WWF Raw – July 13th, 1998 – Continental Airlines Arena – East Rutherford, NJ
WWF Raw opens with a replay of Kane’s apparent victory last week, after which he unmasked to reveal The Undertaker; the Dead Man was the fifth man to wear black makeup to imitate another wrestler.
Too much Dove and not enough Dial! It’s time for WWF Raw. Tonight’s episode comes from East Rutherford, New Jersey (or New York/New Jersey, as it’s known when hosting WrestleMania).
Shawn Michaels makes his return to a big ovation from the crowd; his months-long absence and D-X’s face turn have turned him babyface. Michaels comes out in a suit jacket, which he inevitably strips off. He also joins the commentary desk, kissing Jerry Lawler along the way. HBK says he had to come back after seeing wrestling fans “brutalized by the competition” the previous night, referring to WCW Bash at the Beach. Regarding his return to the ring, Shawn gives no timetable.
The Undertaker is out next to the ring, where he stands behind the ring post and brings the house lights up with his hands. This time, however, Kane’s pyro goes off inches from his face. Looks like someone’s getting fired.
Vader, whom the WWF has been kind enough to grant a televised entrance, is his opponent. But before the match can begin, Kane comes down with Mankind and Paul Bearer; the former WWF champion summons his trademark pyro, setting three of the four ring posts ablaze (the other blast having been wasted singeing Taker’s eyebrows).
Undertaker takes advantage of the distraction to land the first punches on Vader. Jerry Lawler is sure that Taker and Kane are in kahoots, based on the look they gave each other. How he could see through Kane’s mask, I’m not sure. Shawn Michaels then uses a question about Hell in a Cell to plug the home video release of King of the Ring. After Vader misses a second-rope splash, Taker tombstones him and gets the very long three count to win. Mankind then sneaks up behind the Dead Man with a chair, which Kane intercepts and uses to wallop Vader in the shoulder.
Edge is seen wandering the crowd as WWF Raw goes to commercial.
After the break, Jim Ross reads ad copy for Skittles, a sponsor for Fully Loaded. He fails, however, to note whether they are fruity and delicious. Ross, like Michaels before him, also throws shade on WCW’s Bash at the Beach, stating that fans learned last night that nobody does PPV like the WWF. “You mean the Mailman didn’t deliver?” asks Lawler.
The announcers continue to ridicule last night’s WCW main event, stating that, since neither men in the upcoming match are basketball players, we might actually see physical contact. Unfortunately, it’s a Brawl for All match, which, considering last week’s Drozdov-Hawk fight, is really the worst occasion to start lecturing about action. This bout pits New Midnight Express partners Bob Holly and Bart Gunn against each other. Jim Cornette, notes Ross, has quit as the New Midnight Express’s manager due to this fight. Sure, that was the reason.
Holly shoves Gunn from behind after the opening instructions, but Gunn lands a series of wide punches to dominate the first round. Shawn notes that every tag team has wanted to fight each other like this, but it usually is done in a hotel room; this marks the only time Shawn has admitted to anything The Rockers did in a hotel room. Bart Gunn continues pummeling Holly, who spends nearly the whole second round with his head down. A few clear shots by Bob to Bart’s abdomen seem to have no effect. The third round is more of the same, and Bart gets the victory on points. Oh, and the crowd hates the whole thing.
After the match is over, Holly brawls with Gunn before officials pull them apart, confusing fans into thinking the preceding bout was a work.
The announcers recap last week’s Nation Impersonation, highlighting such breakout roles as Triple H as The Crock, Chyna as Herself, and Jason Sensation as Owen Hart. The latter’s performance is shown in its entirety, while The Gunnfather gets a mere freeze frame.
An outraged Nation gather around the TV monitor before and after the commercial break before Jerry Lawler talks with Jason Sensation over the PA. Lawler gets Jason to do more impressions: Bret Hart (whom Shawn calls, “some mid-carder”), Undertaker, Steve Austin, and Shawn Michaels himself. Mr. Sensation says he respects all the WWF superstars, and that his impressions are all in good fun. They’re certainly more fun than Sensation’s next WWE appearance, when he threatened to shoot himself during Raw twenty years later.
