INDUCTION: Hulk Hogan’s Ultimate Grill Infomercial – Whatcha Gonna Do When Steaks and Burgers and Hot Dogs and Waffles and Cookies Run Wild On You?

61 Submitted by on Wed, 18 March 2015, 20:00

hogangrill0INFOMERCIAL, 2007
Many thanks to Michael Cole (not that one – I don’t think) for submitting this!

Long-time Crappers know the story of the legendary Hulk Hogan Thunder Mixer, but for those of you that don’t, here’s the skinny: according to legend, the Hulkster was going to be offered a grill that would allow fat to drip away from whatever meat you slapped in it.  Sadly, he missed his agent’s phone call regarding the opportunity and it fell into the hands of George Foreman instead.

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The rest, as they say, is history.  Foreman made a gazillion dollars on the grill, enough so that apparently he could get oven mitts made that looked like boxing gloves.  Honestly, looking at that photo, I’m kinda glad that Foreman wound up with the grill instead of Hogan.  I like the oven mitt that much.  Seriously, what would Hogan wear for pub shots like this?  That idiotic plastic helmet?

I digress.  So anyway, Hogan lost out on the grill and instead wound up marketing a stand alone mixer.  But not just any mixer:

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THE THUNDER MIXER!

I have one.  I believe the great Dr. Keith Lipinski sent it to me years ago, and I’ve held it near and dear to my heart.  As near and dear as you can hold a mixer that runs on two AA batteries that can not actually crush ice, that is.  And yeah, it’s a pretty limited piece of tech we’re looking at here.  What kind of mixer can’t withstand the might of an ice cube?

As you’d likely expect, it didn’t sell very well.  In fact, you can get them on eBay for under $10.  Why you’d want to spend $10 for such a contraption is beyond me, but hey, your money, you do what you want with it.

Thankfully, Hulk rebounded from the Thunder Mixer to come back with another kitchen appliance: the Hulk Hogan Ultimate Grill!  It was featured long ago as a Someone Bought This and also made an appearance in The WrestleCrap Book of Lists! (which you can pick up autographed here along with the original WrestleCrap book for just $17.95 with free shipping).

Egads, that was a terrible sell job.  I should really work harder doing such things, especially since the quarterly payments for the site’s bandwidth are right around the corner.  Oof.

Perhaps I should look to a professional on how to sell something.

Perhaps I should look to Hulk Hogan…and his Ultimate Grill Infomercial!

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That’s right!  The Ultimate Grill actually had an INFORMERCIAL, starring none other than the Hulkster himself.  This was Hogan’s chance to come back and try to capitalize on something that he lost, oh, $38,155,980,237,584,184,648.96 on.  Surely he’d put his best efforts into it to try to regain some of that lost moolah, right? Let’s find out!

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The festivities begin with Hogan flexing and begging us to stick with him for the next half hour so he could present to us his latest invention.  Seriously.  He said this was HIS INVENTION.  If Vince really wanted two-million subscribers on the WWE Network, I can think of no better vehicle than In The Lab With Hulk Hogan.  In my mind’s eye, I can already picture Hulk in a lab smock, sitting around with blue prints, wiring diagrams, and a table full of circuit boards as he contemplates what apparatus he could come up with to make the world a better place.

Never has the phrase “license to print money” rang more true.

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But Hulk’s not flying solo today.  He has a man named “Bob Warden” sharing hosting duties.  In the words of Homer Simpsons, “I have no idea who that is.”  A quick Google search reveals he “has proven taste and sizzling passion for great food as a television cooking celebrity, kitchenware developer and cookbook author.”

Look at Hogan’s face – he looks just as impressed as I am.

And to be be fair, throughout this entire infomercial, Hulk sounds as though he’s just woken up from a nap, reading the script in a manner so wooden you’d think they handed him a script, told him to memorize it in two minutes, failed to do so, and then they just threw up cue cards and shot the thing in an hour.

