WWF Raw – May 11th, 1998 – Baltimore Arena – Baltimore, MD
WWF Raw begins with a montage of last week’s events involving Mick Foley and Vince McMahon, with the latter urging the former to rip out Terry Funk’s heart like in Temple of Doom.
Too much Jobs, and not enough Sculley! It’s time for WWF Raw is War. Tonight, Jim Ross promises footage of today’s “assault” by D-Generation X on WCW offices.
Vince McMahon comes to the ring sans suit jacket. Tonight, says McMahon, Steve Austin will wrestle in a tag team match “in this very ring”. He then introduces Dude Love, once again the #1 contender, who arrives in a suit jacket (possibly Vince’s). JR even spots false teeth in Mick’s mouth.
Dude Love rattles off his qualifications (education, fluency in four languages, dance skills, etc.) and declares himself a future WWF champion. And, unlike some past champions, he has found his smile.
Vince then introduces the guest time keeper and ring announcer, Brisco and Patterson respectively, for WWF Over The Edge on “May thirty-one”. And the referee? He’s a man who “stands tall amid an avis [sic] of mediocrity” (Michael Cole is as confused as all of us about what an avis is). But the special guest referee refuses to appear on stage, so Vince walks up the ramp to retrieve him. In the meantime, Patterson introduces the referee, teasing that it’s Bret Hart until McMahon himself walks out in his painted-on referee shirt.
Backstage, Sable declines to speak to Kevin Kelly, as one does.
Before the commercial break, pro-DX graffiti appears on the CNN building. How did they do that!?
Earlier today, DX arrived in their military garb and Jeep to confuse some office workers.
Meanwhile, Al Snow shows up in a JOB Squad t-shirt with his mannequin head and two tickets. Though Snow has not been seen in the Federation since September when he wrestled as Leif Cassidy, Kelly recognizes him and calls him by his proper name. At least Al Snow is in the building; the guy he put over hasn’t been seen since. Jim Ross, who has obviously been keeping up with ECW, correctly names Head.
Vader is back to face Barry Windham, who is still with the company, it turns out. Windham is backed up by Jim Cornette and the New Midnight Express. During the match, Windham attempts two sunset flips, but Vader counters both times by crashing his butt down on him (intentionally, the second time).
The announcers plug UFC XVII before Vader crushes Windham with the Vader Bomb. He then fends off Bombastic Bob and Bodacious Bart. Vader will face Kane at Over The Edge, with the loser having to unmask; I know the fans are dying to see what Vader looks like under there.
Jim Ross then introduces a preview of MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch featuring Steve Austin. Ross promises that it won’t be another wrestling embarrassment on MTV and says it will happen rain or shine (referring to the baffling, rained-out Ultimate Video Feud that the network did with WCW that weekend).
Speaking of Stone Cold, he has just arrived at the arena; Kevin Kelly will try to get a word with him.
The Castrol GTX Slam of the Week is Austin’s Stunner to Pat Patterson last Monday.
During the break, Kevin Kelly told Stone Cold about the stacked deck at Over The Edge. Angered, Stone Cold takes away Kevin’s microphone and goes looking for Vince (or, “the dumb bastard”, in his words).
WWF Raw is brought to us by M&M’s, “blatantly exploiting the new millennium”—not the best piece of ad copy to read when LOD 2000 is in the ring. Hawk will face Skull after last week’s eight-man fiasco. When the two bald members of DOA ride to the ring, a very young fan rubs one of their heads for good luck.
Though this is a singles match, both teams brawl at the outset. When order is restored, Skull attempts an unknown move from the second rope onto a prone Hawk, but Hawk counters with a boot to the face. When Hawk crashes to the outside after a missed corner charge, the DOA uses Twin Magic, which only Sunny and *maybe* Jim Ross catches. The wrong Disciple of Apocalypse rolls up Hawk for the victory.
More footage of DX hijinks airs, where the gang “invades” the CNN Center. The group wanders around the food court and bewilders some more security guards.
Another vignette airs for Edge with a woman’s rhyming voiceover.
