WWF Raw – June 15th, 1998 – Freeman Coliseum – San Antonio, TX
WWF Raw begins with a recap of last week’s black-tie casket-stuffing incident. But what the hell is the Hell in a Cell cell doing here tonight?
Too much Doring, and not enough Diamond! It’s time for WWF Raw, live from San Antonio. The show kicks off with the surprise return of Sable after a week’s absence. Sable then introduces Vince McMahon as the man who brought her back to the WWF, instantly dampening the mood. The boss’s first order of business is to have an incredulous Sable read a prepared statement denying his involvement in last week’s ambush of Stone Cold. The boss then kisses her on the cheek as if he were some kind of sexual predator.
Austin then crashes the proceedings, walks Sable out of the ring, and threatens McMahon over his various “chickenshit” antics. This airs uncensored. McMahon flees the ring and begs Stone Cold not to get violent. “Listen to reason, please!” says Vince repeatedly, then blames The Undertaker for last week’s attack, swearing on either his “grandfather’s kids” or his “grandmother’s kittens”.
This accusation brings out The Undertaker, who is wearing his ring gear this time instead of a sweatsuit. Taker says he does want Austin’s title, but one-on-one and not with anyone else’s help. The Dead Man threatens McMahon before the lights go out and Mankind, Kane, and Paul Bearer interrupt.
Bearer says Taker is lying, and that he and The Undertaker were in kahoots last week. But this week, the deal is off, and tonight he’s challenging Austin and Taker to face Kane and Mankind in the cell. “You are standing on the entrance ramp to the highway to hell!” says Paul. Hey, you know what would make a great pay-per-view theme song?
Tony Chimel introduces “The Man They Call Vader” for the next King of the Ring qualifying match; it’s been two and a half years, and they’re still not sure his name. Vader faces The Rock, whose Nation backup is sent away before the match. The announcers agree that Vader is trying to get into shape (since he is, admittedly, a big fat piece of shit), but worry that the San Antonio heat will be too much for him. Counterintuitively, despite Vader being fatter, his splash is remarkably ineffective, with The Rock kicking out.
Rocky then goes on the offensive, slapping Vader around until making the mistake of trying to lift the big man; because he’s so fat, Vader falls on The Rock as he attempts a scoop slam. Rocky does, however, successfully slam him a second time to set up the People’s Elbow. Vader kicks out, then splashes Rock, who also kicks out. With the referee’s back turned, Mark Henry roughs up and splashes Vader, allowing Rock to beat Vader with a Rock Bottom.
In a segment titled, “DX Droppin’ Knowledge”, Road Dogg talks strategy with both X-Pac and Triple H, who are opponents tonight. Hunter and Roadie argue over the size of Hunter’s nose.
Another Edge vignette features more cryptic narration, none of which will make it into his entrance theme.
Tennessee Lee literally rolls out the red carpet for Double J, then blames Texans for getting the Tennessee volunteers killed at the Alamo. They couldn’t have hid in the basement? Jarrett faces Darren Drozdov “Puke” [sic], but almost immediately, Jarrett’s KOTR opponent Marc Mero comes to ringside. Mero marches over to Jim Ross and complains about Sable being readmitted, then struggles with the idea that Vince McMahon, the owner, could simply hire Sable back. Jacqueline and Lee get into it, with Jackie slapping the former colonel. When Jeff gets involved, Marc sneaks up from behind and punches JJ in his PP. Puke then quickly rolls Jarrett into the ring and pins him.
Val Venis is, according to Jim Ross, “coming” next on WWF Raw. As a notable film star, he has his own dressing room.
Next up in “DX Droppin’ Knowledge”, it’s Billy Gunn’s turn at the blackboard. Gunn questions Chyna’s role in the upcoming intra-DX match.
Val Venis now faces Chainz (already in the ring)’ at this point in his career, Venis has sleep with fewer wrestler’s wives than Brian Lee. Val jokes about things being bigger in Texas, then begins the match. The action serves as a backdrop for unrelated commentary, much like TikTok sludge. Throughout the match, Ross and Cole discuss the alleged Undertaker conspiracy and the Triple H vs. X-Pac match. Ross then briefly addresses the in-ring action, noting that Venis is “endowed” with great abilities. In the closing moments of the match, Chainz crotches Venis on the top rope, but after countering a superplex attempt, Val finishes him off with a Money Shot.