You know, kinda like all the movies he’s done.

Which you can read about in the WrestleCrap archives!  (Now THAT’s better!)

The premise of the first part of the video is to compare the Hulk Hogan Ultimate Grill…or HHUG as I like to call it…to other kitchen appliances.  First up we get a comparison to the George Foreman Unnamed Celebrity Indoor Grill.

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As Bob explains that this particular grill doesn’t cook the meat evenly, Hulk is taken aback by the grease that has glopped out.  “This grease is HORRIBLE here in the tray!!!!” the Hulkster exclaims!

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Compare this to the HHUG, where it has a hinge to allow it to properly cook the meat.  Bob informs us that they’re going to be “moist and crispy on the inside!”  It’s been years since I’ve had a hamburger, but I never remember wanting the middles of them to be CRISPY.  “And notice this guys,” Hogan notes, “these are HULK-SIZED burgers!”

Actually, I shouldn’t be putting in ALL CAPS or exclamation points, as Hogan is just kinda yawning the dialogue out here.

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I mean seriously, could the Immortal One look any more bored?

Should also make mention that after every item they grill, Bob hands it to Hulk and forces him to eat it.  I bet the poor guy gained at least ten pounds in the span of a half hour.

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Competitor #2 is a “professional Panini Maker”, which according to Bob costs $430.

“WHAT?!” Hulk bellows.

Wait, I did that wrong.

“what?” hulk politely asks.

Much more accurate.

They note that the Panini Maker is very heavy, and thus no one wants to haul it around the kitchen.  Not sure about you, but I never really consider the WEIGHT of my kitchen appliances when pondering a purchase.

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“Pizza is my favorite,” says the Hulk, as we get our next competitor, a pizza maker.  To be fair, I’ve never understood these devices, so I am guessing they won’t have a hard time convincing me that the HHUG is a better device.

And that’s a good thing, as the entire sell job is Hulk telling us “it looks hot” to which Bob confirms, “it is hot.”

No, really.

I can’t believe I’ve already written a 1,000 words  and I’m only 5 minutes into the video.

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“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” recites Hulk from what I believe may be a 1980’s educational film strip, and then explains that he cooks for his entire family.  His entire family that must REALLY love sausage, so much so that there are literally PILES of sausage on the griddle.  Seriously, there’s like three dozen sausage links compared to TWO pancakes.  I’d like to think that he, Nick, Brooke, and Jennifer cut the pancakes in half as they each consume a pound of pork.  Not sure how they divvie up the eggs, but I bet it involves arm wrestling.  At least I hope it does.

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The HHUG on the other hand makes cooking breakfast much easier.  To be fair, though, I really can’t tell you what is being served here.  I guess those are super underdone pancakes on the bottom, maybe hash browns up top. The upper right is a true mystery, however.  I want to say the red stuff is bacon, but it also kinda looks like a fish or something.

Gross.

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After this, we leave the Hulkster and Bob behind to GO TO THE MALL!  The grill is demonstrated to passers by, all of whom are amazed by what they’ve seen.  The highlight is the kid above, who can’t wait to take it back to college with him, as he believes this device is going to make his dorm room THE place to be.

I don’t blame you for not believing me, so here’s the audio to back up his story.

HHUG = BMOC!

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Frozen steaks are next on the menu, as Bob notes no grill can cook these properly.  “But that’s a two inch steak,” mumbles Hulk.

No offense, but c’mon, guys.  That thing is an inch tops.  If that’s a gauge of Hogan’s ability to measure, I’m thinking the 24″ pythons are less than a foot around.

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We also learn that you can split the grill apart and turn it into the “ultimate buffet warmer.”  Again, I am somewhat baffled by what is on the grill.  I think the thing in the middle are chicken wings.  I think that the bottom right has some Bagel Bites, maybe?  Beyond that, no clue.  Most of it just looks like rocks and sea shells, neither of which I’d want warmed.