Earlier today, Bradshaw tried to teach Taka Michinoku the finer points of American culture, like cigars and driving. It’s the first comedy sketch to feature Bradshaw, though it’s already funny that he wears “BJ” on his tights. Kai En Tai, formerly known as Club Kamikaze, beat up the duo after the driver’s ed lesson.
When Jeff Jarrett comes to the ring, Jim Ross mentions that WWF Raw will be live next week in Jarrett’s home town of Nashville, making for rare back-to-back live episodes. The streak ends the following Tuesday, which Ross euphemistically describes as the WWF bringing the Titantron and TV cameras to Chattanooga.
Jarrett’s opponent is Faarooq, who comes to the ring with Steve Blackman, Jarrett’s Over The Edge opponent. Faarooq himself will challenge The Rock for the IC title at that event. Regardless of the official match tonight being Jarrett vs. Faarooq, Blackman twice assaults Double J. As Faarooq is about to hit the Dominator on Jeff, Mark Henry and Kama rush the ring and attack him. Hey, that’s not fair! The match ends in a DQ as the two Black men brawl with Blackman and the other Black man. During the fight, Jarrett cheap-shots Steve with nunchaku.
Vince McMahon narrates a cheesy, local-style commercial for the Brisco Brothers Body Shop.
In the audience in Baltimore tonight is the Ravens’ own Siragusa, Tony.
An angry Stone Cold comes to the ring to demand Vince McMahon bring his yellow (carc)ass there and explain himself. The boss and his stooges, appearing on the Titantron, play dumb like they don’t know who Austin’s opponents are tonight. They then follow official protocol when it comes to Vince McMahon: see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. “You can cover up your eyes, your ears, and your mouth”, says Austin, “but you can’t cover up your ass”. True!
Sable stretches backstage before her confrontation with Marc Mero. “Wow!” remarks Ross.
When WWF Raw returns, a highlight reel of Val Venis vignettes airs, along with a copyright notice signifying the end of WWF Raw is War and the beginning of WarZone. Is this the end of “We’re All Together Now” as the WarZone theme?
If you thought Jim Ross was horny for Sable, wait until you hear Jerry Lawler! “Look at those”, says the King, who claims he took another Viagra pill today. “Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!” he elaborates. “Oh! Oh!” Marc and Sable circle each other in fighting position until Mero picks her up in a fireman’s carry. He puts her down, though, being a gentleman, then asks Sable to apologize for trying to ruin his career. Instead, she kicks him in the groin and powerbombs him. Well, he’s finished.
The Undertaker then shows up and dampens Lawler’s mood, punching him out for his comments on Taker’s mother last week. The Dead Man chokeslams the King, but Kane’s lights-out entrance interrupts a Tombstone attempt. Paul Bearer says he’ll prove he’s Kane’s father next week. Bearer then leaves, so Taker picks up where he left off and tombstones Lawler.
A dance song resembling a Casio keyboard demo plays as Jim Ross promotes the Over The Edge PPV. Don’t tell me this is the official theme!
With Jerry Lawler incapacitated, Al Snow hops into the empty announce chair with Head, whom he outfits with a spare headset. In short order, the stooges and some security guards eject Snow, who demands to see Vince McMahon.
The conclusion of Operation DX: Atlanta airs, with the degenerates launching a missile to blow up the CNN Center. Realistic as it may look, it is actually a special effect. Considering that DX got politely turned away by security twice before they could do anything, it’s amazing any of their footage actually aired. Jim Ross calls the whole venture a waste of time.
DX makes their entrance, and X-Pac is the first to address the crowd, ranting against Eric Bischoff. The rest of the group does their shtick (“Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls”, “Are you ready?”, etc.). Triple H addresses the ladies of Baltimore, promising a “little surprise for your state bird”. I can’t think of any double-entendres relating to the oriole, nor do we get to hear any, as Owen Hart interrupts the promo. Hart teases a confrontation with Triple H before the rest of the Nation arrives as back-up.
The 1-800-COLLECT WWF Rewind is Chyna’s performance in last week’s 8-person match.
WWF Raw returns to Owen Hart vs. Triple H, already in progress. Jim Cornette, now on commentary, praises Hart for making a real challenge, rather than a phony challenge that the other guy would obviously never accept (referring to Eric Bischoff’s challenge to Vince McMahon).