Backstage, Kevin Kelly wonders whether The Undertaker and Steve Austin can co-exist.
Back on WWF Raw, X-Pac and Triple H are the next to drop knowledge on each other. X-Pac says he’s going to beat Hunter fair and square, with no need for Helmsley to let the freshly-healed X-Pac win. Triple H responds by offering X-Pac a breath mint. That’s always a cheap shot; how are viewers supposed to verify that someone has bad breath?
Marc Mero is back to face Dustin Runnels. Mero is of course upset that Sable is back despite losing at Over the Edge. Then again, she was gone a lot longer than Vader’s mask was. Jeff Jarrett joins the announce desk, where he rips Marc Mero and calls the his use of Sable and Jacqueline, “a dog and pony show”. But which one’s which? After Mero hits a huracanrana from the turnbuckle, Jarrett and Southern Justice distract the Marvelous One. Adding to the distraction, Sable strolls down the ramp, during which time Dustin Runnels plants Mero with a bulldog and wins the match. Post-match, Marc gropes Jacqueline for comfort.
In the final DX segment, Chyna tells the boys, now in their ring gear, to fight like men.
Backstage with Kevin Kelly, Dustin Runnels thanks Jesus Christ for his victory tonight over Marc Mero. Notably, Mero himself thanked Jesus Christ back in 1996 for his Intercontinental title win. I guess even JC has had enough of Marc.
Lest this WWF Raw turn into the 700 Club, X-Pac makes his entrance, debuting his variation on the DX theme. According to the rap remix, D-Generation X is gonna kick your ass. X-Pac, says the song, is not one to “try your luck with”. That couldn’t have been the original lyric.
Tonight’s WWF Raw is sponsored by Super Soaker and WWF: The Music Volume 2. Jerry Lawler wonders why his theme (“The Great Gates of Kiev” by Modest Mussorgsky) isn’t on the CD.
Hunter and X-Pac hit their crotches together—let me rephrase that—Hunter and X-Pac both perform the D-X chop in unison as X-shaped pyro goes off. Before the music finishes, however, X-Pac rolls up Hunter and tries to win with a schoolboy pin. X-Pac, who is wearing a red singlet because DX hasn’t learned to color-coordinate yet, gets in a flurry of 1-2-3 Kid-style offense. Triple H responds with The Booty Man’s finisher (the high knee) before X-Pac rolls to the outside.
Chyna then comes to ringside and rolls X-Pac right back into the ring, where Hunter knees him in the “pre-frontal lobe”. A spin kick sends Helmsley outside, where Chyna rolls him back into the ring. It’s X-Pac’s turn to fall out of the ring again, but this time, Chyna leaves him alone. The Rock then gets on the mic and, from the upper deck, taunts Helmsley. Meanwhile, Owen Hart sneak-attacks X-Pac and drops him on the guard rail.
Rocky says that he lay on his back two weeks ago against Triple H “strictly for pleasure”. Uhhh… Rock directs Hunter’s attention to X-Pac, who is hurt on the outside of the ring. X-Pac yells at Hunter to return to the ring before they’re both counted out, so Triple H picks up the victory. As DX checks up on X-Pac, a replay airs of Owen Hart’s hit-and-run attack.
The stage is now set for the King of the Ring tournament to begin. The qualifiers are over, and now it’s time for the first round, which is just like the qualifying round except with fewer matches.
Al Snow and Head come down the ramp in matching Avatar masks, which barely anyone understands—Avatar only wrestled a handful of times at a time when few were watching WWF anyway.
The JVC Kaboom of the Week is Undertaker’s chokeslam spree from last week. WWF Raw goes to break.
A jarringly serene vignette airs of a fisherman in a quiet stream. Turns out, it’s not part of WWF Raw at all, but a commercial for the One Stop Sport Shop in Stevens Point, Wisconsin that was left on this VCR recording.
When WWF Raw returns for year, Jerry Lawler is in the ring to yell at “Avatar”, who, like Road Dogg months earlier, wears a JOB Squad t-shirt. At King’s behest, Snow removes the mask, then ridicules the very idea of the gimmick Vince McMahon had cooked up years earlier (a masked wrestler who shows his face all the time). Snow threatens to arrest Vince McMahon for attempted murder—of his career, that is. He also threatens to arrest Jerry Lawler for lewd public conduct, no doubt giving the King pause. Fortunately for Lawler, Snow means simply that King’s been screwing him by not getting him a meeting with Vince. When Lawler yanks Snow’s head, Al attacks both him and the referee. “The King got Head!” shouts Jim Ross (speaking of Jerry Lawler arrests). “He got Head twice!” Snow then flees into the audience.
