). The match never begins, but the two teams will meet yet again at Fully Loaded.
It’s only six weeks until SummerSlam, now with a decent logo.
Tennessee Lee and Southern Justice accompany Double J to the ring; certain fans question Jarrett’s sexuality. Jeff once again faces Steve Blackman, who turns around before entering the ring. Jarrett demands to be awarded the match by forfeit, but Blackman returns with a similarly shirtless Ken Shamrock and a suit-clad Dan Severn.
Blackman bounces Jarrett around the ring until he misses a diving headbutt. Jim Ross then takes a break from calling the action to make another dig at WCW Bash at the Beach and guarantee fans will enjoy WWF Fully Loaded (if only for Sable’s bare ta-tas). Jeff Jarrett then works Steve Blackman’s leg before the Lethal Weapon lands a pump kick and scores the pin.
Post-match, Owen Hart runs down and throws Shamrock into the steps (which have been busy tonight); Dan Severn, who will referee their match in the Hart family dungeon, walks away like it’s none of his business.
Backstage, Michael Cole tries and fails to get a word with The Undertaker, who walks toward the exit with his bags.
When WWF Raw returns, Steve Austin steps into the ring for an interview with Jim Ross, who has bad breath apparently (but, as this broadcast preceded the invention of smellovision, we can’t know for sure). Austin, who immediately grabs the mic and commandeers the entire interview segment, doesn’t know whether to trust his partner at Fully Loaded, The Undertaker. After all, he just left the arena rather than wrestle his brother. Then again, he might have done it to screw Vince McMahon, who according to Austin deserves to be screwed more than anyone.
“Screwed?” says an incredulous Vince, interrupting the segment. “Screw Vince McMahon? I deserve to be screwed?” The fans say yes, but McMahon says that he’ll do the screwing tonight, not Austin. In other words, Vince is going to make Steve his sub. Substitute for The Undertaker, that is, as Stone Cold will now have to face Kane and Mankind himself. But since Austin has already beaten both men, he refuses. McMahon responds (through a voiceover edit) that if Stone Cold doesn’t wrestle the match tonight, he’ll give his title to The Undertaker. That “doesn’t make a damn” to Stone Cold, but he agrees to fight Kane and Mankind (and McMahon, too, out of whom he threatens to beat the living sh*t).
And if you want to beat the living sh*t out of a baseball, order the new Steve Austin baseball jersey.
When WWF Raw returns, we see a replay of Owen Hart’s assault on Jason Sensation from last week’s WWF Raw (plus HBK calling Bret Hart a mid-carder). Shawn Michaels was disgusted by Owen’s actions, but not enough to get in the ring and stop him.
This week, Owen faces former Nation leader Faarooq, who sports new ring gear—now with more red and triangles. As Owen Hart controls the match, fans chant “You’re a nugget” at the Canadian, who in turn tells those same fans to suck it. Faarooq powers out of a Boston crab, but Owen regains the advantage long enough to grab the mic and refute the nugget allegations. Amazingly, this only leads to louder “Nugget” chants. Faarooq takes advantage of the distraction to crash repeatedly onto Hart’s back (before getting the inevitable knee to the groin). An ill-advised second-rope leg drop attempt, however, leaves Faarooq easy prey to the Sharpshooter. Owen wins but immediately has to run through the crowd when Ken Shamrock chases after him.
Marc Mero and Jacqueline now come to the ring. Jacqueline, who will compete with Sable in what Ross predicts will be “a very physical bikini contest”, calls Sable a fat sow (and a skank). Sable then emerges from backstage, not to award Jacqueline the match by forfeit as requested, but to respond on the mic. Sable, wearing what looks like a picnic blanket, calls Jackie a tramp. “Is that a maternity dress she’s got in?” says Lawler regarding Sable’s questionable wardrobe choice. “It’s a sun dress”, pleads Jim Ross.
Sable defends her body’s sex capabilities before Jacqueline calls her a ho and strips off the dress. Unfazed, Sable dispatches both Jackie and Marc as Jerry Lawler goes nuts. “Hey look! Sable’s in her underwear” says the King. “Brа and pаnties JR! She’s got on black underwear!” He continues. “Look at that, JR! It’s her underwear, it’s her pаnties!” Jim Ross tries in vain to keep the focus on the Fully Loaded pay-per-view, but Jerry Lawler keeps talking over him. “They’d black!” he notes. “Brа and pаnties!” While cameras focus on Sable’s exit, Edge sneaks into the ring and gives Marc Mero the Downward Spiral. Jerry Lawler is so stunned, he immediately starts ranting some more about Sable’s black pаnties.