The Nation of Domination gives their rebuttal to D-X’s impersonation; the Godfather, for instance, calls Billy Gunn, “Silly” instead of Billy, and says that pimpin’ ain’t easy. He’d use one of these phrases for years (Guess which one). Owen Hart threatens to slap the piss out of Jason, which gets muted on USA Network; Jason is initially concerned, but Lawler eggs him on to do some more Owen jokes. While Jason makes fun of Owen’s nose, the real Owen comes to the ring to slap the piss out of him. D’Lo has to be the one to make him release the Sharpshooter, but D-X soon storms the ring and drives the Nation out of the ring.
When WWF Raw returns, The Rock and Owen Hart are in the ring to face Triple H and X-Pac. D-X drive the Nation out of the ring again, but Rock and Owen regroup and isolate X-Pac. Shawn Michaels declines to answer whether he’s still aligned with D-X; in fact, he won’t rejoin until 2006 for a run that outlasts his original tenure. With the referee distracted, The Rock punches the former Cannonball Kid straight in his cannonballs, but Triple H evens things up by hitting him with the European belt. Rock kicks out of the subsequent pin attempt, but X-Pac plants him with a facebuster later known as the X-Factor to pick up the victory. Triple H, Rock’s Fully Loaded opponent, never even tags in.
Sable comes to the ring ahead of Marc Mero’s match against Steve Blackman. Shawn Michaels says he’ll be Fully Loaded for Sable’s upcoming bikini contest; in fact, he sounds pretty loaded already. Sable says that her Fully Loaded bikini will make her Slammy bikini look like an evening gown—What’s she gonna do, go topless? Regarding her relationship with Vince McMahon, she, like so many women thereafter, is not at liberty to discuss it.
Marc Mero looks to avenge his shoot loss to Blackman with a worked victory. On commentary, Michaels calls Sable’s bikini opponent Jacqueline, “sexual chocolate”, then asks Sable questions about gladiator movies and seeing grown men naked, which go right over her head. After Jacqueline yells at Sable, she tells her to pay attention to the match (which no one at the announce desk is doing). Jacqueline then gets in Sable’s face before climbing to the top rope to jump onto Blackman. Before she can do it, though, Sable crotches her on the rope. While Jackie clutches her primo real estate, Steve kicks Marc in the face and pins him.
The New Age Outlaws enter to take WWF Raw into its second hour. The champions defend their titles against Kane and Mankind. Road Dogg calls Chyna, “The Ninth Wonder of the World” (The eighth being Gomer Pyle’s heavenly singing voice). He also shouts out his wife Tracy. Jim Ross says the Outlaws have been champions since November, ignoring the one-day reign of Terry Funk and Mick Foley (one of the challengers tonight). All together, Foley would beat the Outlaws for the titles with three different partners and lose them to the Outlaws with four different partners.
Mankind, still in recovery mode from Hell in a Cell, nevertheless spends most of the match as the legal man, even ramming his shoulder into the ring post and moving the ring. Over the course of the match, The Undertaker, Owen Hart, and The Rock all come to ringside for a closer look. Triple H and X-Pac show up to deal with the latter two, but D-Lo Brown sneaks in and hits the Lo Down on Road Dogg. Kane then gives Road Dogg the “dadgum tombstone piledriver” to win the tag titles.
When WWF Raw returns, Triple H is complaining to the boss about maintaining order. The New Age Outlaws, who won their titles when X-Pac interfered and hit Mick Foley with a chair, are indignant about the injustice they just suffered.
In an extremely odd six-man tag match, the heel trio of Kaientai take on the heel duo of Too Cool, partnered with babyface Taka Michinoku. Too Cool perform the Hart Attack on Funaki, to the audience’s apathy. After Scott Taylor moonwalks to his corner, Taka tags in, performs a running kick to Dick Togo in the corner, and gets caught up in the ropes on the landing. Too Much then gets back into the match to keep it heels vs. heels. Meanwhile, Shawn Michaels says Vince McMahon, who is due to appear in the ring tonight, is “wacky on the junk”—his biggest bit of projection since the “Sunny Days” comment. After Kaientai breaks up his pin, Scott Taylor shoves Michinoku, who then dropkicks his own partner; Kaientai pick up the victory.
Val Venis interrupts the celebration and apologizes for flirting with Yamaguchi-san’s underaged wife. But, if you can believe it, all is not what it seems, as Venis then plays his newest video, “Land of the Rising Venis”. JR’s mama faints just seconds into the film, we are told, despite a full half the screen being blurred out (It’s someone covered in blankets). Out pops Mrs. Yamaguchi from under the covers, making her husband apoplectic. Val bids adieu with his own, less clever twist on “Once you go black, you never go back”: “When they get a taste of the Big Valbowski, they never, ever come back”.