Or want to eat for that matter.

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With the purchase of the HHUG, you get not only four plates, but a special book: Hogan Knows Grillin’!  Sadly, a Kindle version is currently unavailable.

And yes, I did look.

Did I tell you the informercial has a theme song?

And that it’s horrible?

I did now!

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Grilled cheese sandwiches are the next culinary masterpiece on the menu, as you can slap four of them in the machine and get the cheese to not only melt, but melt all the way to the middle!

Is that really an issue?  I mean, Mrs. Deal thankfully handles the cooking at the Reynolds Ranch generally, but I make grilled cheese from time to time for RD Jr. on the weekends, and he’s never once complained that the middle was undercooked.

Just lucky I guess.

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Ever want to cook 16 hot dogs at once?  Who hasn’t, right?  Well then this is the contraption for you!

As Hulk says, “it’s party time.”

Yes, he said that.  About cooking hot dogs.  Right here!

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But do you know what Hulk Hogan does not like?  SMALL WAFFLES.  You know, like a waffle maker gives ya.  A waffle maker that costs NINETY DOLLARS, we are informed.

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With the HHUG, you put in the batter for FOUR waffles.  “This is like a $360 waffle maker,” Hulk notes.  Sure is!

Let’s see how they look!

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Mrs. Deal: “Good Lord, that’s the size of a hubcap!”

HUB CAP SIZED WAFFLES!  Only available on the Hulk Hogan Ultimate Grill!

Or if you’d prefer…

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HUB CAP SIZED COOKIES!

“I’m so happy,” Bob gleams, “I’m putting a smile on the Hulkster!”

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Mrs. Deal: “Looks just like him.”

Hulk says that he’s bought cookies like this at the store, and they cost $40.  FORTY DOLLARS!  “If I bought three or four or five of these cookies, it would pay for the entire grill!”

As the grill costs $100, I am glad Hulk Hogan isn’t handling my finances.

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Finally, we get one last hard sell from Hulk, and we’re out as they go to practice wrestling moves (which sadly are not filmed).

As I put the wraps on this induction here today, I leave you with this thought.  I never thought I’d find something to surpass Tiffany as the eternal symbol of happiness on this site…

tiffanyyay

…but I may have today.

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But probably not.

Especially after reading this.

Poor Hulk.  The curse of the grill just never ends.

 

 

 

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Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!
61 Responses to "INDUCTION: Hulk Hogan’s Ultimate Grill Infomercial – Whatcha Gonna Do When Steaks and Burgers and Hot Dogs and Waffles and Cookies Run Wild On You?"
  1. Cameron A. says:

    “Hulk Hogan’s Ultimate Grill is the most awesome metaphor for my career! Put oil on it, and it will bathe your house in the red and yellow, brother! Get too close to it, and you’ll be branded with the mark of shame, just like those who weren’t NWO 4 Life! THIS IS WHERE THE POWER LIES!”

    *spastic flexing*

  2. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Another great one, boss!

  3. Art0Donnell says:

    I can’t believe they couldn’t figure out a way to get Hulk to say, “It’s not hot!” in this informercial.

    • Autrach Sejanoz says:

      I like to think that every time Hogan went somewhere new to him, he’d say “WHERE AM i? THERE’S NO HULKAMANIACS HERE! i’VE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE!”

  4. Sean Bateman says:

    At least it is not Axelmania.

  5. John Cameron Trade Rat says:

    $90 for a waffle iron? $400 for a sandwich maker? No wonder Hogan’s going broke. But seriously, the Pizzazz pizza oven is totally worth it!

  6. Danny says:

    Excellent induction. I haven’t laughed like that in a while.

  7. Mister Forth says:

    The grill doesn’t seem bad in and of itself, it’s just the advertising that really goes too far.

  8. Vealchop says:

    Orange thermos sold separately.