At a promo for WWF LiveWire (which is still on the air), DX blast Michael Cole with Super Soakers.
Now in a dry shirt, Michael Cole asks Stone Cold whether he can trust The Undertaker. He cannot.
Owen Hart and Mark Henry come to the ring after the other Nation members are sent packing. At this point, this is the only reason Commissioner Slaughter is even on TV. Not among the Nation’s ranks is D’Lo Brown, who tore his pecs last week at the hands of Dan Severn. Dan and Ken Shamrock are the Nation’s opponents tonight.
3/4 of the way through the broadcast, Jim Ross announces a tag team Royal Rumble for later in the show.
The Nation isolate Ken Shamrock before whipping him into his own corner. Dan Severn then makes a clearly illegal tag, stepping into the ring before tagging in, but the referee allows it. Severn takes down his opponents with amateur wrestling moves, including an amateur German suplex, before the Nation double-team him. With the referee distracted, Hart delivers an amateur kick to the testicles, but an attempt at a front dropkick backfires and knocks down Mark Henry. Ken Shamrock tags back in and cuts loose on Owen until Hart catches him in the Sharpshooter. Before Shamrock can tap out, DX rush the ring and retaliate. Vader then comes down and fights Mark Henry before The Rock and The Godfather join in.
The Steve Austin “Don’t Trust Anybody” t-shirt is available for $25 (if you can trust the WWF with your credit card info, which the shirt suggests you can’t).
Up next, right now, is the tag team Royal Rumble they mentioned just five minutes ago. And in case you weren’t already convinced that this match was cooked up at the very last minute and slotted into the show, a new team will enter not every two minutes, but every thirty seconds.
Out first are the LOD 2000, who are at a very, very slight disadvantage by entering first in this briefest of brief battle royals. Then again, their first opponents are Kane and Mankind.
During the sixty second commercial break (or enough time for two more teams to enter the Royal Rumble), the USA Network advertises The Net, a new series based on the movie (but without that girl from the bus).
Next out are the New Midnight Express, the Head Bangers, and the DOA, who all want to win the match and earn a title shot “sometime soon. Golga and Kurrgan enter just before the Midnight Express get ejected. Next, Too Much come out (to the ring), followed by the Black Men (my nickname for Steve & Faarooq), the East-South Connection (my nickname for Taka and Bradshaw), and the Funkers (JR’s nickname for Terry Funk and Scorpio). In the meantime, the DOA are eliminated.
Four grueling minutes into match, all teams have entered, and people start getting eliminated left and right. Terry Funk goes at Kane with a chair, but Mankind clotheslines him over the top rope. Funk hangs on until Mankind and Kane hit him with a chair in various ways. Mankind and Kane therefore are the number one contenders for the tag team titles, although the New Midnight Express will get the next shot by virtue of being eliminated first.
With that s**t is out of the way, says Paul Bearer essentially, it’s time for the Hell in a Cell match. Mankind delivers a rhyming promo on his King of the Ring opponent, The Undertaker, as the cage descends on the ring. Jim Ross points out that Mankind has gone “corporate” by wearing a shirt and tie.
Stone Cold arrives next and awaits the Undertaker, who no-shows despite two introductions by Tony Chimel. Mankind rushes at the door but gets it slammed right in his face; Kane has more luck and brawls with Austin on the outside. With the cage otherwise empty, Paul Bearer locks himself inside. But the Undertaker pops up through the canvas, making Bearer easy pickings.
Kane climbs to the roof and tries to break through it to no avail. Meanwhile, The Undertaker has busted Paul Bearer open, mashing his face against the cyclone fencing and smashing him with the steps.
With Kane on the roof, Mankind is all alone with Steve Austin, who waylays him with a chair shot to the face. Next, Austin and Kane battle it out on the cell roof, which bends under their weight. WWF Raw goes off the air before the match even begins. However, after the show, Austin will pin Mankind, suggesting the match has actually been been going on all along.
