INDUCTION: The Kiss That Never Happened – An Awesome Angle Disappeared Like a Ghost on All Hallow’s Eve!

49 Submitted by on Thu, 30 October 2014, 20:00

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WWE, 2002

By golly, is Halloween really this Friday???  How the heck did it sneak up on me like this?  Surely having my gall bladder removed and being laid out the past ten days didn’t have anything to do with it, right?  Eh, whatever the reason, Halloween is nearly here!  And as we are want to do ’round these parts, we like to hunt down something to celebrate the holiday.

Fortunately, pro wrestling has long been a treasure trove of October 31 crap.  I mean, WCW used to have an annual event proclaiming their love for it in the form of Halloween Havoc, and it was not at all uncommon you’d get craptacular moments there like Chamber of Horrors and phony Stings (all of which you can read about in the WrestleCrap archives, available here).  While WWE hasn’t gone that far, it generally does supply us with a goofy match here or the Divas dressing up like Little Bo Peep or whatever.  With that in mind, I decided to go back to look for an old Raw or SmackDown that took place on Halloween itself, and found one in 2002.  Why that’s a scant twelve years ago!

Anyone else feel like going as Methuselah this year?

As I started to go through it, I realized that this episode had not only absurd costumes that I was looking for, but something far more grievous…one of those inductions I’ve always kicked around doing, but never did for whatever reason.  But hey, this being Halloween week, why not?

This being the tail end of the legendary Attitude era, we were getting what we generally got any time a holiday was on the calendar: a big fat PARTAY!  I remember inducting a WWE Christmas hootenanny from around this era (which you can read about here), and it was a wretched hive of scum and villainy.  And booze.  Lots and lots of booze!

Time for costume call outs!

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Ron Simmons shows up as a pimp with a completely random bear in the background looking on!

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Eddie Guerrero is here as Zorro, while Chavo shows up sporting not only a sombrero, but with one hand holding a tequila bottle while the other is shaking a maraca.  I guess if you’re going to go stereotype, you may as well blatantly double fist it!

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Shannon Moore is here as the devil while Tajiri is John Travolta who is sporting an afro for some reason.  I must have missed the part of Saturday Night Fever where Barbarino stepped in for a scene!

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Dawn Marie his the scene as the obligatory sexy cop while her date, the erstwhile and not yet deceased Al Wilson, is the Fonz!

Sit on it, cross dressing weirdo I don’t know in front of Dawn!

Ayyyyyy!!!

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Mae Young is Marilyn Monroe, while Moolah repurposes one of her moth-infested old wrestling outfits to become Jungle Girl!

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Billy Kidman is the Phantom of the Opera as Chuck Palumbo shows up as an injun…

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…while Torrie Wilson shows up as a french maid yielding a sword!

The more I see of this party, it’s like Vince just gave some intern $10,000 to buy out a Halloween store and then threw everything the guy brought back onto a table backstage.  He then proceed to tell everyone they had 5 seconds to grab whatever they could, with the proviso being that you had to wear whatever wound up in your hands.

Not to sound conceited, but these shows are far more entertaining when I come up with my own story lines.

But the highlight has to be John Cena showing up as, yes…

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VANILLA ICE!

And he RAPS for your pleasure as well!

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The wicked witch of the north shows up wearing an outfit that can only be described as breastacular.  And of course, everyone on the roster has to stop in their tracks and gawk at her smoldering nuclear lick your lips and smack your fanny hotness.

ktnh21This with Torrie Wilson, Dawn Marie, and several others in the room. Whatever, you own the company, go ahead and write yourself as the sexiest woman alive.  Especially when it’s Halloween; after all, that’s when people pretend to be folks they aren’t.

Hey, that was pretty good.

Where’s Emma Stone when I need her?

Oh, there she is.  Thanks, Gwen Stacy!

So yeah, even Vanilla John Cena can’t fathom how blazingly beautimus her royal Stephness is.  He finally summons up the courage to rap with her, but she’s not hip to his lingo in a dialogue exchange for the ages.

