WWF Raw – April 20th, 1998 – Nassau Coliseum – Long Island, NY
This week’s edition of WWF Raw opens with a recap of last week’s Austin-McMahon non-match, which was broken up by Mick Foley. “Last week’s mayhem and confusion left World Wrestling Federation fans with one question,” says Michael Cole, serious as can be: “Why, Dude, why?”
Too much Rod, and not enough Todd! It’s time for WWF Raw is War from Long Island, New York. Coupled with last week’s Philly show, they sure picked a bad set of shows to turn Mick Foley heel. A fan seated behind Cole and Ross proclaims Brian Christopher, “Jerry’s girl”. Brian is quite a bit too old for that, actually.
Kevin Kelly is on location at the cemetery where Kane and Undertaker are supposed to meet tonight. Kelly doesn’t know whether it will be “a match or a fracas or who knows what”. He promises an update as soon as the brothers arrive.
A close-up of a lava lamp introduces us to a brand new segment on WWF Raw, Dude Love’s Love Shack. Michael Cole is completely taken aback, although it looks like all the decorations have been there on stage for quite a while. The Love Shack even has its own theme music, which sounds incredibly similar to the B-52’s Love Shack and mentions the “Love Shack” by name. WWE Anthology calls it “The Dudester” and calls Dude Love’s normal entrance theme, “Dude’s Shack”, but I have a feeling these titles were switched to obscure the obvious influence.
As Dude Love boogies down, ECW superfan and Dude Love lookalike, Faith No More Guy, gives him a big thumbs down. Vince McMahon isn’t a fan, either, shambling through the beaded door and looking bewildered at the decorations. McMahon sternly lectures the Dude for messing up the boss’s chance for revenge on Stone Cold, fining Foley five grand.
After McMahon exits, the Dude continues on with his talk show. Mr. Love accuses former tag team partner Steve Austin of a sneak attack, blaming it on Stone Cold’s jealousy. It seems that back in their tag team championship days, Dude Love got all the best chicks. Tonight, the Dude faces Steve Blackman, but he’ll forget about the “number-one contender match” if Steve-o (that is, Austin) begs forgiveness tonight. He must mean the WWF title match at Unforgiven, as Dude Love already is the number-one contender according to Jim Ross.
“You better know your role!” proclaims a soundbite kicking off the Nation of Domination’s new theme music, which consists of the “We Are the Nation” chant and drum track, but with a new bass line. The Rock and company walk through the audience with bats, trash cans, and, in Mark Henry’s case, a keg. It’s a Long Island Street Fight, with one member of the Nation vs. Faarooq.
When WWF Raw returns from a commercial, referees are ejecting the three other Nation members from ringside as Kama takes on Faarooq. Meanwhile backstage, officials block Ken Shamrock and Steve Blackman (who’s holding a prop tool) from entry.
In the ring, Kama swings his bat at Faarooq, who ducks and hits him with a hammer. The former Nation leader whips Kama with a belt, then bashes him with Mark Henry’s keg. Kama then fights back, ripping off Faarooq’s top and exposing his ribs. Kama, who is wearing an FTW t-shirt, hits Faarooq in the back with a hammer. Meanwhile, the Nation is still on the entrance ramp.
“The Godfather of the Nation of Domination” (in Ross’s words), works over Faarooq for a long time (by Attitude Era standards, at least). Kama crashes his butt on Faarooq’s back, but on the third attempt, Faarooq turns over, driving his knee into Kama’s groin. This was so obvious that I wrote the previous sentence before I actually saw it happen.
The comeback is short-lived, though, and soon Kama picks up the hammer (which, much like that last move by Faarooq, is a cross peen). But Faarooq counters with a boot to the face (literally; he took his shoe off), then takes down Kama with a spinebuster. “The Dominator!” says Cole erroneously as Faarooq gets the three count. Though the former Nation leader has won the battle of the obscure theme songs, he, Blackman, and Shamrock will have to take on the other three Nation members at Unforgiven.
In their locker room, D-Generation X replays the time they whizzed on DOA’s motorcycles two weeks ago. But, the New Age Outlaws complain, they and X-Pac were the only ones who whipped it out. Billy Gunn and Road Dogg then gleefully dare Triple H to go to the ring, show his “bazooka”, and piss on the audience. And Hunter is into it! “Helmsley is going to expose himself tonight”, asks an incredulous Jim Ross, “and urinate on the crowd?” Talk about a cliffhanger! WWF Raw goes to break.
A package airs hyping Double J’s concert this Sunday night with Sawyer Brown. The band’s regular lead singer, Mark Miller, worries that the guys will kick him out and replace him with Jeff Jarrett after they hear him sing. Has anyone told him that Jarrett was so bad at singing he had to lip-sync to the Road Dogg’s vocals?
Speaking of packages, it’s now time for Triple H to show the crowd his junk and tinkle on them. An elementary school-aged D-X fan is then seen nodding his head and giving the crotch chops. Helmsley, eager to put himself on the offenders registry, arrives in a raincoat (though, by the sounds of it, it’s the fans who should be wearing raincoats).
