Someone Bought This: WWF Superstars Of The New Generation magazine

22 Submitted by on Sun, 15 February 2015, 15:00

WWF Superstars Of The New Generation Magazine

Crapper Louis Izzo writes:

Hello again from a long-time ‘Crapper. As someone who collects worthless magazines published by the WWF, it’s no surprise that for a while, they released yearly specials that is basically a reminder of what the roster is to casual fans. The series appeared to be discontinued after the 1993 issue (Superstars VIII), possibly because Vince McMahon hates when numbers get too high, making things sound too old, but here we are with the Superstars of the New Generation: Book 1 (No, there is no Book 2.)

I normally wouldn’t bat an eye at such a thing, but after the first 6 or so Superstars (Bret, Shawn, Razor, ‘Taker, Diesel…), it’s like a Wrestlecrap roll-call. Instead of actually naming the gimmick, I thought it would be much more fun to describe the character, to really hammer home the stupidity.

Deep breath…

– Bam Bam Bigelow’s attire that was stolen for Katy Perry’s 2015 Super Bowl Halftime performance (Sorry, had to get that one in there)
– A formerly unsophisticated Samoan who is “tryin’ to make a difference.”
– An evil teacher
– A washed-up has been from the mid 80’s who headlined WrestleMania 2. Did I mention this was the NEW Generation?
– A pig farmer who’s initials ironically spell HOG
– An uptight snob from Greenwich, CT
– A Race-car driver from Talladega, AL
– A UFC-wanna-be who shares a strange resemblance to a former WWF Voodoo priest
– A pirate. A PIRATE.
– Some doofus in tye-dye who plays a guitar that is designed like the old WWF logo
– Grunge rocker who quickly became a fitness enthusiast in training.
– Dustin Rhodes with black ear paint.
– A hulking, evil dentist… with bad teeth.
– Razor Ramon’s newfound Caribbean friend who shares a strange resemblance to the mysterious Ninja that disappeared from TV a week earlier.
– A guy nicknamed after a Jelly-Fish and wearing a Yellow jockstrap on his face.
– Stereotypical Jewish nerd.
– Garbage Man.
– Fat trailer trash that resembles Roseanne Barr/Arnold.
– Alternative-Lifestyle Cowboys… it’s the mustaches.
– Dumbass Clown and his midget doppelganger
– Two fat black guys dressed in Purple who used to rap about things but now hate everybody. One’s a King.
– Fitness Guru and his attractive valet.
– Crazy old man who declares running for Presidency.
– The Bushwhackers. In 1995. Sorry for breaking the “not naming the gimmick rule”, but that needs to be addressed. THE BUSHWHACKERS. IN 1995! (and this would be the end of the year, so really, a preview of 1996… with The Bushwhackers)
– Oversized Twins from the “Appalachian Mountains.”
– Finally, to round it out… Todd Pettengill.

How did this company NOT go under in 1995?

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22 Responses to "Someone Bought This: WWF Superstars Of The New Generation magazine"
  1. Vince B says:

    Aww, no Adam Bomb? Shame. Guess they made this after he left.

  2. Sean Bateman says:

    Oxford Kama! Man Mountian Rock!

  3. KatieVictoriasSecret says:

    A pirate. A PIRATE!

    I cackled. I bought these religiously in my New Generation-consuming youth, and now they’re somewhere in the attic.

  4. John C says:

    Here’s how they didn’t go out of business in 1995, WCW had the Dungeon of Doom main eventing in some fashion against Hogan.

  5. Guilty Party says:

    “Fat trailer trash that resembles Roseanne Barr/Arnold”…
    TL Hopper?

  6. Al says:

    “Some doofus in tye-dye who plays a guitar that is designed like the old WWF logo”
    Hmmmmm…..yeah, I don’t know either, dude.

  7. Guest says:

    This would be better if the someone told us who some of those curtain jerkers were instead of dismissing them with a plethora of non sequitur’s.

    Only ones I can name are Savio Vega, Men On A Mission, Aldo Montoya, Mountain Man Rock, Issac Yankem, Dean Douglas, Doink, Spark Plugg, and Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

    These are all the wrestlers I could name without going to wikipedia. And Mind you I wasn’t even into WWE that much in 95 if at all.

