WWF Raw – May 25th, 1998 – UTC Arena – Chattanooga, TN
No cold open for WWF Raw this week, as nothing important happened last week.
Too much Jem, and not enough Scout! It’s time for WWFRaw is War. Jim Ross tells us D-X was on a secret mission today. Hopefully it wasn’t completely stupid! The Jackyl will also be here, he also says, with some Howard Stern regulars. What Ross doesn’t tell us is where tonight’s WWF Raw is taking place (Chattanooga); Ross stated the previous week that the WWF would come to that city on a Tuesday.
Vince McMahon is here with cops and his stooges to gloat about his assault on Stone Cold last week. Steve Austin then arrives for what Michael Cole doubts is a peace agreement, unlike that reached in Northern Ireland. That was over a month ago, Cole! Quit living in the past.
Austin, who is back wearing jeans, tells the cops to arrest Vince for the assault he just admitted to. The officers then cuff Vince (not for the last time). When Patterson and Brisco shove the cops, Stone Cold gets them arrested, too. Before the police can take McMahon away, Austin boots him in the gut and douses him in beer; no further arrests are made.
The Disciples of Apocalypse face LOD 2000 (again without Sunny) and their mystery partner. It’s a preview of this Sunday, when the same match takes place minus Chainz and the mystery partner. Hawk introduces, from the south side of Chicago, Darren “Puke” Drozdov. He’s from New Jersey. True to his name, Puke attempts to vomit on one of DOA’s bikes. While I refuse to recap another DOA vs. LOD match, I will say that Drozdov tags in at the end and pins Chainz with a seated powerbomb.
Backstage, Vince McMahon demands to talk to his attorney, Jerry McDevitt, as Austin taunts the arrestee.
When WWF Raw returns, Steve Austin assists the law enforcement officers in loading the perps into the squad car.
“Well enough is enough, and it’s time for a change!” says Owen Hart’s new Nation of Domination theme song. Jim Ross notes Owen’s recent change in philosophy (presumably, Black nationalism). Hart faces Dan Severn, who weeks ago assaulted Jim Cornette, severin’ ties with his manager. The Beast thrice fireman-carries Hart and puts him in a cross arm-breaker. He releases the hold, of course, because no one wins a fight with an arm bar. Severn overwhelms Owen in the corner, so he kicks The Beast right in the testicles in full view of the referee.
The match continues somehow, and Severn locks Owen in an arm bar. When D’Lo Brown and the rest of the Nation run in to make the save, the referee finally throws out the match. The Nation restrain Severn so that Mark Henry can splash him. Owen even tries to Pillmanize Severn until WWF officials break up the proceedings.
After a plug for Stone Cold on Celebrity Deathmatch, Vince is seen in the back of the police car.
Another Edge vignette airs when WWF Raw returns.
The Jackyl comes to the ring, to the strains of a woozy waltz, with “Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf” and “Crackhead Bob” of the Howard Stern Show. Whether this is an upgrade from the Truth Commission remains to be seen, but Jim Ross is “somewhat intrigued”. Jackyl scolds the society’s cruelty towards the duo, such as when hundreds of thousands voted for Hank as People Magazine’s Most Beautiful Person as a joke. Hank gets on the mic, but much of what he says is bleeped.
Jackyl then introduces his “Parade of Human Oddities”: Golga, who is deformed, Silva, who is a giant, and Luna, who has an unusual haircut. Ross is particularly astounded by Silva (not yet named), who he estimates is “between seven and eight feet tall”. That’s technically correct.
The Headbangers come to the ring and play-box on their knees with Hank. Thrasher takes on Golga (John Tenta) while Crackhead Bob provides commentary. Golga powerslams Thrasher, creating an earthquake-like impact, to win the match. Mosh then puts the boots to Golga, but the giant intervenes and headbutts him (and the referee).
After another Al Snow sighting, Stone Cold taunts McMahon, who is still is the parking garage.
WWF Raw returns with the Super Soaker Rewind. This week’s clip is The Undertaker’s assault on Paul Bearer and Kane from last week.
Double J takes on Vader, who is yet again wearing a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. As WWF Raw cuts to commercial (already), Ross frantically tells producers to keep the cameras rolling. “Something is going on in the locker room area!”
