INDUCTION: Sabrina the Teenage Witch vs….BILLY GUNN? It’s MAGICAL!

39 Submitted by on Thu, 18 February 2016, 20:00

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ABC/WB Sitcom, 2000

My neighbor looks like Melissa Joan Hart.

No, really, she does.  Well, at least I think at some level she kinda sorta almost looks like Melissa Joan Hart.

When my at the time new neighbors first moved into the house across the street from me about ten years ago, no joke I went to Mrs. Deal and asked politely, “Do you know if Melissa Joan Hart has hit the skids recently?  Is it possible she would thus be reduced to living in suburban Indianapolis?  If so, that explains our new neighbors.”  Mrs. Deal, as she is want to do, simply shook her head at me.

But then a funny thing happened.  After meeting the folks next door, my lovely wife came back to me and said, “Ok, she doesn’t really look like Melissa Joan Hart, but yes, I can somewhat see where someone could mistake them for like third cousins or something.”

Correction, then: My neighbor looks like Melissa Joan Hart’s third cousin.

Anyway, I’ve always liked MJH.  She seems like an a-ok cat to me, and rumor is she even likes pro wrestling for some reason, probably the same reason we all like it and yet explaining it escapes us.  Anyway, she’s been in a lot of wacky goofball flicks I’ve enjoyed, ranging from My Fake Fiance to the perennial yuletide classic Holiday in Handcuffs, wherein we learn it is ok to kidnap people so long as you need them to impress the family at Christmas dinner.

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All of these pale in comparison though to my ultimate guilty pleasure: Sabrina: The Teenage Witch.  Not so much that I bought the PlayStation game above, but enough that I do now want to at least hop on YouTube after I get done writing this induction to see if someone has done a speed run on it.  I am in earnest when I say I absolutely freaking love this ridiculous show with all my heart.  Recently Mrs. Deal and I have been binge watching it, and so it is not uncommon the last image I have before drifting off to dreamland is a the titular teenage witch conversing with an absurdly animatronic talking cat.  I find it very relaxing after a stressful day to watch something incredibly light before bed and since I’m nearly through my binge of Batman 66 and can’t find The Nanny anywhere on Hulu or Netflix, my pre-snooze snackery consists of Sabrina, Harvey, Salem, and the rest of the gang.

I had made this confession quite some time ago on Facebook.  For those of you looking for me on Twitter, yeah, I am there, but I’m more of a Facebook guy, posting on there quite often.  I had gone off on a Sabrina thread a while back, and someone immediately shot back, “You do know there was an episode with Billy Gunn on there, right?”

Why no, no I did not.

But I do now…and now you get the induction of said affair!

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A bit of explanation for those Sabrina noobs out there: Sabrina Spellman (get it? SPELLman?) is your average high school kid except she has magical, witchy powers.  She lives with her two aunts, Hilda and Zelda, as well as Salem, who, according to Hulu’s description, “is a mischievous warlock doing penance as a black cat.”

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That write up is so grand I will forgive Hulu’s absurd graphic for the show, which appears to feature three blonde women who look less like Melissa Joan Hart than my neighbor does.  Anyway, the cat is arguably the highlight of the show – it’s basically a stuffed cat with the ability to move its head, talk, blink, and do other random zaniness.

If you’ve never seen a cat write with a pencil before, you’ve never watched Sabrina.

And now a WrestleCrap fun fact about our friend Salem: he was voiced by Nick Bakay, the same guy who was the narrator in the forever ago inducted Exposed! Pro Wrestling’s Greatest Secrets Revealed!  You might remember him from such lines as “She’s a Stunt Granny” and “How’s that for piledriving Miss Daisy?”  If ever we decide to open a celebrity wing in the WrestleCrap hall of fame, Nick Bakay would be a fine choice as a first inductee.

Today’s episode of Sabrina is from the fourth season (it’s on Hulu if you’d like to check it out) and focuses on the fact that Salem has a daughter who is about to get married.  You may ask how a cat would get married, but soon you will learn that his daughter is not a feline but rather “Weird Al’s” love interest from UHF…

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…VICTORIA JACKSON!

That’s the other great thing about this show – we get random wacky guest stars from the era ALL. THE. TIME.

You want Britney Spears? Ru Paul? Jerry Springer? N Sync? Paula Abduhl? Coolio?  DICK VAN FREAKIN’ DYKE?