    • Jerm says:

      In order:

      Fatu
      Dean Douglas
      King Kong Bundy
      Henry O. Godwinn
      Hunter Hearst-Helmsley
      Bob “Spark Plugg” Holly
      “The Supreme Fighting Machine” Kama
      Jean-Pierre Lafitte
      Man Mountain Rock
      Rad Radford
      Goldust
      Issac Yankem
      Savio Vega
      “Portuguese Man-O-War” Aldo Montoya
      Barry Horowitz
      Duke “The Dumpster” Droese
      Bertha Faye
      The Smoking Gunns (Billy & Bart)
      Doink the Clown & Dink
      Men on a Mission (King Mable & Sir Mo)
      Skip & Sunny
      Mr. Bob Backlund
      The Blu Brothers (Jacob & Eli)

      It’s awful that I have trouble remember real people’s names but can recall the 1995 WWF roster off the top of my head.

  8. Doc 902714 says:

    I have this magazine and it is chock full’o’crap. But you forgot a few:

    HINTS

    A Yosemite Sam / Doc Holiday wannabe
    A fair haired former Gangster of love (then holding a stick)
    A former 80’s rocker with a sic make over into an overbearing announcer
    Half Man – Half Bull….all crap
    A Max Cady ripoff
    A tag team supposedly from the future (not seen since the likes of the new breed)
    The Worst WWF Tag Team pairing known to man (Incredibly WWE would even release a DVD with the title being name of this tag team in 2009 and would subtitle it as Wrestling’s Greatest Tag Teams but this team in particular was not even featured on the DVD)
    The only male portrayed in this magazine who would go on to become future Women’s Champion.

    • Vince B says:

      Hmm…

      A former 80’s rocker with a sic make over into an overbearing announcer – Dok Hendrix?

      Half Man, Half Bull, All Crap – Mantaur

      A Max Cady ripoff – Waylon Mercy

      A tag team supposedly from the future (not seen since the likes of the new breed) – Tekno Team 2000

      The Worst WWF Tag Team pairing known to man (Incredibly WWE would even release a DVD with the title being name of this tag team in 2009 and would subtitle it as Wrestling’s Greatest Tag Teams but this team in particular was not even featured on the DVD) – I have no idea what this is (I want to say Owen Hart and Yokozuna, but they weren’t THAT bad), but I want to find out.

      • Scrooge McSuck says:

        The Allied Powers, Luger and Davey Boy. WWE’s babyface side was so bloated, they put these two in a meaningless team.

        • Vince B says:

          Davey Boy was definitely on the losing end in that tag team…even at his roidiest, Davey could work circles around Lex Luger, especially “I don’t really give a sh*t so I’m gonna show it in every match” WWF Lex Luger.

          God, Lex Luger and Sid Vicious have got to be two of the worst workers to ever main event.

    • Scrooge McSuck says:

      I forgot how bad Stan Lane was calling the action… and that one gave me a bit of trouble.

      I forgot to mention listing the Allied Powers and the British Bulldog, as a heel, separately. I know these magazines go into production way ahead of time (the back-cover advertises IYH #5, the December card), but that means they were aware of Luger’s departure and still kept him in it.

    • Third String Point Guard says:

      Lemme see if I can Name that ‘Crap.

      – Uncle Zebekiah
      – No idea
      – Wish I knew
      – Mantaur, a.k.a. The Tank in The Truth Commission. And wasn’t he a Goldust lackey for a bit?
      – Bray W-, er…Waylon Mercy
      – Tekno Team 2000, featuring Erik Watts and his craptacular mullet and his even more craptacular dropkick
      – Uh…is this The New Rockers, a.k.a. Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy?
      – Harvey “Hervina” Wippleman

    • Doc 902714 says:

      Oops my bad! Mantaur and Tekno Team 2000 weren’t prominently featured in this magazine but there were pictures of them on Razor Ramon’s profile (vs. Mantaur) and Waylon Mercy (vs. Travis of Tekno Team 2000) Hall of Famer Mr. Fuji was on the last page.

    • King Of Kings says:

      A Yosemite Sam / Doc Holiday wannabe – Ol Uncle Zebakia aka Zeb Coulture

      A fair haired former Gangster of love (then holding a stick) – Why that sounds like Sweet Stan Lane

      A former 80’s rocker with a sic make over into an overbearing announcer – That of course is Dok Hendrix aka Michael PS Hayes aka Rosa Mendez’s favorite traveling buddy

      Half Man – Half Bull….all crap – Mantaur and yes he sucked

      A Max Cady ripoff – Ahh Waylon Mercy aka Danny Spivey

      A tag team supposedly from the future (not seen since the likes of the new breed) Erik Watts and Chad Fortune with a futuristic makeover and for some reason calling themselves Travis and Troy, yep that would be Techno Team 2000

      The Worst WWF Tag Team pairing known to man – Davey Boy Smith, and Lex Luger, why these two were even paired up together in the first place is beyond me.

      I don’t know if I should be proud or ashamed that I know all of these by heart.

  9. Mister Forth says:

    Quite a roster in this mess.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Not the best time for the company lol.

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