Induction: Scotty Goldman – He’s Jewish

12 Submitted by on Thu, 02 December 2021, 21:16

WWE, 2008-2009

Colt Cabana is known as a lot of things: indy wrestling veteran, NWA champion, Dark Order member, lawsuit plaintiff. But one thing he’s not typically known as is “WWE Superstar”. And yet, for a span of six months, Cabana graced WWE rings (if only for a minute or so at a time).

He wasn’t called Colt Cabana, though. Nor did he go by his legal name of Scott Colton, as that had been done to death in WWE already.

Debuting as Scotty Goldman in August 2008, Cabana entered the ring to a generic rock theme and lost to The Brian Kendrick in two and a half minutes.

It would be the last time he would get in any offense to speak of. Still, Goldman made the most of his ring time, felling Kendrick with this move that he didn’t call The Rear View.

“Holy gluteus maximus!” said Tazz.

Goldman would soon team with Funaki in a squash against Vladimir Kozlov, lose another squash in a minute to the Great Khali, and get eliminated from a battle royal…

…before disappearing off television for months. A few months after CM Punk reminded viewers of Goldman’s existence at the Slammy Awards…

…Scotty returned to TV to got chucked out of another battle royal… 

…before getting demolished by Umaga in a match that aired hours after Goldman’s release.

All Smackdown viewers knew about Goldman was that the guy was a comedian (“Guy’s a comedian, huh?” said Tazz). On TV, the only thing that really separated the Scotty Goldman character from the usual Colt “Boom Boom” Cabana character was this “Scotty Goldman” patch ironed onto his singlet.

That, and he always lost. But away from Smackdown, Goldman had a web show. Boy, did he ever have a web show.

See, when WWE brought Colt Cabana to the main roster with no ideas for his character, Colt mentioned to Creative that he was Jewish. When Cabana subsequently clarified to Vince that he wasn’t some kind of “Super Jew” (Exhibit A: He called Israel a town), it made McMahon chuckle. 

For the record, it’s rarely a good idea to tell Vince McMahon about your heritage.

Now, Vince could sum up Colt in two words: funny, Jewish.

“Funny” would explain putting Colt in cutaway promos in his first few weeks on television. “Jewish” would explain the name Goldman and… well, just read this description from WWE.com about his web show.

If that screenshot didn’t load for you, all you really need to know is that when promoting Scotty Goldman’s original series, the editor said “schmeer” twice.

Imagine Vince McMahon accidentally released himself in the next wave of WWE talent cuts. Or maybe he got three Wellness strikes. Anyway, let’s say he wound up in AEW. And let’s say Tony Khan saw the name, “McMahon” and thought, “Catholic!” And thus we’d see unbelievably insulting press releases like this:

AEW Dark’s newest commentator, Vince McMahon, covers AEW in his new Youtube series like tartar sauce covers a Filet-o-Fish at a Friday night Bingo game – with bite. ‘What’s Crackin’ with Vince McMahon’ premieres today as AEW’s newest ‘Lenten’ series, featuring the titular McMahon confessing about recent happenings in WWE. Some of this announcer’s Eucharist-flavored musings are sly, some are caustic and some are downright papal bull irreverent enough to make a priest blush. Ave Maria! To see what St. Vince is feeling guilty about this week, watch AEW’s latest Youtube series, ‘What’s Crackin’ with Vince McMahon.’ Bless you.

Or better yet, substitute in Joey Styles. After all, he was the one overseeing WWE.com. 

He wipes his hand because Colt’s Jewish.

Every week for the last six or so weeks of his WWE tenure, Colt Cabana himself would write two-to-three minute skits full of offbeat humor you wouldn’t find on WWE television (which isn’t to say that it was necessarily funny)…

…and film them in front of a green screen. But from there, it was up to WWE’s web team to punch them up a bit. In the case of “What’s Crackin”, that meant “Jewish” noises of “eh” and “oy” dubbed in every ten seconds…

…plus a ubiquitous Fiddler On The Roof-style soundtrack and a theme song tagged “Jewish” on a stock music website.

And like Homer Simpson editing a dating video, every wipe on “What’s Crackin'” was a star wipe. In this case, it was a Star of David wipe. Thus, half a dozen times per episode, Scotty Goldman got swallowed up by an Israeli flag, a visual effect coupled every single time with a sound bite of Family Guy’s Mort Goldman (no relation).

Leave it to WWE to take one of the most successful indy wrestlers of the past twenty years and turn him into a less-successful Barry Horowitz. Let’s just make one thing clear: when it comes to wrestling or television or even just real life, stereotypes aren’t kosher…

…unlike “What’s Crackin’ with Scotty Goldman”, according to WWE’s press release.

Written by

A wrestling fan ever since the days of Wrestlemania IX, Art graduated from college in the same building where Art Donovan called King of the Ring 1994. He also runs the "How Much Does This Guy Weigh?" blog, where he reviews New Generation-Era Monday Night Raws. Follow him on Twitter @Art0Donnell. Email at: art@wrestlecrap.com
12 Responses to "Induction: Scotty Goldman – He’s Jewish"
  1. Seymour P. Hugandkiss says:

    I’m not sure who’s currently in charge of Raw or if Vince has generally just delegated more authority over to Triple H, but I’m grateful as three of the last four WWE champions (Scottish Drew McIntyre and black Americans Lashley and Big E) would probably have been hamstrung by equally stupid demographic-obsessed booking. It’s fine to use race and religion as part of a gimmick, but not if it’s literally just an excuse for lame references and desperately overused slang terms like this. Poor Colt. I wonder why they never tried this with Goldberg? XD

  2. The House says:

    They at least could have licensed Weird Al’s “Pretty Fly For A Rabbi” for Scotty’s web series.

  3. Tony says:

    Gefilte fish.

  4. CF says:

    If I may be permitted a small pun: Jee-zus….

  5. Sean Bateman says:

    Colt is gold, man

  6. Brad says:

    They didn’t do it with goldberg cause he would of killed off wwe. Like literally killed them all. You see goldberg you see killing machine. You see colt cabana you see your best friend who funny and can wrestle.

  7. Rodolfo Rodríguez says:

    This reminded me of Becky Lynch’s debut on NXT, flaunting her irish-ness all over the place. I think you guys inducted that as well.

  8. Doc 902714 says:

    OY VEY!!!

  9. Christopher Haydu says:

    If they made Needles the Tailor his manager, this would’ve been gold.

  10. Nicholas DeLarge says:

    Bobby Heenan pointed out that one of the many ways they dropped the ball on (Bill) Goldberg was that wrestling had never really had a Jewish ethnic babyface champion. There’s been every other ethnicity (even Hulk Hogan originally got that name because Vince Sr. wanted to make him an Irish ethnic babyface). Every time they’ve explicitly tried to do “Jewish babyface” instead of just letting it happen, we get… this crap.

  11. Nicholas DeLarge says:

    I will say, though, that The Mighty Maccabee is over with me.

  12. TimeLordSoundwave says:

    My girlfriend and I met Colt Cabana at an indy show and she got him to sign the Scotty Goldman entry in her copy of the WWE Encyclopedia.

    He even signed it “Scotty Goldman”!

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