So some grotty muppet took the piss out of you.
OR CALLED YOU A TEENY WEENER
Or stole your polio leg braces and made you crawl home
Fact is, kids are bullied every day; in school or at the playground
And it’s time for these kids to do what’s right.
But not by being no little sissy-boy star!
By growing a pair.
Do you think I told mommy or daddy what happened to me?
You can’t take s**t from these mealy-mouthed pricks
Let the duffers know you’re no divvy
Bullying made me want to beat polio
You think I let some inbred yokels call me names?
Stand up for yourself, you spoiled, egg-sucking toad!
Know how I beat polio? Know what gave me strength?
I’ve got broken knuckles from putting an end to their taunts
F**king their mothers, that’s how
I’ve killed 11 bullies in my life
Crushed more bones than a slaughterhouse
The bullies now legally have to call me Dad
Beat one into a coma with a riding crop, I did!
Forget that s**t they teach ya on the television!
Anti-bullying campaigns are just skanky naff
Who needs an adult when a crescent wrench will suffice?
We never needed a “pledge” to maintain order
Those assholes are in their sixties, and I still make em mow the lawn
Life doesn’t need a Geneva Convention, it needs martial law!
Make that 12 bullies. Beat one to death while waiting my turn to talk
So stand up for yourself
Take matters into your own hands
Fix the problem yourself
Make em watch you f**k their mothers, and bathe in their salty, PMS-tears
Grow a pair
Grow a pair
Grow a pair
AND RIP OUT ONE OF THEIR F**KING EYES AS A SOUVENIR!
(Special thanks to Catherine Perez for the Grow a Pair logo!)
Brilliant, just simply brilliant.
Loved the Haku bit at the end, it was all brilliant.
“The bullies now legally have to call me Dad” is the best line I’ve seen all day.
Why Haku wasn’t put in jail for that incident I’ll never know. I still think Coage could have taken him in a real fight.
Fuck yeah.
I wish bullying could still be solved with a bit of ass kicking, not today’s namby-pamby “I’ll sue you” PC bullshit.
And before some hippy asshole calls me something like ‘knuckledragger’ or ‘mouthbreather’, know that me and my brother were victims of severe verbal bullying (at school), and physical (at home). Sometimes the only way to make it end is to show them that you’re not a helpless victim, and the most effective way is by beating some sense into your tormenters.
Violence begats violence? Fuck off. Look at the litany of disrespectful, deranged and horrible kids and teenagers in today’s world, and tell me that they don’t deserve the beatings they never got from their parents/teachers.
Now, believe it or not, but I’m not a violent person. I will always try to find a peac
Fuck yeah.
I wish bullying could still be solved with a bit of ass kicking, not today’s namby-pamby “I’ll sue you” PC bullshit.
And before some hippy asshole calls me something like ‘knuckledragger’ or ‘mouthbreather’, know that me and my brother were victims of severe verbal bullying (at school), and physical (at home). Sometimes the only way to make it end is to show them that you’re not a helpless victim, and the most effective way is by beating some sense into your tormenters.
Violence begats violence? Fuck off. Look at the litany of disrespectful, deranged and horrible kids and teenagers in today’s world, and tell me that they don’t deserve the beatings they never got from their parents/teachers.
Now, believe it or not, but I’m not a violent person. I will always try to find a peaceful solution to any conflict…but sometimes, scum will just NEVER learn unless someone gives them a knuckle sandwhich.
Now, am I saying that people should fight to solve their issues? Heck no, but sometimes their is no other option. Leftist pacifists may damn me for such a statement, but I AM a leftist pacifist (well, almost-pacifist), and I give to many charaties. I also have a BA Honours degree (and am working towards my Masters), so I’m not exactly ‘stoopid’.
Jesus…I’m ranting too much. On topic, funny as hell Justin!
Addendum – sorry about the double post…
You know, I met Harley Race once – pretty cool guy, but I never once got the impression that he punished bullies by fucking their mothers and forcing them into yard work…
King Harley Race was the best thing about this article, until the King Haku bit at the end.
I was bullied quite heavily in grade 9 & 10…then, one day I went all “Festus/Joseph Park” and, as Stan Hansen put it, f*cked their mothers!
The bully outweighed me by over 100lbs, but, at the hands of the ol’ Jozzman, suffered a laundry list of injuries long enough to make Brock Lesnar tentative about stepping into the Octagon with me!
That bully turned into a candy ass,, crybaby bitch faster than a Danny Davis 3 count, had me charged with assault, took me to court, and dropped out of school to avoid Round 2!!!
I grew a pair the size of Vinnie Mac’s “grapefruits” on February 13, 1999, and haven’t looked back…be a star? How about, Beat an Ass-Clown to the point of retreat, Eat his children, f*ck his mother, and laugh hysterically at his TEENY WEENER!!!
If you smelllllllllll…what JVR is cookin’!!!!
If you can do that, then great.
Not everybody can. Some people who challenge their tormentor to a fight just end up getting their asses kicked and laughed at even more.
So there needs to be a way for the people who aren’t as tough as you were to get help, JVR. Otherwise the status quo is going to continue. The status quo of teens killing themselves and/or killing other teens because they’ve been pushed past their breaking point without anybody doing anything about it other than telling them to solve their own problems.
Agreed Rob,
I could have, very conceivably, gotten my ass handed to me that day. Bullying is undeniable, and something that has affected me long term. Ya, I handled it back in the day, but all that did was turn ME into the bully. I have no regret, because that prick got what he deserved, but that doesn’t make it right.
Another classic.
Blessed by Harley Race.
And Haku at the end made me cackle.
F*cking hilarious! Greatest website ever.
Wrong but funny, or more accurately funny because it’s wrong.
Another note. I know that Haku was touted as being legit “tough”, but there’s another guy who was tough as a damn brick, but you never hear about him. Jerry Blackwell. A guy his size that could move like he weighed half as much, could punch nails through a 2X4 with his damn forehead, and competed in the World’s Strongest Man competition is not to be underestimated.
Don’t you just love the WWE’s “Don’t be a bully, now excuse me while I go beat up somebody.” campaign. And they also promoted “No name calling” week.