WrestleCrap Power Crappings, Week III

12 Submitted by on Fri, 01 February 2013, 13:00

Once again, WrestleCrap is back with its brand new, weekly interaction, in which Our Loyal Crappers decide what the worst in wrestling was for the past week. They can choose gimmicks, storylines, news stories, or anything else that constitutes “Crap”, and the votes are tallied in order to determine the WORST in wrestling…..at least for this week!

1. Tensai in Lingerie (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Silly running gag that nobody wanted to see, made up for only by Matt Bloom’s I’m-a-good-sport dance routine.

2. Internet overreacts to CM Punk losing WWE Title (Last week: Not Ranked)

CM Punk gets a nice payday for headlining with a megastar. When Punk’s able to retire, none of those cries of BS from his fans will mean much. Actually, they don’t now.

3. John Cena wins the Royal Rumble (Not Ranked)

So the march begins toward the inevitable Rock-Cena II: You Only Live Twice. As much as I loved Sunday’s show, Cena’s more stale than a can of Billy Beer these days.

4. The Miz as a Babyface (Last Week: 5)

It’s the only thing ranked in all 3 lists so far, and it’s been Top 5 each time. If Antonio Cesaro revokes Miz’s citizenship, he would be Switzerland’s greatest hero since the hot chocolate girl.

5. WWE cancels Are You Serious? (Last Week: Not Ranked)

The comedic stylings of Road Dogg, Josh Mathews, and Puppet H were killed off after a year. Sorry, guys, but RD’s throne wasn’t yours for the taking.

6. Jeff Hardy falsely advertised for TNA UK Tour (Last Week: Not Ranked)

TNA’s World Champion has travel restrictions due to his past legal issues, but that didn’t stop his employer from promoting his presence for TNA’s Impact tapings across the sea.

7. Great Khali sings Karaoke (Last Week: Not Ranked)

If Raw was 2 hours, we wouldn’t have to shoehorn this garbage in. What am I talking about; they’d have cut Orton/Cesaro and Sheamus/Sandow to make room.

8. PWInsider charges fans for speculative information (Last Week: Not Ranked)

A little uproar occurred when the site’s Elite section (which is for subscribers) declared Carlito and Shelton Benjamin as confirmed Rumble entrants. Ooops.

9. Taz invokes “Higher Power” for Aces & Eights (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Maybe it’s just a bad word choice, but we longtime fans never wanna hear “higher power” in conjunction with any stable. Ever.

10. Intercontinental Cup abruptly cancelled (Last Week: Not Ranked)

A tournament to decide a new challenger for Wade Barrett was announced, and then quickly scrapped. The secondary champion has far better things to do, like lose to main eventers in non-title matches.

11. Divas Lumberjill Showgirls Match (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Far be it from me to criticize scantily clad women, but when you only have six left to serve as lumberjills, and the match sucks to boot, it doesn’t speak highly of your Divas division.

12. Tony Dawson (Last Week: Not Ranked)

NXT’s announcer gets a lot of negative rap, proving that Michael Cole isn’t the worst announcer to largely replace Jim Ross.

13. Tammy Sytch arrested for 6th time in 4 months (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Sunny making drug and alcohol jokes about Jake Roberts at the 1996 Survivor Series continues to remain chock full of irony.

14. The Rock wins the WWE Championship (Last Week: Not Ranked)

For the eighth time, The Great One stands atop the WWE heap, to the chagrin of some folks who hate seeing a part-timer unseat Punk.

15. John Cena’s 1/21 Raw promo (Last Week: 1)

The only holdover from last week, besides Miz, lingered in stench just enough that it got some vote consideration. That’s one awful promo.




Written by

Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
12 Responses to "WrestleCrap Power Crappings, Week III"
  1. Down With OPC says:

    I’m surprised nothing with Del Rio had been nominated (i.e. duct tape).

  2. Brian E says:

    I can pretty much agree with the rankings. They were all pretty bad (Especially Karaoke Khali: NOT worth the time it consumes), and Tensai in lingerie is something we should never, EVER see anywhere. I had thought teaming with X-Pac or Scotty 2 Hotty was the low point of Matt Bloom’s career…I was wrong.

  3. Jay "The Brain" Mann says:

    I enjoyed Tensai in lingerie for the sheer absurdity of it.

  4. Bill Richy says:

    As stupid as this lingerie thing with Tensai is, at least it gives him the chance to show a little personality and potentially get over with the fans, since his serious monster character just wasn’t clicking, no matter how hard JBL put over his accomplishments in Japan.

    However, the segment did contain one of my biggest pet peeves in all of wrestling – I absolutely cannot stand it whenever a wrestler is forced to wear something embarrassing or is stripped down to their underwear, and they just stand there feebly trying to cover themselves up with their arms. All Tensai had to do was tear off the lingerie and he’d be standing there in his normal wrestling gear, a.k.a. the outfit (skimpier than the lingerie, btw) that he wears in front of thousands of people on a nightly basis.

    • Jay "The Brain" Mann says:

      I think he was trying to hide the fact that he was wearing lingerie to make him feel less embarrassed.

      I seriously don’t think it was the worst thing of the week, however.

  5. JR says:

    Funny how Extreme Rising begging fans to give them money to get on TV isn’t on this list

    • PlanBFromOuterSpace says:

      Did you see the video for that? If they don’t reach their goal, “YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGE NOTHING”! Apparently, they need to hire their own production people so that they can stop outsourcing to the Philippines.

  6. Alan says:

    I thought Tensai in lingerie was hilarious. Cena’s promo from 2 weeks ago was horrible. As far as these sites like PWInsider charging for “insider information”, shame on them for reporting false stories.

  7. Noel Frey says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who despises Tony Dawson. What the hell was wrong with Byron Saxton? He was great! Now Dawson is showing up on Superstars, which makes me want to watch it on mute. Now, to vent my frustration, I’m going to post some of Dawson’s commentary. Let the healing begin.
    Dawson: “He’s got him in, in some kind of move there, what would you call that?” (a side headlock)
    Regal: “Tony, if I have to tell you that, you shouldn’t be sitting here.”

    “Both of these men…………………ARE GASSED!”

    Moments before a hot tag:
    No shit, its the fucking hot tag! Don’t point that shit out!

    First pin attempt in any match:
    “So-and-so FOR THE WIN! NO! TWO COUNT!!”

    “For the cover!”
    “For the pin!”
    I feel a little bit better now, although if he shows up on Saturday Morning Slam I’m gonna be PISSED.

  8. Dan Sheldon says:

    To be fair to PWInsider, I’ve been an elite member for quite a few years now and 99% of the time they are right on with their news stories. I can forgive them for this mistake.

  9. Paul R. from Spook Central: The Ghostbusters Companion says:

    I agree with #1. I don’t particularly care to see him in lingerie, but his dancing was awesome. He’s some kind of Hip Hop Hippo, that Matt Bloom is. It also shows he has a sense of humor about himself.

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