As WWF Raw goes to break, Jim Ross hypes the rest of the evening’s events, including another Brawl for All fight and Austin’s one-on-two main event. “Pаnties!” says Lawler once more before commercial.
When WWF Raw returns, Lawler enjoys a replay of Sable’s altercation with Jackie and Mero, commenting some more on the color of her attire.
Shawn Michaels makes an entrance to a thunderous ovation, leading Jerry to mention Sable’s underwear again. Shawn even dances on the announce table (which rhymes with Sable, who wears black pаnties) before joining the commentary team. “We got three big ones left”, notes Jim Ross about the rest of the episode. Astonishingly, Lawler does not mention Sable’s two big ones.
Clips air of a Brawl For All match from “earlier tonight” (the one Ross promoted just before the last commercial). This fight saw 8-Ball fight in the ultimate grudge match against a Black guy (in this case, Scorpio). The much shorter Scorpio won on points in a bout so exciting they cut it from the broadcast. This, for the record, was the first of the “three big ones” Jim Ross just promised Shawn Michaels.
The next of the three big ones is an IC title match. In front of the backstage fence (the WWF Raw is War sign having been replaced), The Rock says he’ll retain the Intercontinental title against X-Pac, his opponent tonight. Time for another commercial!
The Rock then comes to the ring with the whole Nation but quickly comes to blows with all of DX (except Chyna, who’s a woman, and Road Dogg, who’s sick). Time for another commercial!
The announcers note that The Rock and Triple H were supposed to wrestle for both titles in a two-out-of-three falls match at Fully Loaded, but now only the IC title is on the line. Plus, Lawler notes, if X-Pac wins there won’t be any titles on the line in Sunday’s match. Don’t everybody order the pay-per-view all at once!
X-Pac is a house of fire against The Rock but ends up getting guillotined on the top rope. Rocky stays on the offensive for several minutes until X-Pac kicks out of the People’s Elbow and hits the X-Factor. Shawn calls it “a variation of the Carpet Muncher”, which goes right over the announcers’ heads (even Lawler’s). In contrast to HBK’s naughty commentary, JR and Jerry start throwing the word “heck” around, remarking that it will be legal as heck for Mankind and Kane to beat the heck out of Austin 2-on-1. “It’s a hell of a match we got here,” says HBK after X-Pac kicks out of a powerslam.
Chyna then stalks the Rock on the outside while holding the Intercontinental belt; Lawler says he can smell what Chyna’s cooking, and Ross says, “there’s a pretty prominent odor coming from her kitchen”. The latter remark is lewder than anything Shawn or Jerry have said all night. Sure enough, Chyna steps onto the apron and nails Rocky in the face with the belt, but X-Pac can secure only a two-count. The Rock then accidentally clotheslines the referee, allowing D’Lo Brown to hop the rail and attempt the Lo Down. Triple H, however, is right behind him and trips him. Hunter hits the Pedigree on the IC champ, and X-Pac makes the cover, but before Time White can count to three, Jimmy Korderas interrupts. The Rock thus wins by disqualification just because of outside interference by two different people.
Another brawl breaks out between the two factions, once again 5-on-3. Actually, more like 4-on-2, as X-Pac is incapacitated, and The Rock is all the way up the entrance ramp with his belt. Though DX ends the night without any titles, they do convince a busty young lady to show her… well, not her titles. Jerry Lawler nearly dies. “It wasn’t brа, it was breаst! It was breаst!” The King continues. “Big breaаsts!”
After an obvious cut, Jim Ross clarifies that the HHH-Rock match at Fully Loaded will be for the Intercontinental title only. I say “obvious cut” because Jerry Lawler, mere seconds after losing his mind, has now regained his composure and looks super-serious, with nary a mention of ladies’ undergarments.
As there are no more commercial breaks in this WWF Raw, it’s now main event time. Austin does his “BMF walk” (JR’s words) and smashes Mankind in the face with his belt before brawling with Kane. But the tag team champs start double-teaming the WWF champion, as there are no tags in this match. Austin temporarily sidelines Mankind while he focuses on Kane, but the tag champs soon take advantage of the numbers game. The Undertaker then walks to the ring with a steel chair and gets in Austin’s corner; Kane, deciding to respect the rules of tag team wrestling, then retreats to his team’s corner. Sure, whatever.
Paul Bearer and Mankind hit Stone Cold with a shoe and a chair, respectively, but fights back by stunning Mankind. Kane tries breaking up the pin but ends up landing on his own partner. Austin then repeatedly kicks Kane in the groin. With both men in Taker’s corner, the Dead Man swings a chair that ends up hitting his brother. The referee calls for the bell, but since Austin has already lost the match, he hits Mankind with the chair anyway. Stone Cold hits Taker with the chair, too, leaving him the last man standing.
