Since day one here at WrestleCrap.com, we’ve heard one common request over and over. I’ve heard them all: “Where’s Chucky?” “What about Chucky?” and my personal favorite, “Hey you G** D*** D*** S****** Piece of S***, what the F*** is wrong with you? If you’d get your Mother F******* head out of your ***, you’d post something on Chucky, you G** D*** moron!”
Ah yes, the joys of the mailbag. And so it is with much pleasure that I present to you, on this final update of WrestleCrap, the one you’ve all been waiting for. The one you’ve begged for. The one you’ve called me lots of dirty, nasty names for.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Chucky.
As is often the case, it all started out innocently enough. For several weeks on Nitro, there was a mysterious laugh that filled the arena. Most felt the laughing man would eventually reveal himself to be a new wrestler. Little did anyone know the horror that would follow.
Rick Steiner was out cutting another of his five star promos, when he and announcer Gene Okerlund were rudely interrupted by the howls of laughter yet again. This time, though, the mystery of who was laughing and what they were laughing about were going to be solved!
For lo and behold, upon the Turnertron screen there emerged an image of sheer horror and terror. It wasn’t a wrestler it was CHUCKY, star of the Child’s Play movies. He proceeded to cut a killer promo on our hapless duo…
…but Steiner was ready with a quick witted rebuttal of his own! That’s right, he CHALLENGED A PUPPET TO COME DOWN TO THE RING.
As a side note, did you know that ‘Steiner’, translated literally from German, means ‘he with the wit of a newt’?
Well, you do now.
Chucky didn’t let Steiner’s verbal lashing get to him. He went on to not only shill for his movie, but also explained how Rick’s brother Scott (whom Rick was feuding with) was to be the star in his next movie, and that Rick should leave Scott alone, or Chucky would get him.
Now don’t ask me how Chucky was going to do harm to our dimwitted Dogfaced Gremlin. All I know is that, in a war of wits, Rick Steiner was outpromo’ed by inanimate ragdoll.
And if that’s not WrestleCrap, folks, I don’t know what is.
Wacky, chaotic and altogether EVIL laughter
Gene Okerlund (losing credibility faster than at Survivor Series 1990): “Wait a minute – what is that?!”
More laughter…
Okerlund: “Get the dummy out of here! We’re trying to conduct an interview!”
More laughter…
Rick “World’s Dumbest Man” Steiner: “Who is that? Who the heck is that?”
Okerlund: “Shut him up, please!”
Chucky: “Hey, cueball – who you callin’ a dummy? You’re standing there with a genetic throwback who barks at the moon. I’m doing love scenes with Jennifer Tilly, and you’re calling me a dummy?”
Okerlund: “I’ll say it again…”
Steiner : “That’s right, you’re a dummy!”
Chucky: “Shut the hell up. (So that’s where Jericho got that!) I didn’t come here to talk to you anyway. I came here to talk to that idiot standing next to you…”
Steiner: “Get your raggedy rear end down here, if you got something to say to me!!!”
Chucky: “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Ricky?”
Chucky: “I’m here to tell everyone that if they want to see a pro at work, they should go an see my new movie, ‘Bride of Chucky’, opening October 16.”
Chucky: “And I want to give you some advice, Ricky – don’t mess with Scott! You see, what I really want to do is direct, and Scott’s the lead in my next project. So if you mess with Scott, you’re messing with me and my Academy Award!”