A business-casual Vince McMahon arrives in black pants and an unbuttoned black collar shirt, then, appropriately enough given his color scheme, introduces The Undertaker. Jerry Lawler takes exception to Shawn and Jim calling Vince a puppet master, which he calls a “bigger lie than CNN told about that nerve gas”. As the announcers weigh in on the Undertaker being in kahoots with Kane (Lawler: Yea, Michaels: Nay, Ross: Present), Taker turns the house lights on again, this time without a fireball to his face.
McMahon speaks derisively about Taker and his recent nefarious actions, then asks him point blank whether he and Kane are in kahoots. Taker’s response: “You can go to hell”. But before McMahon can do so, Steve Austin interrupts. Stone Cold wants to know whether he can really count on The Undertaker in their tag match at Fully Loaded; Taker repeats his early answer.
Next, D-X comes out, and Triple H demands a rematch between the New Age Outlaws and Kane & Mankind. To sweeten the deal, Helmsley suggests two special enforcers: Stone Cold and The Undertaker. This way, they can resolve the kahoots dispute. Vince agrees before being told to suck it.
The ugly lightning bolt Summerslam logo is back again this week.
Edge looks on from the stands as The Godfather and Dan Severn enter for their Brawl For All bout. Severn, sporting his trademark sweat-stained t-shirt, is perspiring even more heavily than usual. The music stops, and the boos begin. The referee gives instructions to both Severn and the Godfather, who towers over The Beast, before WWF Raw goes to commercial.
After the break, the fight begins. Surprisingly, making the fans wait around for three extra minutes before starting the bout, doesn’t make them appreciate it any more. Severn tries for a takedown, but Godfather drops to the mat ahead of him, meaning it doesn’t count. The Beast, not understanding the rules, puts a hold on the prone Godfather until the bell rings. In the second round, he does it again, despite the referee’s admonition, leading to a penalty. This continues for the rest of the round. The crowd chants, “We want wrestling”, which is what Dan Severn was trying to do, thank you very much.
As the two men trade punches in round trhee, Shawn notes that the Godfather isn’t intimidated by the reputation of Ken Shamrock. Nor should he be, considering he’s fighting Severn, not Shamrock. Dan does some further takedowns—not clean takedowns, mind you—and is declared the winner. The loser, of course, is the viewer.
Dr. Tom Prichard and Kevin Kelly argue backstage on the set of WWF Code-Red, a WWF Raw post-show on their website.
The Outlaws’ entrance plays, but Road Dogg, too peeved to do his schtick, marches to the ring with Billy Gunn but no microphone. “Nobody’s ass is calling anybody tonight”, notes Michaels, who doesn’t seem to be a big fan of the non-Clique D-X members. Driving the point home, Shawn threatens to beat up Road Dogg and/or his dad, who once fired him from Continental Wrestling. Road Dogg, of course, can’t hear any of this. After Kane and Mankind’s entrance, The Undertaker and Stone Cold each come to ringside to fulfill their enforcement duties.
The Outlaws bring the fight to the champs, smashing Mankind with the steps and splitting Kane’s wishbone. They then attempt to suplex Mankind onto the entrance ramp, but thanks to Kane’s timely intervention, they merely drop him on his head. The announcers note Paul Bearer’s absence (which is never explained), then speculate about the Nation’s potential involvement in this match.
The champions isolate Road Dogg until Billy Gunn makes the hot tag—minus the tag. Though not the legal man, Gunn stays in long enough to accidentally squash the referee. Road Dogg punches Kane in his small package and rolls him up with the corresponding pinning combination, which draws Austin into the ring. The WWF champion starts counting the pin, but The Undertaker pulls him out before he can make the three count. Does this mean he and Kane really are in kahoots? Or just that Taker respects the rules of tag team wrestling (Kane being the illegal man, after all).
Kane then chokeslams Road Dogg and makes a cover, which The Undertaker attempts to count (very slowly). This time, Austin interrupts. The two enforcers have a staredown before Kane blindsides Austin. Mankind brawls with Taker before The Nation runs in to confirm this match’s finish as a shmoz. As WWF Raw goes off the air, Austin starts stunning everyone, including Billy Gunn.
Final tally:
1 JR’s Mama
(Year total: 7)