  9. Josh says:

    “And that’s a good thing, as the entire sell job is Hulk telling us “it looks hot” to which Bob confirms, “it is hot.””

    Oh, c’mon! You had a perfect opportunity for Hulk to say “THIS PIZZA’S NOT HOT!”

  10. Preparation Triple H says:

    But can the grill crush ice?

  11. Thomas says:

    RD, the potatoes in the Dual Temperature Controls! picture are home fries. Really good with a little bit of diced peppers.

  12. Down With OPC says:

    “Not sure about you, but I never really consider the WEIGHT of my kitchen appliances when pondering a purchase.”

    This guy I work with told me about this one time he went to go buy a new TV from Art Van. This was back in the day when we had nothing but tube TV’s.

    Anyway, so when he went to the TV section, one of the sales associates asked him if he needed any help. My co-worker (Nathan…but not Nathaniel Edward Rodham Davis) simply said, “No, I got this”. He then goes in and starts lifting up each TV, individually. The associate again asks Nathan if he needs any help, but Nathan says no, and keeps on lifting each of the TVs. Eventually the associate tries to stop him. “I know what you’re doing! You’re trying to hurt yourself! Start a lawsuit!”

    Turns out Nathan was just seeing how much each TV weighed until he found one that wasn’t too heavy to lift before he bought it!

  13. Down With OPC says:

    Also, just noticed the Borders store in the picture above the kid at the mall. Going along with this, and that picture of Steve “Mongo” McMichael in front of Service Merchandise during the first Nitro, and realizing both places are now closed…I don’t think any more mall owners should let Hulk Hogan inside their malls ever again.

  14. s1mon86 says:

    Tiffany is back?!

    YAYYY!!!!

  15. Mav says:

    Nice induction. I was hoping to see a Pastamania franchise in that mall food court.

  16. Ralphus says:

    So, were Linda and the kids not on this infomercial? I remember an episode of Hogan Knows Best *shudder* that revolved around this and the taping of the infomercial. I remember Linda saying, “and the Hogans know grilling!” in a manner just as wooden as Hulk. Maybe it was a fever dream from taking all that old IcoPro.

  17. Drew says:

    If you play the audio of the kid at the mall backwards, it says “we can use it to freebase coke and cook up a batch of crystal meth.” That part about being the hit of every party remains the same.

  18. Drew says:

    And if you don’t want to split the grill in two and use it as a “buffet warmer,” you can also split it in two and use it as a car seat heater, if you’re King Kong Bundy, that is.

  19. Mr. Stanek says:

    Hogan’s co-host looks like a friendlier version of Larry Drake, aka the bad guy from Darkman and also Dr. Giggles.

  20. Nick says:

    In defense of the counter top pizza cooker…if Hulk marketed that instead, I would’ve bought one. So, he would’ve sold like two, and then the other person would’ve given it to someone as a gift they never used.

  21. C. Peter Roberts says:

    This infomercial is seriously lacking a sequence with patties cooking on the grill as Hogan enters and asks: “WHAT’S THAT SMELL?!”

  22. JB says:

    Though I am positive no one cares, I have the pizza cooker contraption shown, and it does a great job cooking a decent sized frozen pizza.

    I am also saddened that none of the other commentators managed to work in a flambe’ reference to any of the food.

    • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

      I have the pizza cooker too, and it’s great! It works, and I don’t have to heat up the oven to cook a frozen pizza.

  23. Gabe Benson says:

    “Finally, we get one last hard sell from Hulk, and we’re out as they go to practice wrestling moves (which sadly are not filmed).” I can’t stop laughing, this made the whole intro worth reading!!! I can’ stop using exclamation points!!!!!

  24. Drew says:

    Quiz time, kids. What do Hulk Hogan and the Hulk Hogan Grill have in common? Neither one would sell.

  25. the14thListener says:

    Hulk should’ve started the infomercial and tagged out to Snitsky and Claire Lynch, both of whom are better at such things.