Flustered, John Cena, again, yes, THAT John Cena, hangs his head in shame, knowing he’ll never find anyone that hot ever again.  (Untrue.)

Having sufficiently shot down the man who would be atop her company for the next 12 years, Steph sultrily slinks back to her office and finds…

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…her father, Vince McMahon!

Again, if I were writing my own storyline, he’d take off his mask to reveal himself to be Vince McMahon.  Sadly, that doesn’t happen as instead we get…

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…Eric Bischoff!

While Vince would have been better, I do have to ask…what was it with Bischoff’s mask fetish?

Remember this?

No WrestleCrap there; THAT was awesome.  Even the goofs in the Mystery Mobile didn’t see that one coming.

I digress.  So Eric and Steph bicker a bit, which leads to her throwing a haymaker at Easy E. But he blocks it, and goes in for a big ol’ smoocheroo!

And by George, Stephers liked it!!!!

Until they both realized what they’d done!

Emotions are ROLLING here, and it is FANTASTIC.

What has happened here?

What have we done?

What will Vince say?

What with HuntOr say?

What on earth have we done?

For all I mock her, I will say that Steph was awesome in the aftermath of this; she looked equal parts humiliated, aroused, and knowing that she was in some deep, DEEP trouble.  Bischoff was really good too, but give the devil her due.  This was arguably her best work.

Especially at the end where her emotions settled on being a blow up doll.

For once, I couldn’t WAIT to see what happened next.  This was an atomic explosion waiting to go off, and it was going to happen all for our amusement on WWE television.

So of course, nothing happened.

And when I say nothing, I mean literally NOTHING.  The writing team was told to pretend that this scene never took place and it was dropped without ever being referenced again.

Eh, at least they’ll always have that kiss.

It’s more than poor John Cena ever got.

 

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Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!
49 Responses to "INDUCTION: The Kiss That Never Happened – An Awesome Angle Disappeared Like a Ghost on All Hallow’s Eve!"
  1. WrestleTrekker says:

    John Cena’s Vanilla Ice Impersonation is a better rapper than Vanilla Ice.

  2. Andre R. says:

    Great. Another abruptly aborted angle. I wonder why you guys didn’t include it in the Most Memorable Unconcluded Storylines section in The Book Of Lists. Was it because it wasn’t really a storyline to begin with? Maybe so! Oh well.

  3. bard says:

    All I can see in the Cena Gif is an alcoholic dwarf dressed as a crash test dummy.

  4. Preparation Triple H says:

    Ron Simmons as a pimp? DAMN.

  5. RD Reynolds says:

    The more I listen to Cena rap in this induction, the less I understand how that saved his career. He was on the bubble when Steph heard him do that and thought it was great. Life sure is weird sometimes.

    • Jinx says:

      I always imagined Steph was in a bad mood when that happened. See, in my imagined scenario this is what happened:

      Stephanie has been hearing tell of Cena’s rapping and how incredibly atrocious it is but has never been around to hear it and wrote it off people just making crap up. So come that one fateful day… she’s in a bad mood and she finally hears him rapping in the background. She calls him over to her and says “Rap…rap about…tuna fish” and proceeds to have her bad mood evaporate because his rapping is exactly as bad as everyone says it was and this is what saved his career.

      Of course most likely never happened that version since she really did like his impromptu rap about tuna fish…but yeah, you can’t take away my imaginary scenario from me hehe.

    • Down With OPC says:

      Steph thought it was great. Steph did. That’s your explanation.

    • Grub says:

      To be fair though, Cena had done almost nothing in months. He’d started off well with an impressive debut match against Angle then hadn’t shown any real charisma or been involved in any angles. I guess they just figured having him do something that wasn’t really a thing was enough to keep him around and see what he could do with it. I doubt anybody expected him to take off with the audience as he did. That’s one thing people tend to forget about Cena, he may have been shoved on us since getting into the main event, but it was the white hot reactions he got from the live audiences for his amusing heel/tweener rapping gimmick that made WWE give him such a push in the first place. I miss that Cena.

