When you say “Halloween” around these here parts, it means just one thing: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. Whether it be the legendary safety tips we’ve played on WrestleCrap Radio for years or the time when he knocked out Brother Love with a pumpkin on Prime Time Wrestling, it seems no one better exemplified the spirit of the holiday than Hot Rod. Therefore, when you see this as an induction, rest assured I’m playing fast and loose with the rules – namely, it’s almost October 31 and I’m looking for any excuse to write about one of my heroes.
Also, if you think, “Hey, you’ve inducted this before!”, that’s not quite true – Blade did write about it like 15 years ago as part of a different induction (one that’s in the archives). As is often the case with the older stuff, we were handicapped by the technology at the time – you’d get the same awesome text as always, but generally only a couple of two-frame animated GIFs if you were lucky. We talked about it and decided a deep dive, going really in-depth into this skit, was long over due.
Remember kids – nothing says “Happy Halloween” like extended disclaimers on a pro wrestling site!
With that we meet up with Roddy at his “rented American home.”
I know I slag constantly on modern day WWE, but here is another perfect example of young Vince making sure that a potential storyline gaffe was covered. After all, a large part of Roddy’s gimmick was the fact that he was a proud Scotsman. Why then would we find him answering the door for a bunch of kids from the USA?
Here we are given the answer – he rented the place. Also, he’s a jerk.
Inside we go, and we catch up with Piper talking to an ‘incredibly handsome’ man – himself. I love it that Roddy was such a heel he not only got a life-sized stand up of himself (which wouldn’t have been common at the time – guessing that it was a maybe a video store promo piece?), but went to the trouble of decorating it so ‘he’ was holding spiders and candy in the spirit of the holiday.
I should probably also note Piper is completely, utterly, and unapologetically out of his ever loving mind.
You often see videos on YouTube listing “coked up” wrestling promos with guys from the 1980s. I don’t want to cast aspersions on one Roderick Toombs, but let’s just say that would explain a lot of what I am seeing in the above GIF.
Roddy gives us the world’s creepiest smile as he explains that he is prepping for the kiddos by making “candy apples” (actually bowling balls with sticks in them) and “chocolate bars” (bricks wrapped in aluminum foil). His first visitor shows up and it’s…
…yep, red bow tie wearing Vince McMahon.
Not someone pretending to be him in an ironic manner, but rather the real deal Mac Daddy himself.
He starts asking Piper a bunch of stupid questions, like “I’ve heard you don’t have need of the indoor plumbing we have in the US.” This leads into Piper explaining that he can go, then run back and forth which saves the time required to wipe.
Really, that’s what the man said.
Yeah, I don’t know either dude.
Also, why are you dressed up as Zorro?
Pretty much what I thought.
Anyway, Vince follows up with asking Piper how they celebrate in his “native” Scotland. This query leads into (and you better buckle up for this one)…
…Piper grabbing a stick, acting like he has a bone in his nose, and then hurling the stick as a makeshift spear at an invisible giraffe.
God bless Roddy, but I am pretty sure THIS wouldn’t fly in 2020.
I’d be remiss to not mention the amazing decorations hanging all over the place at the house. Pretty sure we had that exact same cat hanging in our living room when I was a kid.
Sadly I didn’t have Piper there mimicking his facial expression.
I mean, that’s like a mirror image!
Vince is of course completely appalled at Roddy’s antics, noting that he shouldn’t be doing mean stuff like this to the children. Bricks a chocolate bars? Bowling balls as apples?
This cause Piper to completely flip his lid, explaining that he can do whatever he wants to those kids that just keep ringing his door bell over and over again, because he’s Roddy Piper and more importantly on this night, it’s not just treats…it’s TRICK or treat.
Man has a point.
And I guess sometimes you DO only need two frames of animation.
The door bell rings, so Piper heads to the door, where there’s another cut out of himself…
…and we see outside where there’s yet ANOTHER Rowdy standee!
THREE cardboard statues of yourself within 100′ of each other?
Now THAT is a heel!
Piper opens the door and invites the kids in to talk. Guessing this isn’t going to go well for the children. Also pretty sure when Roddy would tell kids a few years later to NEVER go into someone’s house while trick or treating, he had first hand experience as to WHY.
Ironically, not as the victim, but as the perpetrator.
Let’s meet the kids, shall we?
Here we have the “Hulkster” and someone Blade identified years ago as the Black Scorpion. This would mean that this 1985 Scorpion somehow aged like 15 or 20 years by 1990.
Eh, it would make as much as sense as any of the rest of that stupid storyline.
We also get a girl covered completely in silver tinsel, whom I will lovingly dub Christmas Cousin Itt. Not sure what the girl over her shoulder is supposed to be, but pretty sure I do know who it is – that’s gotta be Bobby Heeenan’s daughter!
She actually appeared in several skits in WWE, including one where she and her Mom (Bobby’s wife) ran into Gorilla and the Brain at Busch Gardens in Tampa. During that particular skit, the mom and daughter talked about how much they loved Prime Time, particularly Gorilla. This caused Bobby to rant about how that “little girl” was incredibly rude. She took about all she could, then stomped HARD on his foot, yelling “WEASEL!” as she departed.
Back to Halloween time, as Roddy…
…drops a brick into one kid’s bag destroying it, and then crushing (with a LOT of effort) the bottom of Cousin Itt’s bag with a bowling ball.
Piper grabs all the candy from the floor (“these are my favorites!” he notes as he throws them behind his back) as the kids look on very sadly. As a make good, he grabs them a couple new, albeit much smaller bags, and begins filling them up.
Wait a minute…he’s giving them candy corn?
I told you he was a heel!
Piper is of course completely thrilled – he got candy he loved and humiliated a young boy dressed up as Hulk Hogan in the process. That does sound like a pretty good day for him.
But outside, the children aren’t crying…they’re actually laughing. You see, they somehow knew Piper was going to steal their candy and thus sabotaged it by creating chocolate covered hot peppers!
Piper screams at being poisoned, and goes totally berserk, throwing flowers out of his vase so he can drink the water inside. This causes Vince to act like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen in his life.
Usually Vince laughing means that it’s stupid, but Piper’s ridiculous oversell here is pretty fantastic.
Oh, and remember little Cousin Itt? She unmasks outside and we learn that not only was Heenan’s daughter part of this affair, but Vince’s daughter was too! In what may be her first televised appearance, yes, we get trick or treater STEPHANIE MCMAHON.
For the record, that means her first words on screen are the following:
“What is that?”
“Why is it so big?”
So many jokes to be made there…but instead I’ll just say Happy Halloween, everyone!