When WWF Raw returns, Ross gives us the scoop: Stone Cold may get Vince and company released from custody if they agree to certain conditions. While that doesn’t sound like the kind of sensational incident requiring emergency live coverage, nor did it take place in the locker room, it’s good to know.
Jim Ross notes that Vader is in poor physical condition, which bodes poorly for his match with Kane. Out of shape or not, Vader powerbombs Jarrett, but Tennessee Lee distracts the referee for a long time while Vader makes the cover. Jarrett then works over Vader for a bit until the big man avoids a butt-splash to the knee. Vader goes back on the offense and, after an apparent post-production edit, clotheslines Jarrett. He then hits a second-rope splash, but Kane interferes before he can make a pin. Kane punches out and slams Vader, whose mask barely covers his face and who is canonically out of shape. Gee, I wonder who’s losing his mask at Over the Edge.
Backstage, cops let Vince, still cuffed, out of the car so that he can apologize to Austin. His first apology is blatantly insincere (like Stone Cold’s one last week), so Austin demands a real one. McMahon relents and delivers a contrite apology, at which point Austin pats him on the head and calls him a good kid.
Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross talk over “We’re All Together Now” to usher in WWF Raw’s second hour.
Vince McMahon slowly walks down the aisle in low spirits with his stooges. Jerry Lawler is upset at Steve Austin messing up Vince’s hair (which a mere six months ago he would have called a year). McMahon’s dejection turns to anger as he recounts the various indignities Austin has put him through, including a new condition Stone Cold placed on the match at Over the Edge. As part of Vince’s release from police custody, he has agreed to allow Austin to place another WWF Superstar at ringside to ensure Vince officiates the match fairly (For those outside the US, yes, this is a fairly common practice in our legal system). However, unless Austin brings in Godzilla (who’s in a new movie!), no one is going to intimidate Mr. McMahon. Not only that, but Vince is putting Steve Austin in a match tonight against… The Undertaker (Player!).
In the latest (and last) installment of D-X’s war on WCW, the group is at an airport, where Triple H takes off on a mission. Despite the stupidity of this segment, Jim Ross sounds excited and not at all dismissive of D-X’s shenanigans. Al Snow then hops the guard rail to yell at Jerry Lawler and demand to see Vince McMahon.
Taka Michinoku faces Dick Togo, or simply “Togo”, as the chyron calls him. I suppose his first name is off limits so as not to infringe on Val Venis’s gimmick. Jim Ross tells us that Togo idolized the Dynamite Kid, which is generally a bad idea. JR also tells us that WWF Raw will be in Chicago next Monday before the “giant Titantron” will come to Rockford, Illinois the following day (for a taped Raw).
Throughout the match, Taka and Togo dive at each other, but things get dirty when Dick kicks Taka right in the togo. At least this time, unlike Hart vs. Severn, the referee didn’t see it. Ross notes that Togo is a master of the senton bomb, which Jerry Lawler has never heard of. The King won’t see that move tonight, though, as Taka surprises Togo with a pop-up huracanrana and pin.
After winning the match, Michinoku is almost attacked by Yamaguchi-san but catches Kai En Tai’s manager in the act. Taka grabs Yamaguchi for presumably a very long time until the rest of Kai En Tai jump into the ring; a post-production edit causes both men to teleport prior to the attack. With the rest of Kai En Tai restraining Taka, Dick Togo executes the senton bomb. There is no rescue forthcoming for Taka, though, as Bradshaw is not in the arena.
The Castrol GTX Slam of the Week is Val Venis vs. Scorpio, culminating in a money shot. Uh, Val’s finishing move. The famously well-endowed wrestler was then pinned by Venis.
Back at the airport, the rest of D-X complain that, now that Triple H has taken off in an airplane, they don’t know where he is.
Marc Mero walks to the ring with a piece of paper in hand reading, “Contract”, “Sable”, and “Marc Mero” in big letters. Sable trails behind, per the conditions stipulated in the piece of paper. Also per the contract, Sable must take off Mero’s robe, which she does rather violently like it’s another evening gown match.