      • Al Lobama says:

        Don’t forget Cena got put in a mini-program with Chris Jericho that saw Cena get his first big win on PPV. Cena was also positioned as one of the new top babyfaces on Smackdown after Jericho and the UnAmericans defected to Raw, only for creative to change their plans on a whim and turn Cena heel. And who did he turn heel on? Billy freakin’ Kidman! Now that is WAY more surprising than the Vanilla Ice thing!

  6. Jones says:

    And i thought eddie dressed as repo man at first..

  7. ducky says:

    why cena wearing james brown stuff ?

  8. Sir Thomas says:

    I love how at the end of the clip of the Cena rap, you can hear someone yell “THAT WAS TERRIBLE!”.

  9. Matt DiBari says:

    I think they actually did reference it three years later at Bischoff’s trial. Stephanie said something horrifyingly creepy like “Eric impersonated my father and had his way with me”

  10. John C says:

    Gall bladder huh, maybe you should watch the awesome Flesh for Frankenstein to know what to do with the gall bladder. If only Cena had a mustache he would have made a great Sleazy P. Martini.

  11. Patrick O. says:

    I think the referenced this in the trial of Eric Bischoff in 2005. Stephanie testified against Bisch and played the kiss as evidence and Mr. McMahon was the judge. I think it’s a rare case of continuity.

  12. Rose Harmon says:

    I remember this! That could have been a really cool storyline. Does anyone know what they had planned?

  13. CP says:

    To be fair, Nips might have been at just about the peak of her hotness (minus the Fran Drescher without the accent voice she has) in ’02 and through good parts of ’03. Nowadays? It’s clear the years haven’t been kind to her. (She was only 26 back then? Where the hell have I been?)

  14. Adam Clark says:

    We always have to remember that this segment was where the character John Cena plays today got it’s start. I’ve never forgotten this episode.

    And dear god…I hate Stephanie McMahon…but those knockers are magnificent.

  15. Rick says:

    Uh, the kiss *was* referenced again. I definately remember it being mentioned at ‘The Trial of Eric Bischoff’

  16. Grub says:

    So what was the point of this? They filmed an angle then had to explicitly say backstage that it should never be mentioned again? What was that meant to accomplish? WCW did some stupid crap like burying guys and gimmicks that were getting good ratings, but I don’t remember them ever starting an angle potentially this lucrative then doing literally nothing with it afterwards and going out of their way to pretend it never happened. The closest I can think of is ‘Rap is Crap’.

  17. King of Kings says:

    During this time Steph and Eric were sort of feuding with each other trying to one up the other making their brand superior over the other although I have to agree this little segment was a total head scratcher. Not all segments are going to make any sense unfortunately. Remember this is the same company that brought us Mae Young giving birth to body parts and Triple H screwing Manequins. Shudder

  18. James says:

    If we knew then what we “know” now, it would be funnier if Eric had a Macho Man mask.

  19. Captain Ron says:

    Tito Santana also went as Zorro during the first Halloween Saturday Night’s Main Event. Poor Eddie must’ve been forced to take the hand-me-down. I’m assuming that Chavo’s sombrero was the infamous “Sombrero on a Pole” that Vince acquired when he purchased all of WCW’s, er, assets.

    • Drew says:

      I noticed that Zorro managed to lift his mask to get a better look at Steph’s hooters. And I’ll betcha that Chavo could’ve tossed that sombrero on Zorro’s pole about then, too.

    • Al Lobama says:

      Chavo could have borrowed his outfit from his Uncle Hector, who did a heel bandito gimmick in CWA Memphis where he poked fun of the awful Latino stereotypes by becoming the embodiment of them. I remember he did this great sement (it may be on Youtube) where he brought out a pinata that rained down garbage on top of Dave Brown when he cracked it open!

  20. Anonymous says:

    So…who IS that person in front of Dawn Marie and Al Wilson? Looks like a darker-skinned Jamie Noble.