You got it you got it you got it.

sbg-05As the wedding approaches, naturally problems arise – the aunts don’t have dates, Salem’s daughter doesn’t have a maid of honor, and Salem is…well, he’s a cat, so he can’t walk his daughter down the aisle or do the first dance.  The biggest issue, of course, is that the wedding is going to take place in “the other realm”…which means wacky magic aplenty awaits!

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So the aunts conjure up dates in the form of Leif Ericson and Daniel Boone (who is livid at continually being called Davey Crockett) whilst Sabrina is wearing a bizarre outfit for seemingly no other reason than wearing a bizarre outfit (another staple on the show).  Like you, I was fully expecting Billy Gunn to show up right about now as the groom, but no…

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…as the groom is actually a guy in a suit of armor.  If we get a Lanny Poffo cameo, this will be the greatest moment in television history.  As the chaplain announces it is time for the ring, Sabrina panics – she didn’t bring one.  Not to worry, notes Salem’s daughter…this is an Other Realm ceremony.

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The ring is right here!

That’s right – in an Other Realm wedding, the father of the bride wrestles the father of the groom, and the father of the bride must win to earn the right for the two to wed.  And yes, finally the star of the show is here as we get…

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…BILLY GUNN as the father of the groom!

Naturally, it wouldn’t be fair for him to wrestle a cat, so it is up to Sabrina to take on the new age other realm outlaw.

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And you can imagine how excited the poor girl is to do that.

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The match starts exactly as you’d expect, as Vince McMahon would say, “see saw match up, back and forth”, with Billy taking control early on with body slams and fist drops.  Quickly, though, Sabrina turns the tide with magic and eye rakes.  Why it’s just like one of those mixed gender matches on Lucha Underground!

Eventually, though, Billy takes control and it looks as though it’s doomsday for the wedding.  Only one thing can save the day:

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Salem the cat being thrown in Billy Gunn’s face by Daniel Boone as Leif Ericsson looks on.

You know, I just may need to retire after this induction…not sure anything I will ever write in the future could top that sentence!

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Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!
39 Responses to "INDUCTION: Sabrina the Teenage Witch vs….BILLY GUNN? It’s MAGICAL!"
  1. The Doctor of Style says:

    And sadly, this isn’t “Sabrina the Teenage Witch’s” first induction on WC (an episode with Chyna being the first!)

    In that induction, Art said “Sabrina” was a mediocre series—a claim that must cause some tension at wrestlecrap HQ!

    • Perky says:

      I doubt it, I think RD knows the show is stupid, but it’s one of those shows that’s enjoyably stupid because at least it was reasonably creative and had some memorable characters as well as a defined tone.

  2. Casey says:

    One minor correction to an otherwise fantastic induction. Sabrina, The Teenage Witch aired on ABC for the first 4 seasons and then moved to the WB for the final three years. It never aired on CBS even though they were the ones to produce the show.

    So many shows with wrestling as either a plot line or with wrestlers as guests. Enough to keep you guys busy for years!

  3. Garrett Spears says:

    Check out her blog right at http://kingofharts.com/blogs/blog/tagged/wwe

  4. Scrooge McSuck says:

    Got to like Sabrina’s technique in hooking the leg in that roll up. Years of training and Eva Marie still can’t do a fake kick.

  5. #OPC says:

    Wasn’t Lita on the show or something like that, then later MJH didn’t know who she was?

  6. Saint Stryfe says:

    I’m told MJH is apparently a pretty rabid right-wing sort… and so is Victoria Jackson is way more so.

    Crazy. No not that it’s weird, it’s that they’re crazy.

  7. Dave says:

    I actually thought this episode had been inducted already. Maybe it’s the Kevin Nash one I’m thinking of– did that one get an induction?

  8. Velvet Al says:

    If it’s Salem’s daughter that’s getting married, wouldn’t Billy Gunn be the father of the groom? And thus, wouldn’t he have to win for them to get married? I realize I could probably just watch the episode to get clarification.

  9. Big G says:

    If I had an absurdly animatronic talking cat I would be so happy

  10. Perky says:

    Think there’s a typing error in this induction, I assume you meant the father of the bride has to win the match and Billy Gunn is the father of the groom. After all, Salem is the bride’s father. Unless this was a joke within the episode, that the woman is the groom and the man is the bride. But then, why would Billy Gunn be that protective over his son? Why wouldn’t he also be wearing a suit of armour if the groom is?