Faarooq comes to the ring for a rematch of the Intercontinental tournament finals from 1996. Unlike Mero, Faarooq’ is merely verging on irrelevance; at least he has an IC title match this Sunday. Mero repeatedly pulls Sable in front of him as a shield, allowing him to avoid Faarooq’s offense and take control. After he plants Faarooq with a DDT, Sable steps onto the ring apron and argues with him; when he turns around, Faarooq clotheslines him for the victory.
After the loss, Marvelous Marc challenges Sable to find a WWF Superstar to wrestle him at Over the Edge. If Sable’s man wins, Sable gets out of her contract with Mero. If Mero wins, Sable is kicked out of the WWF forever.
Vince McMahon narrates a career retrospective on Pat Patterson, including his announcing career. In the clip provided, Patterson rambles about somebody crushing apples.
When WWF Raw returns, Jim Ross excitedly introduces D-X’s latest stunt (or, more accurately, a collection of stock footage). Over clips of a jet fighter in flight, Triple H explains what he is supposedly doing to “Dubya-cee-dubya” (which, as far as I know, is how only Jim Ross pronounces it). After writing some rude messages to WCW with his contrails, Hunter escalates to an absurd degree by bombing WCW’s headquarters. But don’t worry: it wasn’t explosives, it was poop! Sadly, WCW never recovered.
The Rock comes to the ring for his match with Triple H (as Hunter wrote in the skies above WCW Nitro). But first, The Rock speaks about Viagra. Specifically, that he doesn’t need it (because his pee-pee works good!), so he can’t comment on it. After yet another post-production cut, The Rock promises to beat Faarooq at Over the Edge. But The Rock “saves the last for the absolute worst” [sic], addressing Triple H and D-X. In short, they pander to the fans and talk about their penises a lot—unlike The Rock, who at least doesn’t pander to the fans.
When Triple H comes down to the ring, Jerry Lawler says how impressed he is that Hunter can fly an airplane, and how cool it was that he dropped a bomb on the WCW officials (who must be really embarrassed).
Rocky and Hunter exchange wrestling holds, then crotch chops, before Helmsley chucks The Rock over the top. Chyna gives the IC champ a forearm, leading Mark Henry to get in her face. The Rock decides to break the rules himself, smashing Hunter in the face with the IC belt. However, Chyna pulls him out of the ring when he tries to make the pin. Meanwhile, Jerry Lawler, making his first topical reference to prove WWF Raw is live, compares the Nation’s recruitment of Owen Hart to the New York Mets’ acquisition of Mike Piazza.
When WWF Raw returns from commercial, Jim Ross notes that there are no more commercial breaks left on WWF Raw (meaning the main event will be really short). The Rock scoop-slams Triple H and delivers a People’s Elbow but Triple H naturally kicks out, because it’s just a stupid elbow drop. Chyna hits The Rock with Triple H’s belt, but Rocky kicks out. He also kicks out of Triple H’s phantom knee drop. After Triple H attempts a Pedigree right near the ropes, The Rock dumps him over the top with a back body drop. After Mark Henry roughs up Hunter, Chyna strikes him with a Piazza-like steel chair shot. Both opponents brawl on the outside, leading to a double countout. The Rock backs off Triple H’s post-match challenge, only for Faarooq to piledrive him on the stage.
Backstage, Stone Cold (who gets to pick an outside enforcer at Over The Edge) awaits his match with The Undertaker (who doesn’t have a match at Over The Edge, hint hint). Tony Chimel then introduces Vince McMahon as the special referee for their match tonight.
Throughout Taker’s entrance, McMahon shows off his muscles. Jerry Lawler is delighted by the flexing, leading Jim Ross to imply that he’s gay (or, at the very least, a suck-up). The Undertaker isn’t a fan, apparently, as he chokeslams and attempts to tombstone the boss. Kane intervenes before the piledriver, and the two brothers brawl on the outside.
As Kane and Taker fight in the crowd, the stooges tend to McMahon. Austin’s music then hits, and he delivers stunners to both of them. Austin then ties up McMahon in the ropes and retrieves a steel chair. Stone Cold threatens the boss with a shot to the head, but Dude Love arrives just in time with his own chair, which ends up ricocheting off his own skull thanks to Austin. WWF Raw goes off the air, and my prediction was wrong—the main event wasn’t short at all; in fact, it didn’t even take place.