  26. Stephen says:

    Hold on, I just looked at that recall page: 13,500 units? Being sold for $100 each?

    Correct me if my maths is off here or I’m misunderstanding how recalls work … but that’s only a total of $1.35 million, right? Lots of money to you and me but to the Hulkster? With his insane WCW deal? It must’ve been small potatoes (ooh, potatoes. Think the grill could cook them?). Makes me wonder if he needed the money or if they just gave him a sheet of paper to sign, he did, then went along to the studio to phone in his lines.

  27. Reidah says:

    What’s so hard to get about the Pizza Pizzazz? It’s the greatest kitchen appliance I’ve ever owned.

  28. Mike says:

    Those orange things are potato skins I believe.

  29. Ze Frenchie says:

    Hogan totally no-sold that grill. Literally!

  30. Doc 902714 says:

    pretty sure that horrible Grill theme song was written, arranged and composed by Jimmy Hart and JJ McGuire

  31. Alexandru says:

    Very funny induction. Nice to see Hogan was only 23 years behind the whole, Basic, yet effective grills actually can make you tons of money if you have the right pitchman idea. This should be a cautionary tale on what happens when you have a really bad divorce

  32. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    I’d just like to say that The George Foreman Grill is awesome and well worth owning.

  33. gobias says:

    “His entire family that must REALLY love sausage,”

    -snicker-

  34. Al says:

    But can it cook Hulkaroos?

  35. Anonymous says:

    This isn’t even that bad of a product (spontaneous combustion aside), it’s just a goofy ad though.

    Seriously though I’d each hubcap sized waffles. That’s the best feature for my money.

    Bob Warden though? REALLY creepy looking guy. Like almost disfigured looking. Like an actor in an old horror movie done up with stage makeup to make them scary looking or something.

    • Anonymous says:

      Also, Hogan very clearly was sleepwalking through this entire ad, like he REALLY didn’t want to be there. Correct me if I’m wrong, but this was from BEFORE his divorce so he really didn’t even need the money, right? I wonder if he owed somebody a favor or something.

  36. Isaac says:

    That Hogan will give his endorsement to anything.

    Except Bret Hart. Zing!

  37. I'm Not Using My Real Name says:

    The waffle and cookie are as big around as a vampire’s nipple!

  38. statikpunk says:

    Crap. I’ve got that horrendous theme song stuck in my head now.

  39. Redsox4life says:

    Bob Warden looks like a slightly older version of Robert Walden from the 1980’s Showtime sitcom “Brothers”. This is the best Wrestlecrap induction in quite a long time.

  40. Guest says:

    Not to bust your chops RD but I count 14 hot dogs on the grill not 16.

  41. CP says:

    If you really think about it, the Foreman grill and the Thunder Mixer were released by the same company (Salton), so maybe Hogan’s story might have some weight to it after all.

    Hogan’s co-host is actually selling another cooking product, something that basically amounts to an electric hot plate with temperature controls. Ironically, Hogan’s “It’s not hot!” line also woulda worked because the selling point is that it is cool to the touch when not cooking.

    Strangely enough, the company that marketed this also put out the Power Pressure Cooker XL. Which, if you loyal Crappers paid attention, featured Gene Snitsky in its ads.

  42. Mantaurs_Right_Amtler says:

    I just watched a 10 minute clip of this.

    He didnt believe anything until it was actually cooked.

    Tisk, tisk Hulk. Putting your name on something before you knew what it was capable of doing?

  43. J says:

    I swear to god I must of watch that infomercial every time I saw it was on I was tempted to buy one at one time but never did glade i didn’t

    • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

      Buy a George Foreman Grill instead- they’re a very good quality product and it actually does drain the grease from burgers and steaks.

  44. Lycanthrokeith says:

    Why oh why oh why didn’t they get Warrior to endorse this product?

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