    Even for a kid’s show about witches this is confusing. Good thing Melissa Joan Hart is so likeable.

  11. TK says:

    I can’t be the only one who keeps mistakenly reading that it was Leif CASSIDY who was summoned. Hey him or the Berzerker would have been amazing. Melissa Joan Hart’s indeed quite the fan that on Twitter when she watches Raw sometimes she even gets into debates with talent! You must see the one that got noted even on Raw during the live airing when Kevin Owens got in it with her that she joined his Banned List. It’s amazing how many wrestling references can come from just 1 show you’d not think of being wrestling oriented. Heck I’m also into a ton of cartoons, anime and manga and there are some pretty funky mixes too like the time Minoru Suzuki appeared in the One Piece to when you got voice work from many people like Mick Foley (The Boulder in Avatar the Last Airbender), the Rock (Transformers Prime) and Okada (World Trigger). Keep up the good work especially with these random crossover entries!

  12. Sean Bateman says:

    UHF = awesome
    This episode = Wrestlecrap

  13. Mark Smart says:

    I guess you could say Billy got………”Pussy” Whipped in the ring.

  14. Gerard says:

    Every show has to have a wrestling episode on it sometime. They even had the Bella twins and Kelly-kelly guest star on the price is right!! Why I bet there is somewhere in the video of sesame street a clip of hulk Hogan telling Ernie and Bert that a game is more fun if you play by the rules and don’t cheat, OK the last one is probably an exaggeration, but the point is every show will use wrestling at sometime in the run of the series.

  15. Gotchism For Life says:

    Nice induction.

    Sometimes inductions make me shake my head in disgust…but inductions like this, make me smile.

    I also love the fact there is a fellow 66 Batman fan on here.

    10 or 12 years ago I did a fantasy fed with a jobber named 66 Batman.

  16. Jimbolian says:

    Sabrina’s 2-0 against DX members.

  17. Shao Kahn says:

    Never watched this show but she’s cute so i gotta watch it sometime.

  18. Geoff says:

    I’ve watch almost all the episodes. I remember seeing this but don’t remember the storyline anymore. I watched it when it was stlll new and not in reruns. I’m 40 now. My mother is still hooked on the show and still watches it (through reruns) and she is 75. It must be a generational hook thing because all generations like it (one day I’ll have kids and will hook them). Must be either because of Billy Gunn and Chyna appearances or the animatronic talking cat. Could also be because Martin Mull was the wacky principle/love interest to Caroline Rhea (another reason people like it, mom’s principle reason for liking it. Ha principle!). I know I liked it not for the magic or for Sabrina or her adventures but I just liked Nick’s voice (he voiced Salem). I could listen to him read a grocery list and all would be right in my world. Maybe even fall asleep to him reading the Wall Street Journal. I’d laugh so hard because he’d put his own spin and voice on things. His is a voice you never forget like Morgan Freeman’s, Adele or Groucho Marx even.

  19. Mister Forth says:

    What makes one almost feel bad for the guy that provides the cat’s voice is you can tell he wants to be anywhere else. Short of discovering time travel, he’s still the voice of that cat.

    Boy wrestlers really were everywhere on TV at the time. Whereas now only Cena and Rock get to do non-WWE roles.

  20. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    I’ve had a mad crush on Melissa since the first season of Clarissa Explains It All. Hey R.D, wanna introduce me to your neighbor? 🙂

  21. TMM says:

    You gotta admire Billy Gunn for putting over Sabrina and her cat

  22. Adam from Iowa says:

    By the way have you ever done Hunter and Chyna on Drew Carey?

  23. Anonymous says:

    Hey, this is only semi-on-topic, and even then only tangentially, but has Jerry Lawler vs Doink and a bunch of midgets been inducted yet?

  24. Thomas Moffatt says:

    That was clearly a stunt cat…

  25. angeluzcr says:

    How about the “Mad about You” episode were Randy Savage wrestles a guy in a Gorilla Suit?

  26. Ze Frenchie says:

    I know I’ll get heat for this, but Sabrina still managed a better roll-up pin than Austin at SS 97!

    • John C says:

      It probably had something to do with him being nearly paralyzed a minute or so before that. It does tend to throw your timing off a bit.

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