“We are rockin’ on that D”, says the Road Dogg, who may or may not understand what he’s saying. “And we are rollin’ on that X all night long”. As for the LOD 2000, “You can polish a turd all day, but it is still doo-doo”. Hunter then encourages the audience to chant, “Skank-y” at Sunny. As for the H-Man himself, he’s wrestling Owen Hart this Sunday with Chyna suspended in a shark cage.
But, Billy happily reminds him, he still has to show his wiener to the crowd. Thus, D-X huddles together, and Hunter, back turned to the camera, sprays a a large stream toward the fans opposite the hard cam. “Good lord!” says Jim Ross, before seeing the literal water gun under his jacket.
LOD 2000 and Owen Hart interrupt, with Hawk bragging that, unlike D-X, the Road Warriors always do what they say they’ll do. For instance, that time they threatened to show Ric Flair “what ‘hard’ is all about”. As the group walks to the ring, Commissioner Slaughter rushes to the front to tell them there’s a time and place for these kinds of things—namely, later tonight in this arena.
Backstage, a nervous assistant hands Vince McMahon his coffee. Damn fine coffee, it turns out.
Still in the ring, D-X continues to hose down the crowd, including players for the New York Jets. Michael Cole suggests calling them, “The Wets”.
The WWF Rewind, presented by 10-321, is a montage of Dan Severn highlights from UFC.
The Headbangers are in the ring when WWF Raw returns. Before Dan Severn can make his entrance, Kevin Kelly interrupts to tell us that The Undertaker has arrived at the cemetery. The Beast faces Mosh, whom he slaps and tosses around—one suplex for every time an announcer calls him “Sevrin”. On the outside, Thrasher punches Jim Cornette, creating a temporary distraction. Soon, though, Severn wins with an arm bar.
Back at the cemetery, Kevin Kelly reports a “blood-curdling scream” from the Undertaker, who then grabs the announcer and yells, “Where are they!?”
After the commercial, a shaken Kelly says Taker is probably headed back to the arena.
The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust, currently dressed as Goldust, arrives for a match. But first, Luna threatens to strip Sable of her soul, mind, and her clothing. “Including,” she laughs maniacally, “your bra and panties!”
“Good grief!” says Jim Ross.
Bradshaw storms the ring in his cowboy gear, whipping his opponent Goldust with his chaps. The former Bradshaw wears his “BJ” trunks, and for once Goldust has to wrestle an opponent with attire even more gay than his own. As the two Texans grapple, Cole and Ross discuss butt-kickings and whether Stone Cold will give Vince McMahon one. That, and the possibility of Sable being nekkid on the pay-per-view.
Bradshaw takes control with a fallaway slam and big boot, then looks to finish off Goldust with his “clothesline from hell”. Instead, Club Kamikaze run in, triple-team the big, rangy Texan, and run off.
The M&M’s Slam of the Week is Vince McMahon’s slap to Steve Austin last week.
“We’re All Together Now” kicks off WWF Raw’s second hour, but the video pauses, rewinds, and cuts off. Cameras show the crowd waiting patiently in silence before Austin’s glass breaks. Though this error has been covered up on Peacock, it makes you wonder how this kind of thing could happen on a WWF Raw filmed six days in advance.
Stone Cold comes down the ramp, chucking his belt into the ring ahead of him. As if to emulate Austin, a fan tries throwing a t-shirt into the ring but misses. Austin says Vince McMahon and Dude Love have been in cahoots, a claim affirmed by the crowd in the form of a “Hell yeah”. He then confirms rumors that he would kick Vince’s ass tonight, then menaces a ringside photographer, ring announcers, and a cameraman. The copyright notice shows up screen, although the WarZone intro already played.
Up next, Terry Funk arrives with the former Flash Funk, who seems to be having an identity crisis. Although the announcer calls him, “Too Cold Scorpio”, the WWF can’t resist calling both men, “Funk”. On the other hand, they don’t want to use the “Flash Funk” name. The solution? The match graphics call him “T.C.S. Funk”.
In the parking garage, a hearse arrives, which Jim Ross thinks may contain The Undertaker. In the driver’s seat or in the back?
The Funks’ opponents are The New Midnight Express, who aren’t defending their NWA tag team titles, perhaps for fear it would make the match seem less important. Scorpio hits Bombastic Bob with a straitjacket powerbomb, then tags out to brother Terry. The Midnights isolate Terry as Jim and Jerry discuss The Undertaker’s impending arrival at the arena. Lawler takes the opportunity to joke about Linda McCartney being dead (her death having been announced earlier that day). Ross is appalled.
Scorpio tags in and makes a brief comeback for his team, but a furtive piledriver by the illegal man cuts off his momentum. The Midnights then spike-piledrive Terry and rough him up on the outside until Scorpio leaps over the top rope onto them. Too Cold throws Bob into the ring for a moonsault, but the Bombastic One counters with his knees. Scorpio then counters a superplex attempt and hits the 450 to win. Dan Severn, already on his way into the ring, calmly approaches Scorpio and suplexes him. The current NWA champion puts him in an arm bar before former NWA champion Terry Funk shoos him away with a chair.