  21. MWeyer says:

    You have to wonder how vastly different WWE would be today had Cena gone with just about any other costume that Halloween….

  22. Anonymous says:

    It blows me away how THIS was the moment that made John Cena’s career.

    • Al Lobama says:

      Amazingly enough, professional wrestling is full of moments like this.

      The Steve Austin promo about Shane Helms’s Green Lantern tatoo is what made the career of the Hurricane.

      The Five Second Pose is what made Edge and Christian’s respective careers.

      Calling Stephanie McMahon a hobag for the first time is what made Chris Jericho’s WWE career.

      The debut of Mr. Socko is what made Mick Foley’s career as a WWE Main Eventer.

      Opportunity takes on many shapes and sizes.

      • Nah says:

        “Calling Stephanie McMahon a hobag for the first time is what made Chris Jericho’s WWE career.”

        Wow. Somebody needs to go back and watch Jericho’s career. To distill it to that, to say that it was him insulting Stephanie that made him – haven’t the McMahon’s enough without giving them that too?

  23. Brian Henegar says:

    Hey Deal, great induction, as per usual. In all seriousness, though. Are you okay? I hope there’s no serious health issues with you right now,

    • RD Reynolds says:

      I am fine, yeah. It was a standard procedure, just taking a bit more time to recover than what I was expecting. Of course, since I was expecting 24 hours, and they were saying 1-3 weeks, that is isn’t surprising.

  24. Thomas Moffatt says:

    You do realise that you could have used a shot of Man Mountain Rock in the induction? It was SCREAMING out for a shot of MMR! Shame on you Wrestlecrap…

  25. John C says:

    It takes a lot of gall for someone to insult Wrestlecrap.

  26. Mister Forth says:

    Now whom decided this angle needed to be HHHalted.

  27. Al Lobama says:

    I’m kind of surprised there was no mention of the Brother Love cameo, or Matt Hardy Version 1.0 crashing the party dressed as……Matt Hardy Version 1.0, complete with a boom box that played his own theme music so he could make a proper entrance!

  28. Idi 'Big Daddy' Amin says:

    I think I know why this was never referenced until Bischoff’s trial.

    It’s your typical office party angle. Two people hook up in a back office, stationery cupboard etc. Afterward, they realise what they’ve done, and agree that word of it can never get out. Bisch and Steph had the same unspoken agreement.

    Apart from, y’know, a TV audience of millions seeing it on TV.

  29. Dan says:

    I can only assume that Triple H got them to never follow up on it. More than once they seemed to be setting up some kind of ramance for Steph with someone besides Triple H, then it always abruptly died.

    I try not to be too much of a conspiracy theorist, but hard to believe since Stephanie was clearly willing to do one that Triple H didn’t have something to do with keeping it from looking to the fans like someone besides HIM might have Stephanie. Which is insanely insecure if so and stupid because it isn’t like fans today (and for the most part always) don’t know this is scripted. No one was going to think they were REALLY an item, and even fewer people were going to care.

    • Dan says:

      Although I got to say, from what I remember John Cena started the rapper gimmick that laid the course for him becoming what he is now, shortly after this episode. So I got to believe that this was what inspired someone to come up with that. Which slowly led to the Cena we all know now.

      Think about it… if not for this episode, Cean may not have become the “main man” he is now.

      I just gave smart fans a new reason to have this episode.

      • Krendall says:

        It doesn’t make me hate this episode because I loved Cena’s “Doctor of Thuganomics” character. It’s the ultra-babayface he became after it that bores me.

  30. George says:

    Steph is sexy and hot indeed. OOO BURN!

  31. Krendall says:

    I’m pretty sure Ron Simmons’ pimp is supposed to be Huggy Bear from “Starsky & Hutch.” That’s why he has a Teddy bear with him. He brought a literal hugable bear.

    I’m also pretty sure Torrie Wilson is supposed to be a Valkyrie, though she’s missing her helmet for some reason.

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