Over the years, at times, I’ve felt as though I’m running out of material on this here site. Generally when I feel that way, I then get a flood of requests for things I either a) never saw; b) don’t remember; or more often c) saw, thought “Man that was atrocious and I never ever ever want to even think about it again.” Around Christmas time is when it gets really tough: while there are no shortage of bad yuletide flicks to blast for the annual non-wrestling induction, actual in-ring Christmas absurdity is much harder to come by. There’s only one Xanta Klaus, you know!
But then…then I see the image up above, and all is right with the world.
God bless you, ODB.
God bless you in your goofy hat with pointy elf ears, and God bless your flask covered in wrapping paper.
You, dear girl, make the season right, even on a show that featured yet another train wreck, the Silent Night, Bloody Night Match, which we inducted a couple years back (and which is now up in the Classic Crap section). One day, if I’m feeling particularly rambuncitous, I may even induct the bit on the show where AJ Styles had to dress up like a reindeer.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves! Instead, let’s focus on the buffoonery before us, namely the first ever Santa’s Workshop Knockout Street Fight Match.
And if that doesn’t sound festive, I don’t know what does!
So yeah, let’s see who’s participating in these festivities. Natch, we’ve got ODB, and as should be the case, she is the first to be introduced.
I know I’ve mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: this woman is fantastic in every conceivable way, because I totally believe this is how she acts in real life.
I mean, seriously, that image right there tells you all you need to know.
And I don’t care that I used it in last year’s Santa Buddies induction.
How can this woman not be the face of not just TNA, not just WWE, but of all televised entertainment?
Yeah, I don’t know either, dude.
Nice hat by the way.
Up next we get Roxxi Laveux. Remember her? The voodoo chick who wiggled and wormed all over the place? That was all kinds of awful. If you ever wanted to send me hate mail for being a slacker, “No Roxxi Laveaux induction? You suck, Deal!” would be an appropriate subject line.
I should also note that Mike Tenay informs us she’s carrying a voodoo doll of Frosty the Snowman.I’m really glad he explained it, because in the horrible lighting, I thought for sure it was a dildo.
A voodoo dildo.
Yeah, I don’t know what that would be either, but I pity the poor vagina (or umm “other” body cavity) that it would curse.
Then we get Ms. Jackie Moore, (apparently known at the time of the match as the “Pride of Tennessee”, which is right up there with “The Big Nasty” on the list of shortest-lived nicknames in pro wrestling history)…
…Christy Hemme in Super Skank and Hot Yet Not Easy on the Eyes mode…
…and Traci Brooks, who stops to kiss some dork on the way to the ring.
Said dork celebrates this by giving a thumbs up.
A THUMBS UP!
Maybe I’m just not a romantic, but I’ve never reacted to a kiss in such a manner.
Awesome Kong shows up next…
…followed by Angelina Love, who is apparently laughing at Velvet Sky’s “Look at me, I’m a blow up doll” facial.
Can’t blame her – that is pretty funny.
Finally, we get Gail Kim, who was at the time involved in a killer feud with Kong at the time. In fact, it was so great, I cannot fathom that TNA actually put these two in such a low rent match like this.
Apparently, they couldn’t fathom it either, as both immediately jumped out of the ring and brawled to the back.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the ring apron is promoting something called “The History of TNA, Year 1”. Granted, I’m no historian, but I remember the early days of this company, and believe me, that’s not something I would entire anyone to buy.
Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often).
Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!