Owen presses his boot into Hunter’s face and yells, “Suck it”. Later, Triple H gains the advantage and yells “Suck it”. The matter of sucking it gets even more complicated when Owen kicks Hunter in the groin, and when Chyna drops Owen on his crotch on the top turnbuckle. Along the way, Owen bites Hunter’s ear. Commissioner Slaughter throws out the match before the match can devolve into a five-on-five brawl.
After the break, the announcers promote the DX-Nation match at Over The Edge, but some generic blues rock interrupts and confuses Cornette. Is this the pay-per-view theme?
Goldust walks on stage and drops his costume in a trash can, soaks it in gasoline, and lights it on fire. He then cuts a promo on Vince McMahon, accusing him of taking away his dignity, father, and family. “And why?” asks Dustin Runnels. “‘Cause you’re a f****t, Rhodes!” yells an unsympathetic fan repeatedly (This has been muted on the Peacock version). Runnels says the last straw was when Vince punished him with a match against Kane because he couldn’t beat “Stun—Stone Cold Steve Austin”. Runnels vows, “You will never forget the name of [inhales] Dustin.”
Terry Funk and Scorpio face Kai En Tai in a two-on-three handicap match. Kai En Tai’s manager Yamaguchi-san waves a black Japanese flag and walks down the ramp alone, calling the fans, “disgusting scumbag American” [sic]. “Scumbag” was muted in the original USA broadcast but restored on Peacock.
The three members of Kai En Tai emerge from under the ring and sneak-attack Funk and Scorpio. As the trio overwhelms the duo, Jim Cornette notes that Mens Teioh idolized Terry Funk (hence the nickname, “Terry Boy”). The referee allows all three Kai En Tai members, so Scorpio flattens each of them with powerbombs. Funk then tags in and attempts a trifecta of spinning toe holds, but the numbers game catches up to him. As Funk is triple-teamed, Bradshaw and Taka come to the rescue. Despite their blatant triple-teaming, it is Kai En Tai who wins by disqualification.
Backstage, Vince McMahon speaks to Steve Austin’s tag team partner, whom he calls a “physical specimen”. Alas, the camera doesn’t catch the other party to the conversation.
Al Snow tries in vain to get into the arena without a ticket, leading Jim Cornette to remark that, unlike WCW, the WWF doesn’t give away free tickets. Jim Ross is quick to note, however, that WWF tickets are affordably priced.
The Nation makes an unscheduled return after Owen and Triple H “beat the… fire out of each other”. Speaking of fire (as JR did), The Rock says that “the fire between Stone Cold and The Rock reignites”. The Rock reveals that he is one of Austin’s opponents, then says that unless Steve’s partner is Godzilla (who has a movie coming out that month), he doesn’t stand a chance.
Backstage, Vince McMahon poses in his referee shirt with the stooges. An off-screen voice counts them down from five.
Austin comes to the ring to face The Rock and D’Lo Brown, but Vince McMahon crashes the party to announce Stone Cold’s partner: Vince McMahon. Again. Aw, son of a bitch! Confusingly, McMahon still wears his referee shirt.
Austin cleans house early on and even knocks the stooge’s noggins together. When D’Lo sends Steve over the top rope, Patterson and Brisco lay the boots to him. Stone Cold’s troubles continue as The Rock chucks him into the ring steps. His partner, Vince McMahon, stands in the corner, amused. Vince then distracts the referee as The Nation double-teams Steve in the ring. Austin fights his way out of The Rock’s sleeper hold, but both men end up on the mat after a double-clothesline. It’s rare that two opponents do the exact same move at the exact same time, but when they do, it’s always a clothesline.
The Rock tags out to D’Lo, who ascends the top rope. Steve Austin, however, avoids the Lo Down, then flips off McMahon. The Rock tags back in, but Austin handles both Nation members. He stuns D’Lo and covers him for a pin attempt, which the referee counts despite Brown tagging out. Austin dodges a Rock elbow and sends him out of the ring, but Vince and the stooges overwhelm him. When Stone Cold fights back, Dude Love interjects himself, followed immediately by Dustin Rhodes and DX, who come to Austin’s aid.