Val Venis takes a well-deserved shower and says they’ll be no stopping him once he comes. He then advises the ladies watching to rest up while they can. I don’t understand—won’t he be wrestling men?
Sable, who faces Luna in the much-anticipated Evening Gown match on Sunday, arrives wearing a formal dress of some kind. “Who’s going to be stripped down to their bra and panties?” asks Jim Ross, who’s doing a very poor job acting like he doesn’t enjoy saying it. Michael Cole, who interviews Sable, quotes Luna Vachon’s sartorial threats against her. But Sable says she can’t possibly be embarrassed by her body, then says that as long as she gets her hands on Luna, she doesn’t even care if she goes the full monty. “My Mama just fainted”, says JR.
And a good thing, too, because she definitely doesn’t want to be conscious for what’s coming up later, as a giddy, dirt-covered Paul Bearer steps out of the hearse.
In Vince’s fancy office, Michael Cole inquires about the conspiracy allegations leveled by Steve Austin (who will be profiled on Access Hollywood this Wednesday). McMahon rebuffs the accusation and says he “would suggest” Stone Cold has been watching too much Oliver Stone.
Up next, Triple H and The New Age Outlaws take on their respective Unforgiven opponents. The Greensboro Coliseum, says Jim Ross, is not only “Ric Flair country”, but also “WWF country” as of this Sunday. Flair was recently suspended by WCW.
Fans of both sides of the six-man match hold up signs in support, though the “Mr. Ass” sign is far neater than the one reading, “LOD 2,000 RUIEZ” [sic].
Owen scraps with Billy Gunn to open the match, but when Billy tags in Road Dogg, Owen tags in Hawk. Meanwhile, Jerry Lawler wonders what Sunny is doing with the Legion of Doom (besides drugs). Hawk pulls on Road Dogg’s extensions before tagging out to Animal, and soon it’s Triple H and Animal in the ring. When the Road Warrior tags in Owen, though, Hunter quickly tags out as WWF Raw goes to break.
Hunter finally tags in after Billy Gunn does the dirty work. But when Owen hits the enzuigiri on Triple H and slaps on the Sharpshooter, Billy Gunn runs in to DDT him (with the referee distracted, of course). Road Dogg tags in and shakes, rolls, and rattles all over Hart (but not in that order), but when Animal tags in, all hell breaks loose. Animal cleans house, even delivering a rare dropkick that answers the question, “Why doesn’t Animal ever do a dropkick?”
The LOD perform the Doomsday Device on Road Dogg, but the referee is distracted with ringside shenanigans. Hawk leaves the ring to impotently confront Chyna, who has Sunny slung over her shoulder. “Don’t do it!” begs the Road Warrior. Amid the confusion, Animal gets hit with an X-Pac chair shot and a Billy Gunn piledriver, losing the match via pinfall.
Backstage, Paul Bearer and Kane roll away Taker’s parents’ exhumed coffins.
WWF Raw returns with a first in WWF history: corpse desecration! Paul Bearer, who brags about cheaping out on the Undertaker family coffin, says he’s giving the Taker the chance to finally attend his parents’ funeral. You can’t get any more disgusting than this (unless Lawler makes another Linda McCartney joke).
The Undertaker interrupts Bearer’s diatribe, turning out the lights and hopping the barricade. Panicked, Paul tells Kane to pour the gasoline already. As Bearer sets one of the coffins ablaze, Undertaker rushes up the ramp, where he is chokeslammed by Kane through the lid of the other coffin.
Flames shoot up from the first box as The Undertaker, lying amid his own mother’s remains, is helpless to stop them. The camera zooms in on the coffin to get a good look of Mrs. Taker’s bones and the maggots.
After messages from the show’s sponsors (who must be thrilled), a solemn Michael Cole informs us that the Undertaker is accompanying his parents’ remains to a secure area.
Vince McMahon comes to the ring to commentate the night’s main event, Steve Blackman vs. Dude Love. Jerry Lawler, in turn, tries to rat on Jim Ross for insulting the boss, but Vince says the WWF is all about free speech. The announcers discuss the supposed conspiracy between Vince McMahon and Dude Love, with McMahon insinuating that it’s Austin and the Dude who are in cahoots.
Vince is too busy discussing the Austin situation to call any of the match’s Maneuvers (or the desecration of human remains that occurred just minutes earlier on his TV show). He says that he’ll be at ringside for the Stone Cold match this Sunday. He also promises that something “catastrophic” will happen at the pay-per-view. Yikes.
Steve Blackman puts Dude Love in an abdominal stretch, which the Dude reverses into an abdominal stretch of his own. Immediately, the bell rings, despite Blackman not submitting. Irate, Steve gets in timekeeper Mark Yeaton’s face, flipping him by his collar onto the floor.
The other Steve (Austin) then runs down to the ring and flips Vince over, then brawls with Dude Love. With Vince now in the ring, Stone Cold moves in on him but gets cut off by Patterson and Brisco. As he stuns both stooges, Vince scoots out of the ring. Austin has to dispose of the Dude before chasing after Vince, but time runs out on the broadcast before he can catch him.
Final tally:
1 JR’s Mama
(Year total: 4)